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Cybersalt Digest Archive

The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3950 - April 11, 2013


Issue #3950

Today's Table of Contents
 

Click here to read today's issue online!

Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday!

The e-mail problems at Cybersalt World Headquarters have all been sorted out.  If you tried to send and message and it came back to you please try again - except for you Walter Mc. (I got the one you sent to my other addresses.  Really, I think you'd enjoy Facebook, lol.)

There is a new funny picture on the Cybersalt site today.  You'll find "Canadian Crop Circles" at:
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/canadian-crop-circles

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.


Here is today's CleanLaugh

Sloth Police Report

snailA sloth is out for a walk when he's mugged by four snails.

After recovering his wits, he goes to make a police report.

"Can you describe the snails?" asks the officer.

"I don't know," replies the sloth. "It all happened so fast."

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Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0918

picture of a hand"Raise my hand if you believe in telekinesis."



Here is today's CleanPun

Corduroy Pillows

picture of corduroy materialThe latest trend in living room accessories is corduroy pillows.

They're making headlines!


Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1366

Picture of Peter Kreeft"Someone once said that if you sat a million monkeys at a million typewriters for a million years, one of them would eventually type out all of Hamlet by chance. But when we find the text of Hamlet, we don't wonder whether it came from chance and monkeys. Why then does the atheist use that incredibly improbable explanation for the universe? Clearly, because it is his only chance of remaining an atheist. At this point we need a psychological explanation of the atheist rather than a logical explanation of the universe."
- Peter Kreeft


Here is today's Illustration

Gambling

diceA man sent a postcard from Las Vegas to a friend:

"Having a wonderful time.

Wish I could afford it."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.


The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

End of Newsletter

 

The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3949 - April 10, 2013


Issue #3949

Today's Table of Contents
 

Click here to read today's issue online!

Cybersalt News

There is a new funny horse picture on the Cybersalt site today.  You'll find "Horse Door" at:
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-horse-pictures/horse-door

Cybersalt Headquarters has been experiencing some difficulties receiving e-mails the last 48 hours or so.  We're beating the hamsters so they will row faster  - things should be back up to speed soon.

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.


Here is today's CleanLaugh

No Place Like Home

a picture of homeWhile I was dining out with my children, a man came over to our table, and we started talking.

He asked where my kids go to school. I told him we home-schooled them.

With a raised eyebrow, he asked if my husband is the sole breadwinner for our family.

I said, "No, I also work . . out of our home."

Then, noticing our two-month-old son, he mentioned that his daughter had just had a baby, and he wondered what hospital our son was born in.

"He was born at home," I answered.

The man looked at me, then said, "Wow, you don't get out much, do you?"

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Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0917

dangerWhen I was a kid you didn't have to say, "Don't try this at home!" because we weren't complete morons back then.



Here is today's CleanPun

Uncomfortable Shoes

picture of high heel shoesWearing ridiculously uncomfortable shoes just because they look good is pure shoepidity.


Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1365

reading-man"Religion operates on the principle of 'I obey - therefore I am accepted by God.' The basic operating principle of the gospel is 'I am accepted by God through the work of Jesus Christ - therefore I obey.'"
- Timothy Keller


Here is today's Illustration

A Guy In School

booksOne day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd."

I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on. As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes. My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, "Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives."

He looked at me and said, "Hey thanks!" There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude. I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kid before. We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my friends. He said yes. We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him.

Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, "Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!" He just laughed and handed me half the books. 

Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were seniors, we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business on a football scholarship.
Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak.

Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him. Boy, sometimes I was jealous. Today was one of those days. I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, "Hey, big guy, you'll be great!" He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. "Thanks," he said. As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began.

"Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach...but mostly your friends. I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story."

I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. "Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable."

I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told all about his weakest moment. I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize it's depth. Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you can change a person's life.

God puts us all in each other's lives to impact one another in some way.

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.


The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

End of Newsletter

 

The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3948 - April 9, 2013


Issue #3948

Today's Table of Contents
 

Click here to read today's issue online!

Cybersalt News

There is a new entry in the FunBlog today.  You'll be impressed by this guy - perhaps the best "Price is Right" contestant ever!
www.cybersalt.org/funblog/best-price-is-right-contestant-ever

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.


Here is today's CleanLaugh

Misquote

bible openA friend of mine attended a Christian college where the tradition was to deliver a box of notes nightly from the men's' dorm to the women's dorm and vice versa.

My friend would write his fiance a note every night and close it with an inspirational Scripture reference.

One night, he meant to write the reference II Corinthians 5:1, which says:
"Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands."

Unfortunately, he referenced I Corinthians 5:1, which says:
"It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that does not occur even among pagans..."

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Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0916

a picture of an Irish setter dog"To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs."
- Aldous Huxley



Here is today's CleanPun

Numerical Safety

picture of numbersSafety in numbers: 579s84a831f9e94t67y89304


Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1364

a picture of a mirror"What comes into our minds when we think about God, is the most important thing about us."
- A.W. Tozer


Here is today's Illustration

Action

picture of a burning barnOld Jeb is the laziest man in the county. One day his best friend drove by his farm and noticed his barn was on fire. "Your barn's burning down," he yelled.

"I know it," replied Jeb.

"Well, ain't ya gonna do somethin'?" asked the friend.

"Do somethin'?" responded Jeb. "'Bout what?"

"Why about puttin' out the fire, ya durn fool." answered the friend.

"I am doin' somethin'." replied Jeb.

"What the heck are you doin', jist sittin' there 'n all?" asked Jeb's friend.

"I ain't jist sittin'," replied Jeb, "I'm sittin' here prayin' for rain."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.


The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

End of Newsletter

 

The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3947 - April 8, 2013


Issue #3947

Today's Table of Contents
 

Click here to read today's issue online!

Cybersalt News

According to recent rhetoric coming out of North Korea, Cybersalt Headquarters is within range of a direct nuclear strike by them.  Though we have not been named as a specific target, no dictator can ever truly claim world domination while Cybersalt remains free!

At last report world tensions seem to have eased a bit with North Korean dictator Kim Jung Un.  The reason for this might be depicted in the newest funny picture on the Cybersalt site.  You'll fine "Kim, Eat a Snickers!" at:
www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/kim-eat-a-snickers

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.


Here is today's CleanLaugh

Looking Back

picture of eyeglassesSoon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap. I carefully removed his glasses.

"You know, honey," I said sweetly, "Without your glasses you look like the same handsome young man I married."

"Honey," he replied with a grin, "Without my glasses, you still look pretty good too!"

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Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0915

arrows"The shortest distance between two points is how far apart they are."



Here is today's CleanPun

Hospital Update

doctorHospital Update: Condition of boy who swallowed all those quarters - still no change.


Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1363

picture of a gravestone“We wept when we were born though all around us smiled; so shall we smile when we die while all around us weep.”
- Charles Spurgeon


Here is today's Illustration

Showing Acceptance

picture of a warning lampMy mom regales me with a specific story that always brings a smile to my face, along with a sense of wonder that my sisters and I, as small children, could grasp things so easily.

When we were little, we would have a hard time paying attention to our mother. So when those times would come, my mother would put her hands at the side of our face, turn our face to hers, and say "Look at me. Look at me." before saying whatever needed to be said. Soon thereafter, if our mother was doing a zillion things and we needed to talk to her, we'd put our hands on the side of her face, make her look at us, and we would say, "Look me! Look me!"

Whether it be with friends or family, don't be afraid to put your hands on the side of their face and say, "Look me! Look me!" Acceptance is our most basic need. One way to show it is to pay attention.

- Deborah Lansford

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.


The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

End of Newsletter

 

The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3946 - April 7, 2013


Issue #3946

Today's Table of Contents

Click here to read today's issue online!


Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings everyone.

The Westside Bible Church web site has been updated with sermons up to and including Palm Sunday.  You'll find them at:
www.westsidefamily.org/multimedia-podcast/messages
and
www.westsidefamily.org/multimedia-podcast/messages/easter

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!


Here is today's CleanLaugh

Pastor Tim as the Dumb Guy

A Picture of Pastor Tim Davis of CybersaltThree men go on a trip to the desert. One is smart, one is average, and the third is Pastor Tim. The smart guy says, "I brought water, so we won't go thirsty." The average guy says, "I brought food, so we won't go hungry." Then, they ask Pastor Tim what he brought, and Tim says, "I brought this car window, so we can roll it down, if we get hot."

But wait, there's more!

As it turns out, the window Pastor Tim brought came from a stolen car. The three men are arrested, taken to jail, and put in separate cells. Somehow, the smart guy manages to get hold of the keys, and unlocks each of their cells. They then proceed to escaping through a window.

The smart guy goes first, and sees a wall blocking his escape route. He also sees a tall tree next to the wall, which he starts climbing, figuring this was the only way to get past the wall. As the smart guy reaches the top of the wall, a guard on the other side hears him.

"Who's there?" asked the guard.

The smart guy replies with a convincing "Meow. Meow."

"Oh," says the guard, "it's only a cat in a tree." So the smart guy gets away.

The average guy goes next. He climbs the same tree, and the same guard hears him.

"Who's there?" "Tweet, tweet. Tweet, tweet."

"It's only a bird in a tree," the guard mutters. And, last but not least, it is now Pastor Tim's turn to escape. Now Tim has been watching the others make their escapes, and he likes their approach. So, he climbs the same tree, to get over the same wall, and meets the same guard. Meanwhile, Tim has been concentrating - what's wrong with that picture? -: Ok, animal noises. Think animal noises. Of course, the guard hears him, and asks, "Who's there?"

"Moooo. Moooo."

But wait, there's more!

All three men are recaptured, and taken, as targets, to the firing range as punishment for their jailbreak. The smart guy, as usual, goes first. They bring him out, and the man in charge yells, "Ready...Aim..-" But before he got a chance to continue, the smart guy yells, "Earthquake!!"

Everyone ducks and covers, and the smart guy gets away.

Next, the average guy is brought out. Again, the man in charge yells, "Ready...Aim..-"

"Tornado!!"

They all scatter, and the average guy gets away.

Finally, they bring Pastor Tim out. Once again, Pastor Tim has been watching the other two, and, once again has been concentrating - twice in the same day?! -: 

Once again, the man in charge yells, "Ready...Aim..-"

"Fire!!!" yells Pastor Tim.

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

End of Newsletter

 
  1. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3945 - April 6, 2013
  2. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3944 - April 5, 2013
  3. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3943 - April 4, 2013
  4. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3942 - April 3, 2013

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