Cybersalt Digest Archive


Issue #3966

Today's Table of Contents

Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday - and shortened urls to reduce clutter!

There are only three more days to get your extra entries in Cybersalt's 15th Anniversary Giveaway!  The winners will be picked on the evening of the 28th and announced on the 30th.  For more details on the contest go to:
www.cybersalt.org/3a

I am happy to report that I have completed three of four pilot episodes for the new Cybersalt Shaker YouTube Channel - subscribe today!
www.youtube.com/cybersaltshaker

Did you know that Cybersalt World Headquarters is on the route of the Ryder Hesjedal's Tour De Victoria?  I got up early on Sunday to film the race going by.  You can watch that video at:
www.cybersalt.org/kd

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

Here is today's CleanLaugh

Toy Disclaimers

a toy carHonest Toy Disclaimers

* No beanies or babies harmed in the manufacture of this product.

* Warning: This fad will disappear in 6 weeks.

* Caution: Care Bears do not actually care very much.

* Warning: This toy produces substantially less childish glee in real life than it does in the TV commercial.

* Do not purchase this toy at all. Put it back on the shelf! NOW!! Just walk away, timid little man.

* Do not stare at product. Hey! You're doing it now! Cut that out!!

* In case of breakage, scream until dad buys a replacement.

* Not to be taken internally, literally or seriously.

* Use as an actual terrorist device not recommended.

* Do not attempt to combine your Ultra Mega Warrior with your cat to make Ultra Mega Cat Warrior.

* NOTE: The makers of "Queen Amidala's Naboo Dream Palace" assume no responsibility for the quality of the movie which spawned it.

* Some assimilation required. Resistance is futile.

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Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0930

picture of walletI would like to join whatever weight loss program my wallet is on because its working wonders.

Here is today's CleanPun

Bad Omen

dog poodle dooBad Omen! That's a bad Omen! (Never adopt a dog named Omen.)

Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1378

friends"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words." 

Here is today's Illustration

Compromise and Adjustment

freezerJane had developed a system for labeling homemade freezer meals. She would carefully note in large clear letters, "Meatloaf," "Pot Roast," "Steak and Vegetables," "Chicken and Dumplings," or "Beef Pot Pie."

However, whenever she asked her husband what he wanted for dinner he never asked for any of those meals so she decided to stock the freezer with what he really asked for.

In Jane's freezer now you'll see a whole new set of labels. You'll find dinners with neat little tags that say: "Whatever," "Anything," "I Don't Know," "I Don't Care," "Something Good," or "Food.

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

 


Issue #3965

Today's Table of Contents

Cybersalt News

Breaking NewsCybersalt is excited to announce that September 28, 2013 is the 15th anniversary of the Cybersalt Site! To celebrate we're giving away 3 prizes ($75, $50, and $25) to randomly drawn people who have subscribed to, plussed, or liked Cybersalt newsletters or pages.  Watch this video (youtu.be/0w0uY_n9P4s) for more details or continue reading below!

Each of you can be entered 6 times by subscribing to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter, The PearlyGates Newsletter (featuring clean, theologically incorrect jokes), by liking the Cybersalt FaceBook fan page, by liking the Cybersalt Shaker Youtube Channel Facebook fan page, by plussing the Cybersalt Google+ page, and/or by plussing the Cybersalt Shaker YouTube Channel Google+ page.  The links for each of these are below.

I hope you will enter for this giveaway.  Thanks for being a part of Cybersalt!

- Pastor Tim

Here are the pages you can increase your entries on.

Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest
www.cybersalt.org/subscribe 

Subscribe to the PearlyGates Newsletter
(Features clean, theologically incorrect jokes)
www.cybersalt.org/subscribe 

Cybersalt Site Facebook Page
www.facebook.com/cybersaltsite 

The Cybersalt Shaker Channel Facebook Page
www.facebook.com/pages/Cybersalt-Shaker-Channel/337267109744142 

Cybersalt Site Google+ Page
plus.google.com/101021851393364126821/posts 

The Cybersalt Shaker Channel Google+ Page
plus.google.com/111085750009566466797/posts 

Here is today's CleanLaugh

Dress Code

jeansEmployed by the human-development center of a corporation in the midwest, my friend trains employees in proper dress codes and etiquette.

One day as she was stepping onto the elevator, a man casually dressed in jeans and a golf shirt got on with her.

Thinking of her responsibilities, she scolded, "Dressed a little casually today, aren't we?"

The man replied, "That's one benefit of owning the company...."

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Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0929

instruction-manual"Men say that women should come with instructions, but have you ever seen a man read instructions?"

Here is today's CleanPun

School Sweatshirt

Lambda SigmaDoes this Greek sweatshirt make me look frat?

Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1377

letter x"You know your growing in grace when people notice that you've stopped correcting there mistakes."

Here is today's Illustration

Opportunity

half glassDear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist,

While you guys were busy arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.

Sincerely,

the Opportunist.

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

 


Issue #3964

Today's Table of Contents

Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings everyone!

Early last month, I mentioned I was working on a project that I was going to unveil in September. Well, September is here and I'm excited to announce the Cybersalt Shaker YouTube channel.  If you want to read more about the channel, you can do so at:
www.cybersalt.org/cybersalt-shaker/cybersalt-shaker-youtube-channel

But really, who wants to read about a channel when you can watch it already?  Head on over to www.youtube.com/watch?v=L31oM-afEQY and check out the big news. I hope you'll subscribe too!

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

Here is today's CleanLaugh

Evaluation Excerpts

university buildingThese are actual excerpts from college course evaluation forms:

1. "The textbook is almost useless. I use it to kill roaches in my room."

2. "He teaches like Speedy Gonzalez on a caffeine high."

3. "Help! I've fallen asleep and I can't wake up!"

4. "The recitation instructor would make a good parking lot attendant. Tries to tell you where to go, but you can never understand him."

5. "The class is worthwhile because I need it for the degree."

6. "Textbook is confusing; someone with a knowledge of English should proofread it."

7. "Problem sets are a decoy to lure you away from potential exam material."

8. "He is one of the best teachers I have had...He is well-organized, presents good lectures, and creates interest in the subject. I hope my comments don't hurt his chances of getting tenure."

9. "I would sit in class and stare out the window at the squirrels. They've got a cool nest in the tree."

10. "Information was presented like a ruptured fire hose-spraying in all directions - no way to stop it."

11. "I never bought the text. My $60 was better spent on the Led Zeppelin CDs that I used while doing the problem sets."

12. "The course was very thorough. What wasn't covered in class was covered on the final exam."

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

 


Issue #3963

Today's Table of Contents

Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings everyone!

The Westside Bible Church web site has been updated with the audio recording of my message from last week.
www.westsidefamily.org/multimedia-podcast/messages

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

Here is today's CleanLaugh

Too Distant / Too Close

showerheadThe showers in my daughter's dorm turned scalding hot whenever a toilet was flushed. To warn others, residents would yell out, "Flushing!" each time they flushed the toilets.

During one of my daughter's visits home, a friend stopped by to chat for a while. I was explaining how my daughter was acting more distant now that she was in college, and that she didn't tell me all about her life the way she used to.

Suddenly we heard my daughter call out from the bathroom, "Flushing!"

"Wow!" said my friend, "How much more do you want to know?"

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Issue #3962

Today's Table of Contents

Cybersalt News

As mentioned earlier in the year, Cybersalt's 15th anniversary is coming up in September!  I've actually got something new in the works that I'm pretty excited about unveiling next month - more news on that in a little while.

For now, there is a new entry in the FunBlog.  It features some video I shot at the church yesterday.  You'll find "What Kind of Spider is This?" at:
www.cybersalt.org/funblog/what-kind-of-spider-is-this

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

Here is today's CleanLaugh

Lawn Ornaments

lawn ornamentsCustomer at a counter of a lawn ornament shop:

"Give me four of those pinwheels, two of those pink flamingos, two of the sunflowers, and one of those bent-over grandma in bloomers."

Cashier reply's:

"That'll be eight dollars for the pinwheels, ten dollars for the flamingos, six dollars for the sunflowers, and an apology to my wife!"

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Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0928

onion"A lot of people cry when they chop onions, but the trick is not to form an emotional bond."

Here is today's CleanPun

Powerful Super Heroes

supermanThe Man of Steel and Iron Man are powerful alloys.

Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1376

Aurelius Augustinus"Better that I find you, God, and leave the questions unanswered, than to find the answers without finding you."
- Aurelius Augustinus

Here is today's Illustration

Self-Righteousness

pokerJones jumped up from the card table white with rage.

"Stop this game," he shouted, "Smith is cheating!"

"How do you know?"

"He's not playing the hand I dealt him."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

 
  1. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3961 - August 9, 2013
  2. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3960 - August 8, 2013
  3. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3959 - August 7, 2013
  4. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3958 - August 4, 2013

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