Cybersalt Digest Archive


Issue #3971

Today's Table of Contents

Cybersalt News

ss cybersalt shaker 007I'm happy to announce there is a new edition of the Cybersalt Shaker online - episode #007!  You can watch "Be a Small Intestine" at:
www.cybersalt.org/krkx

Also, for those of you keeping track, over the long weekend the Cybersalt Site was updated from Joomla 2.5.14 to 3.1.5.  I still have a few small things to iron out, but all seems to running well!

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

Here is today's CleanLaugh

Medieval History

Mount Union College OhioMy friend, an American history professor at Mount Union College in Ohio, was asked to teach a medieval history class.

Not an expert on the Middle Ages, he was concerned about what he'd be able to offer the students. But his fears were soon laid to rest.

During the first class, he asked the students, "Why are you taking this medieval history course?"

A freshman piped up, "Because I really like the 1800's."

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Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0934

dog irish setter"My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can - that's almost $7.00 in dog money."
- Joe Weinstein

Here is today's CleanPun

Database Distraction

myphpadmin logoI'm too easily distracted to learn another relational database language . . . . SQL!

Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1382

suit and tie"Ambition to do great things for God isn't our problem - it's bending our ambitions toward what Jesus says a great thing is."
- Zack Eswine 

Here is today's Illustration

A Good Job Done

chickensThe farmer's son was returning from the market with a crate of chickens his father had entrusted to him, when all of a sudden the box fell and broke open. Chickens scurried off in different directions, but the determined boy walked all over the neighborhood scooping up the wayward birds and returning them to the repaired crate. Hoping he had found them all, the boy reluctantly returned home, expecting the worst.

"Pa, the chickens got loose," the boy confessed sadly, "but I managed to find all twelve of them."

"Well, you done a good job, son," the farmer beamed, "because you only left with seven."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

 


Issue #3970

Today's Table of Contents

Cybersalt News

ss cybersalt shaker 006Oh look, Chicken Thursday!

There is a new Cybersalt Shaker online today. Watch "Renewed Minds" (episode #006) to find out how a courtesy car from the autobody repair shop reminded me of Romans 12:2.
www.cybersalt.org/k4px

By the way, some of you have reported not being able to hear the sound when watching Cybersalt Shakers.  The problem is actually due to the YouTube player on your computer somehow getting set to "MUTE."  Whereas many people over the years have wished they couldn't hear me, here is a tutorial I've created to show you how to turn the volume back on.
youtu.be/a-pu7kvIVCk

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

Here is today's CleanLaugh

Getting Older

aging-beautyAmy and Jamie are old friends. They have both been married to their husbands for a long time.

One day Amy was upset because she thought her husband didn't find her attractive anymore.

"As I get older he doesn't bother to look at me!" Amy cried.

"I'm so sorry for you, as I get older my husband says I get more beautiful every day." replied Jamie.

"Yes," answered Amy, "but your husband's an antique dealer!"

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One-liner #0933

toddlerSilence is Golden unless you have a toddler; then, silence is just suspicious.

Here is today's CleanPun

Prosperity Gospel

offering-plateThe Prosperity Gospel is preaching to acquire.

Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1381

picture of a 55 buick"They say that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. At this point I should be able to bench-press a Buick."

Here is today's Illustration

Humility

picture of an audienceA colleague was invited to hold a speech in Japan. Aware of his reputation as a very good speaker, he was surprised that his audience did not react at all to any of his perfectly timed jokes and witticisms. In fact, the audience did not react to anything he said.

Somewhat put down, he went back to his seat and a Japanese gentleman appeared on the stage. This man had a terrific success! People laughed and applauded, and although the original speaker could not understand one bit of what was said, still he started to applaud, as the man evidently deserved praise for this perfect speech.

He was interrupted by the chairman of the conference, "No no, sir. You must not applaud."

Dumbfounded, he protested: "But why? This man is obviously a very good speaker."

"No sir, you must not applaud. He is translating your speech."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

 


Issue #3969

Today's Table of Contents

Cybersalt News

ss cybersalt shaker 005There is a new episode of the Cybersalt Shaker online.  Are you going to make a little choice today that may be part of a big explosion in the future?

You can watch "Little Choices and Big Explosions" at:
www.cybersalt.org/k64q

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

Here is today's CleanLaugh

Vat A Country!

picture of a shopping cartMany years ago, my father was visiting America, from Europe, for the very first time.

He said he wanted to go with me to the supermarket, so I invited him along.

As he went up & down the aisles with me, at the local Giant Food Store, he constantly asked me questions about products he saw.

"Vas diss?? Powdered orange juice??" asked my dad.

I said, "Yeh, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh orange juice."

A few minutes later, in a different aisle, dad blurted out, "Und vas dis?? Powdered milk?"

I said, "Yeah, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh milk!"

A few minutes later, in a different aisle, my dad yelled out,

"Und give a look here!! Baby Powder!! Vat a country, vat a country!"

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Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0932

picture of a wrist in chainsLast night I watched a movie about Stockholm Syndrome; at first I hated it, but halfway through I never wanted it to end.

Here is today's CleanPun

Umpire Call

picture of home plate"You're home now, you're safe."
- Caring Baseball Umpire

Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1380

"It's going to be hard to throw rocks at anybody today if our hands already are filled with a towel to wash their feet."
- @scottywardsmith

Here is today's Illustration

Guilt vs. Repentance

writing the IRS a letterA couple of weeks after hearing a sermon on Psalms 51:2-4 (knowing my own hidden secrets) and Psalms 52:3-4 (lie's and deceit), a man wrote the following letter to the IRS.

"I have been unable to sleep, knowing that I have cheated on my income tax. I understated my taxable income, and have enclosed a check for $2,500.00.

If I still can't sleep, I will send the rest".

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

 


Issue #3968

Today's Table of Contents

Cybersalt News

I am super excited to announce that after almost 3 months of development, the new Cybersalt Shaker YouTube channel is now featuring its first 4 episodes! I hope you will enjoy them and be blessed by them.

The channel itself is at www.youtube.com/cybersaltshaker or you can view the videos right on the Cybersalt Site itself at www.cybersalt.org/4qu

Also, congratulations to the winners of Cybersalt's 15th Anniversary Giveaway.  Ted*********@hotmail.com, Doug****@hotmail.com, and Wils****@bellsouth.net have each been notified and their respective prizes of $75, $50, and $25.

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

Here is today's CleanLaugh

Ticketing Mom?

Picture of Pulled Over By Police CarThanks to Kathy Edwards for submitting this true story.  She wrote, "Pastor Tim, This really happen to me when I was in the police academy....

One day the instructor asked us a very simple question......What would you do if you saw your mother run a red light....

A. pull her over and give her a ticket...

B. pull her over and give her a warning....or

C. just let her go, after all she is your mother?

When it came my turn to answer everybody looked my way because I was always cutting up in class...but being very serious I said..."The first thing I would do would be call for back-up"

Another woman in the class said, "it was very apparent that I knew nothing about the law."

To which I answered that it was apparent that she knew NOTHING ABOUT MY MOTHER!!!....

P.S....On the state exam I was the only one who answered the question correctly.

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Issue #3967 - Cybersalt's 15th Anniversary!

Today's Table of Contents

Cybersalt Turns 15!

Cybersalt turns 15 today! As the ancient Babylonians used to say on important occasions, WAHOO! 

Thank you, thank you, thank you to each and every one of you who have been a part of the last 15 years.  I can't fully express the ways that you all have been a blessing in my life (partly due to restraining orders in 6 different countries, but I digress) through Cybersalt.

Now, lest you worry this milestone may go to my head, I was surprised to learn that Google turned 15 yesterday.  Our parallel success reminds me that I'm not the only one in the world rocking the internet!  I wish Google nothing but success as they try to surpass me.

Later today I will be randomly picking the three winners of the 15th Anniversary Giveaway.  I'll be announcing the winning Cybersaltines on Monday.

BTW, do you know what the very first joke was that was sent out that September 28, 1996? You can read it at:
www.cybersalt.org/6y4

Again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you everyone.

- Pastor Tim

Here is today's CleanLaugh

Supermarket Saavy

picture of shopping cartOne day my brother-in-law noticed an elderly lady slowly pushing a cart through the supermarket parking lot.

Ever courteous, he insisted on taking it over for her.

The woman struggled alongside, doing her best to keep up.

At the entrance, he said, "Here you go, Ma'am," and gave her the cart.

Catching her breath, she said, "Thank you, but I was using it to lean on."

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One-liner #0931

passport"Jet lag is nature's way of making sure you look like your passport photo."

Here is today's CleanPun

Autocorrect

cellphone-iPhoneMy phone auto-corrects "killed" to "kilt."

Well plaid, phone. Well plaid.

Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1379

benjamin franklin"Content makes poor men rich; discontent makes rich men poor."
- Benjamin Franklin

Here is today's Illustration

Jesus Loves Me For Seniors

picture of old manJesus loves me, this I know
Though my hair is white as snow
Though my sight is growing dim
Still He bids me trust in him.(CHORUS 1):

YES, JESUS LOVES ME YES, JESUS LOVES ME
YES. JESUS LOVES ME THE BIBLE TELLS ME SO.

Though my steps are oh, so slow.
With my hand in his I'll go
On through life, let come what may
He'll be there too lead the way.

(CHORUS 1)

Though I am no longer young,
I have much which he's begun
Let me serve Christ with a smile.
Go with other's the extra mile.

(CHORUS 1)

When the nights are dark and long,
In my heart he puts a song,
Telling me in words so clear,
"Have not fear, for I am near."

(CHORUS 1)

When my work on earth is done,
And life's vic'tries have been won
He will take me home above,
Then I'll understand his love.

(CHORUS 1)

I love Jesus, does he know?
Have I ever told Him so?
Jesus loves to hear me say
That I love him every day.

(CHORUS 2):

Yes, I love Jesus,
Yes, I love Jesus,
Yes, I love Jesus
I tell Him when I pray.

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

 
  1. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3966 - September 26, 2013
  2. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3965 - September 18, 2013
  3. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3964 - September 1, 2013
  4. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3963 - August 11, 2013

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