Cybersalt Digest Archive
Cybersalt News
Oh look, Chicken Thursday!
Ladies, do you ever think the men in your lives don't always listen closely to what you say? That might have been the story behind the newest Funny Car Picture on the Cybersalt site. You will find "Jeep Kitchen" at:
www.cybersalt.org/funny-car-pictures/jeep-kitchen
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!
~ Pastor Tim
Today's CleanLaugh
From British Newspapers
1) Commenting on a complaint from a Mr. Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West Gas said, "We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It's possible Mr. Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house."
- The Daily Telegraph
2) Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It's a Special Branch vehicle and they don't want the public to know what it looks like.
- The Guardian
3) A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coastguard spokesman commented, "This sort of thing is all too common."
- The Times
4) Mrs. Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue, Boscombe, delighted the audience with her reminiscence of the German prisoner of war who was sent each week to do her garden. He was repatriated at the end of the war in1945. As she recalled to the crowd, "He'd always seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the crocuses came up in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they spelled out "Heil Hitler."
- Bournemouth Evening Echo
5) At the height of the gale, the harbormaster radioed a coastguard and asked him to estimate the wind speed. He replied he was sorry, but he didn't have a gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff.
- Aberdeen Evening Express
Today's One-liner
One-liner #1173
The only time I hit the panic button on my car keys is accidentally, and the only person who panics is me!
Today's Clean Pun
Irish Toast
A guy and a girl are having a drink together. The man raises his glass and says, "Here's hoping you're in Heaven ten minutes before the devil knows you're dead!"
"What's that mean?" asks the girl.
"That," answers her date, "is an authentic Irish toast."
"Oh. Well, here's to bread, eggs and cinnamon."
"Bread, eggs and cinnamon? What's that?"
The girl says, "That's French toast."
Today's Quote
quote #0275
"As you slide down the Banister of Life, may the Splinters never point the wrong way."
- Irish Blessing
Today's Illustration
An Irish Friendship Blessing
May there always be work for your hands to do;
May your purse always hold a coin or two;
May the sun always shine on your windowpane;
May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain;
May the hand of a friend always be near you;
May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.
Cybersalt News
Sunday greetings everyone.
Today, Rev. James Snyder is musing about the difference between hearing and listening. You can read more in "Hearing and Listening Are Not Necessarily the Same" at:
www.cybersalt.org/gods-penman/hearing-and-listening-are-not-necessarily-the-same
The Westside Bible Church website has been updated with the audio recording of last Sunday's sermon. It is the first in my "Hall of Faith" series from Hebrews 11. You can listen to "Abel and Enoch - Hall of Faith" at:
www.westsidefamily.org/messages/abel-and-enoch-hall-of-faith
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!
~ Pastor Tim
Today's CleanLaugh
Meeting With Teacher
Miss Smith and Little Johnny's father were having a parent teacher conference.
Miss Smith said to Little Johnny's father, "Well, at least there's one thing I can say about your son."
Little Johnny's father asked, "What's that?"
"With grades like these, he couldn't possibly be cheating."
Today's One-liner
One-liner #1172
Deep thoughts of the day: when you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you become a vacuum cleaner.
Today's Clean Pun
Brought To You by the Letter "S"
Bert: "Say, Ernie, would you like some ice-cream?"
Ernie: "Sherbert."
Today's Quote
Quote #1620
"The history of every temptation, and of every sin, is the same; the outward object of attraction, the inward commotion of mind, the increase and triumph of passionate desires, ending in the degradation, slavery, and ruin of the soul."
- Unknown
Today's Illustration
And God Said "No"
I asked God to take away my pride,
And God said, "No."
He said it was not for Him to take away,
But for me to give up.
I asked God to make my handicapped child whole,
And God said, "No."
He said her spirit is eternal,
While her body is only temporary.
I asked God to grant me patience,
And God said, "No."
He said patience is a by-product of tribulation.
It isn't granted - it is earned.
I asked God to give me happiness,
And God said, "No."
He said He gives blessings,
Happiness is up to me.
I asked God to spare me pain,
And God said, "No."
He said, "Suffering draws you apart from
Worldly cares and brings you close to Me."
I asked God to make my spirit grow,
And God said, "No."
He said I must grow on my own,
But He will prune me to make it fruitful.
I asked God if He loved me,
And God said, "Yes.
I gave my only Son to die for you,
And someday you will be in heaven with me
Because you believe."
I asked God to help me love others
As much as He loves me,
And God said,
"Ah, finally you have the idea."
- Claudia Minden Welsz
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.
Cybersalt News
Oh look, Chicken Thursday!
There is a new Funny Sign on the Cybersalt Site today. If you are on vacation, need a place to say, but don't care about actually falling asleep, have we got a motel recommendation for you! Check out "Clown Motel" at:
www.cybersalt.org/funny-signs/clown-motel
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!
~ Pastor Tim
Today's CleanLaugh
Smart As A Brick
While a friend and I were visiting Annapolis, we noticed several students on their hands and knees assessing the courtyard with pencils and clipboards in hand.
"What are they doing?" I asked our tour guide.
"Each year," he replied with a grin, "The upperclassmen ask the freshmen how many bricks it took to finish this courtyard."
"So what's the answer?" my friend asked him when we were out of earshot of the freshmen.
The guide replied simply, "One."
Today's One-liner
One-liner #1171
I don't run, and if you ever see me running, you should run too because something is probably chasing me.
Today's Clean Pun
Night-time Discovery
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
Today's Quote
Quote #1619
"If you will sacrifice for the sake of money, but will not sacrifice for the sake of Jesus, don't deceive yourself: money is your god."
- David Guzik
Today's Illustration
Studying
There was a kid taking a Statistics Class in college (STT101). He finished his exam in half the time allotted, and the rest of the time he sat and flipped a coin.
The teacher asked what he was doing and he said,
"I'm checking my answers."
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.