Cybersalt Digest Archive


Issue #3945

Today's Table of Contents

Cybersalt News

There is a new funny sign picture on the Cybersalt site today.  You'll find "Wet Paint Ponder" at:
www.cybersalt.org/funny-signs/wet-paint-ponder

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

Here is today's CleanLaugh

Excuse Me Driver

picture of a taxiA guy in a taxi wanted to speak to the driver so he leaned forward and tapped him on the shoulder.

The driver screamed, jumped up in the air and yanked the wheel over.

The car mounted the curb, demolished a lamppost and came to a stop inches from a shop window.

The startled passenger said, "I didn't mean to frighten you, I just wanted to ask you something."

The Taxi driver said, "It's not your fault sir. It's my first day as a cab driver.

I've been driving a hearse for the past 25 years!"

Be A Cybersalt Fan on
facebook 199x75

twitter-2

Latest Funny Pictures

Want to share this edition of the Cybersalt Digest with your friends?


{forward}Forward via e-mail{/forward}

   

Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0914

picture of a villain“My condolences to the self-esteem of the teenage boy who just got stopped by a mall Proactiv saleswomen – that’s how super villains are born.”
- Michael Wong

Here is today's CleanPun

Social Vegan

vegetablesI’m a social vegan.

I avoid meet.

Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1362

knife and fork“Don’t dig your grave with your own knife and fork.”
- English Proverb

Here is today's Illustration

Assumptions

picture of crackersDuring my stay at an expensive hotel in New York City, I woke up in the middle of the night with an upset stomach.

I called room service and ordered some soda crackers. When I looked at the charge slip, I was furious. I called room service and raged, "I know I'm in a luxury hotel, but $11.50 for six crackers is ridiculous!"

"The crackers are complimentary," the voice at the other end coolly explained. "I believe you are complaining about your room number."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

 


Issue #3944

Today's Table of Contents

Cybersalt News

There is a new funny picture on the Cybersalt site today.  You’ll find “New Pastor” at:
www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/new-pastor

Enjoy the rest of today‘s mailing.

Here is today's CleanLaugh

The End Of The World

globeWhen the end of the world arrives how will the media report it?

USA Today: WE'RE DEAD

The Wall Street Journal: DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS

National Enquirer: SHEEP MISSING ALL OVER WORLD

Microsoft Systems Journal: APPLE LOSES MARKET SHARE

Sports Illustrated: GAME OVER

Wired: THE LAST NEW THING

Rolling Stone: THE GRATEFUL DEAD REUNION TOUR

Readers Digest: BYE

Discover Magazine: HOW WILL THE EXTINCTION OF ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW IT AFFECT THE WAY WE VIEW THE COSMOS?

TV Guide: DEATH AND DAMNATION: NIELSON RATINGS SOAR!

Lady's Home Journal: LOSE 10 LBS. BY JUDGEMENT DAY WITH OUR NEW "ARMAGEDDON" DIET!

America Online: SYSTEM TEMPORARILY DOWN. TRY CALLING BACK IN 100 YEARS

Inc. magazine: TEN WAYS YOU CAN PROFIT FROM THE APOCALYPSE

Microsoft's Web Site: IF YOU DIDN'T EXPERIENCE THE RAPTURE, DOWNLOAD SOFTWARE PATCH RAPT777.EXE.

IBM: ARMAGEDDON TOLERANT SOFTWARE NOW AVAILABLE!

N.Y. Post: WHAASSSUP ?

Boston Globe: STRONG N.E. WINDS PREDICTED

North Korean Central News Agency: AMERICA BLOWS UP WORLD

Arizona Republic: TEMPERATURES EXPECTED TO HIT 1016 F TODAY

Be A Cybersalt Fan on
facebook 199x75

twitter-2

Latest Funny Pictures

Want to share this edition of the Cybersalt Digest with your friends?


{forward}Forward via e-mail{/forward}

   

Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0913

picture of staring eye"Whether you mean it or not, be sincere!"

Here is today's CleanPun

Favorite Superhero

supermanMy favorite superhero is Oxymoron - the stain-fighting stupid person.

Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1361

chesterton"Men do not differ much about what things they will call evils; they differ enormously about what evils they will call excusable."
- G.K. Chesterton

Here is today's Illustration

Relevancy

church in the countryThe pastor told the search committee, "If I am voted in as pastor of this church, I will work hard to bring us into the 20th century."

Someone spoke up, "Uh, Preacher, don't you mean the 21st century?"

The pastor replied, "Let's take it one century at a time."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

 


Issue #3943

Today's Table of Contents

Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday!

There is a new funny picture on the Cybersalt site today.  You'll find "Shopping With Grandma" at:
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/shopping-with-grandma

There is also a new entry in my daughter Alyssa's "Moving With God" blog (www.cybersalt.org/blogs/moving-with-god).
If you want to subscribe to her blog you can do so on her site at:
www.movingwithgod.com/subscribe

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

Here is today's CleanLaugh

Can You See Me?

picture of seeing eye dogI'm a counselor who helps coordinate support groups for visually-impaired adults.

Many participants have a condition known as macular degeneration, which makes it difficult for them to distinguish facial features.

I had just been assigned to a new group and was introducing myself.

Knowing that many in the group would not be able to see me well, I jokingly said, "For those of you who can't see me, I've been told that I look like a cross between Paul Newman and Robert Redford."

Immediately, one woman called out, "We're not THAT blind!"

Be A Cybersalt Fan on
facebook 199x75

twitter-2

Latest Funny Pictures

Want to share this edition of the Cybersalt Digest with your friends?


{forward}Forward via e-mail{/forward}

   

Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0912

mousetrap"The early bird may get the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese."

Here is today's CleanPun

Bunch of Flowers

Picture of bunch of flowers"Life is like a bunch of flowers"
- Florist Gump

Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1360

picture of amazing grace"The weakest believer and the strongest saint are alike equally justified. Justification admits no degrees. A man is either wholly justified or wholly condemned in the sight of God."
- C.J. Mahaney

Here is today's Illustration

Baptism

church-pewThe youth director had been trying for months to get the little boy down the street to come to church to be with his third grade Sunday school class.

Finally after talking to the boy and his mother for what seemed to be the hundredth time the boy finally agreed to go this next Sunday, which he did and seemed to enjoy all of the proceedings except as the baptismal service began he ran out the back door and ran all the way home. His mother asked him why he ran home instead of riding with the youth minister.

The little boy answered, "Its all a racket, They get you there and let you make all those nice things and tell you great stories just to get you relaxed so they can drown you at the end of one of the services."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

 


Issue #3942

Today's Table of Contents

Cybersalt News

There is a new funny dog picture on the Cybersalt Site today.  You'll find "Death Star" at:
www.cybersalt.org/funny-dog-pictures/death-star

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

Here is today's CleanLaugh

Chose Your Weapon

picture of a serious sisterNine-year-old Aaron came home from the playground with a bloody nose, black eye, and torn clothing.

It was obvious he'd been in a bad fight and lost.

While his father was patching him up, he asked his son what happened.

"Well, Dad," said Aaron, "I challenged Larry to a duel. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons."

"Uh-huh," said the father, "that seems fair."

"I know, but I never thought he'd choose his sister!"

Be A Cybersalt Fan on
facebook 199x75

twitter-2

Latest Funny Pictures

Want to share this edition of the Cybersalt Digest with your friends?


{forward}Forward via e-mail{/forward}

   

Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0911

myspace-logo"Whenever I need a moment to myself, I just go to MySpace."

Here is today's CleanPun

Meringue Pie

picture of meringue pie"BOO-MERINGUE: When you angrily send back your pie."

Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1359

Picture of a mask"Rationality is seldom the partner of deception."
- Justice Christopher Grauer

Here is today's Illustration

Modesty, Pride

picture of a solar eclipseIn November 1919, shortly after Einstein's theory of relativity was confirmed by observations made from the island of Principe during an eclipse, Sir Arthur Eddington, an early advocate of relativity, was approached by Ludwig Silberstein at a joint meeting of the Royal Society and the Royal Astronomical Society.

"Professor Eddington," Silberstein declared, "you must be one of three persons in the world who understands general relativity."

When Eddington demurred, Silberstein continued, "Don't be modest, Eddington."

"On the contrary," Eddington replied. "I am trying to think who the third person is."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

 


Issue #3941

Today's Table of Contents

Cybersalt News

Thank you all for your kind words of appreciation as the Cybersalt Digest returned to your inboxes yesterday.  As you may have noticed, mailings now feature a link you can use to read each edition online if you prefer.

There is a new funny sign on the Cybersalt site today.  You will find "Baptist Air Conditioner" at:
www.cybersalt.org/funny-signs/baptist-air-conditioner

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

Here is today's CleanLaugh

Computerized Airline

plane-passenger-windowThe world's first fully computerized airliner was ready for its maiden flight without pilots or crew.

The plane taxied to the loading area automatically, its doors opened automatically, the steps came out automatically.

The passengers boarded the plane and took their seats.

The steps retreated automatically, the doors closed, and the airplane taxied toward the runway.

"Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen," a voice intoned.

"Welcome to the debut of the world's first fully computerized airliner. Everything on this aircraft is run electronically. Just sit back and relax. Nothing can go wrong ... nothing can go wrong...nothing can go wrong...."

Be A Cybersalt Fan on
facebook 199x75

twitter-2

Latest Funny Pictures

Want to share this edition of the Cybersalt Digest with your friends?


{forward}Forward via e-mail{/forward}

   

Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0910

math-one-plus-one-equals-three"There are only three kinds of people: Those who are good in math and those who are not."

Here is today's CleanPun

Rehab Sign

keep-off-the-grass"I saw a sign on the lawn at a drug re-hab center that said, 'Keep off the Grass.'"

Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1358

Robert Murray McCheyne"It is not great minds or great plans or great ideas that God uses. It is great likeness to Jesus Christ."
- Murray McCheyne

Here is today's Illustration

If Children Live With…

picture of a babyIf children live with criticism, they learn to condemn and be judgemental.

If children live with hostility, they learn to be angry and fight.

If children live with ridicule, they learn to be shy and withdrawn.

If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty

If children live with tolerance, they learn to be patient.

If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.

If children live with praise, they learn to appreciate.

If children live with fairness, they learn justice.

If children live with security, they learn to have faith.

If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.

If children live with acceptance and friendship, they learn to find love in the world.

- Dorothy Knolte

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

 
  1. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3940 - April 1, 2013
  2. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3939 - February 10, 2013
  3. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3938 - January 13, 2013
  4. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3937 - January 5, 2013

Page 233 of 315