Cybersalt Digest Archive


Issue #3976

Today's Table of Contents

Cybersalt News

There is a new funny picture on the Cybersalt Site today.  You will find "Time For Ambivalence" at:
www.cybersalt.org/338x

Also, please note that the Cybersalt Site will be offline for a few hours today beginning at 18:00 Pacific Daylight Time (that is 01:00 UTC on Saturday) while the servers we are hosted on are moved to a new location.  Please pray that this move takes place smoothly (and for patience for everyone who will not know what to do while they can't play bubbleshooter!) If you want to read more about the new location head on over to hd.islandnet.com/announcements/server-move

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

Here is today's CleanLaugh

Zeek's Hang Glider

picture of a hang gliderIn the back woods of Gooberland, you don't see too many people hang-gliding.

Ol' Zeek, however, decided to save up and bought himself a hang-glider. He took it to the highest mountain and after struggling to the top got ready to take flight. Running to the very edge he jumped off into the wind.

Meanwhile, Ma & Pa Hicks were sitting on the porch swing talking bout the good old days when Ma spotted the biggest bird she ever seen!

"Look at the size of that bird, Pa!" she exclaimed.

Paw rose up,"Git my gun, Ma."

Ma ran into the house and brought out his pump action shotgun.

He took careful aim and BANG...BANG.....BANG.....BANG! The monster size bird continued to sail silently over the tree tops.

"I think ya missed him, Pa." Ma said.

"Yeah," he replied, "but at least he let go of ol' Zeek!"

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Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0939

picture of child with bed headMy pillow is my hair stylist.

Here is today's CleanPun

Sleep

picture of iPhone in handSleep: There's a nap for that!

Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1387

picture of a footprint"A monument only says, 'At least I got this far,' while a footprint says, 'this is where I was when I moved again.'"
- William Faulkner.

Here is today's Illustration

Tennis Ball Lesson

picture of a tennis ballA college professor had the mysterious habit of removing a tennis ball from his jacket pocket as he walked into the lecture hall each morning. He would set it on the corner of the podium. After giving the lecture for the day, he would once again pick up the tennis ball, place it into his jacket pocket, and leave the room.

No one ever understood why he did this, until one day ...

A student fell asleep during the lecture. The professor didn't miss a word of his lecture while he walked over to the podium, picked up the tennis ball, and threw it, hitting the sleeping student squarely on the top of the head.

The next day, the professor walked into the room, reached into his jacket, removed a baseball ...

No one ever fell asleep in his class the rest of the semester!

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

 


Issue #3975

Today's Table of Contents

Cybersalt News

This is a shout-out to Daniel Redd Jones who left the following note on the Cybersalt Facebook Fanpage - "I am honestly surprised that your page doesn't have more likes! Lol, you were my favorite website when I was 10."

Ouch!  There are people who remember my site from when they were only 10?

Anyway, you can help wipe that surprised look right off of Daniel's face by liking the Cybersalt Facebook Fanpage today - www.facebook.com/cybersaltsite. Don't do it for me, do it for Daniel!

Daniel also said he misses the fun-links so for him (and everyone of course) I've added something to the FunBlog today.  You'll find "Traffic Jam Prank" at:
www.cybersalt.org/3333

Finally, Daniel, I want you to know I'm going to hit two home runs for you at tonight's game.  I'm there for you buddy - you can make it!

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

Here is today's CleanLaugh

Trapper's Stove

picture of a winter cabinAn engineer, a psychologist, and a theologian were hunting in the wilderness of northern Canada.

Suddenly, the temperature dropped and a furious snowstorm was upon them. They came across an isolated cabin, far removed from any town. The hunters had heard that the locals in the area were quite hospitable, so they knocked on the door to ask permission to rest.

No one answered their knocks, but they discovered the cabin was unlocked and they entered. It was a simple place ... 2 rooms with a minimum of furniture and household equipment. Nothing was unusual about the cabin except the stove. It was large, pot-bellied, and made of cast-iron. What was strange about it was its location ... it was suspended in midair by wires attached to the ceiling beams.

"Fascinating," said the psychologist. "It is obvious that this lonely trapper, isolated from humanity, has elevated this stove so that he can curl up under it and vicariously experience a return to the womb."

"Nonsense!" replied the engineer. "The man is practicing the laws of thermodynamics. By elevating his stove, he has discovered a way to distribute heat more evenly throughout the cabin."

"With all due respect," interrupted the theologian, "I'm sure that hanging his stove from the ceiling has religious meaning. Fire LIFTED UP has been a religious symbol for centuries."

The three debated the point for several hours without resolving the issue. When the trapper finally returned, they immediately asked him why he had hung his heavy pot-bellied stove from the ceiling.

His answer was succinct. "Had plenty of wire, not much stove pipe."

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Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0938

febreezeIf I don't clean my home soon, someone is going to bring in blindfolded people for a Febreeze commercial.

Here is today's CleanPun

Average

mean expCalling someone average is mean.

Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1386

picture of old man"I think age is a very high price to pay for maturity."
- Tom Stoppard

Here is today's Illustration

Doctor's Bill

picture of a doctorJill received a bill from the hospital for her recent surgery, and was astonished to see a $900 fee for the anesthesiologist. She called his office to demand an explanation.

"Is this some kind of mistake?" Jill asked when she got the doctor on the phone.

"No, not at all," the doctor said calmly.

"Well," said Jill, "that's awfully costly for knocking someone out."

"Not at all," replied the doctor. "I knock you out for free. The 900 dollars is for bringing you back around."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

 


Issue #3974

Today's Table of Contents

Cybersalt News

ss cybersalt shaker 008I spent about 90 minutes in a cold, damp, foggy cemetery yesterday recording Cybersalt Shaker Episode #008. So far as videos in cemeteries go it was pretty uneventful - though one squirrel was clearly unhappy I was there.  You can watch "Liking and Loving the Bad" at:
www.cybersalt.org/3kru

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

Here is today's CleanLaugh

Pop Please

pop canWhile on maternity leave, a woman from our office brought in her new bundle of joy.

She also had her seven-year-old son with her.

Everyone gathered around the baby, and the little boy asked, "Mommy, can I have some money to buy a soda?"

"What do you say?" she asked.

Respectfully, the boy replied, "You're thin and beautiful."

The woman reached in her purse and gave her son the money.

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Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0937

ipadI can't believe all the singles in my area that want to meet me - it's probably because of all the iPads I've won!

Here is today's CleanPun

My Other Car

picture of limo at shackI'd say my other car is a limousine, but that would be a stretch.

Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1385

mike-wilkerson“Here’s what’s surprising about making sense of your life in God’s story: the story is not about you—it’s about him. He is both the author and the main character, and he has written you into his story to say something about him.”
- Mike Wilkerson, Redemption

Here is today's Illustration

Power Of Suggestion

veal parmesanThe customer in the Italian restaurant was so pleased that he asked to speak to the chef. The owner proudly led him into the kitchen and introduced him to the chef.

"Your veal parmigiana was superb," the customer said. "I just spent a month in Italy, and yours is better than any I ever had over there."

"Naturally," the chef said. "Over there, they use domestic cheese. Ours is imported from Italy."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

 


Issue #3973

Today's Table of Contents

Cybersalt News

It has been super foggy around Cybersalt World Headquarters the last 4 or 5 days!  It has made for some grey days but has also provided opportunity to play around with videoing the heavily filtered sun. Here is a link to two videos I shot of the sunset last Friday:
www.cybersalt.org/3k96

Also, one of the first 7 episodes of the Cybersalt Shaker has reached the 200 views mark! If you haven't watched "Be a Small Intestine" yet, you can catch up at:
www.cybersalt.org/krkx

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

Here is today's CleanLaugh

New Golfer

golf bagA retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers.

Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game.

The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said, "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green."

The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole.

"Now what ?" the fellow asked the speechless pro.

"Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup." the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again.

"Oh great! NOW you tell me," said the beginner.

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Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0936

picture of pointing fingerThe last time I took advice, it only worked because I changed it.

Here is today's CleanPun

Bouquet Toss

Picture of a Bridal BouquetWhen they tossed the bouquet at the hypochondriac wedding everybody caught something.

Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1384

rose wilted"Lust may be the best example of sin's pattern of over-promising, under-delivering, and ensnaring."
- Brad Hambrick

Here is today's Illustration

Following Jesus

sign wrong wayJesus: Follow me

Many of Us: How about I go to a building once a week for a couple of hours and we call it good?

Jesus: Huh?

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

 


Issue #3972

Today's Table of Contents

Cybersalt News

There is a new page in the FunBlog today.  This simple black and white cartoon portrays what it can be like "Being a Dad at the Park":
www.cybersalt.org/ky94

Speaking of park cartoons, you'll probably enjoy this cartoon as well.  It's one I added to another website I play around with from time to time.  Check out "Car Park Trouble" at:
http://www.wristbunkle.com/car-park-trouble

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

Here is today's CleanLaugh

Daytime Television

picture of an old tvA newspaper reporter was writing a feature story about prison life and was interviewing one of the prisoners. "Do you watch much television here?"

"Only the daytime shows," the inmate said. "At night we're locked in our cells and don't see any television."

"That's too bad," the reporter said, "But I do think it is nice that the warden lets you watch it in the daytime."

"What do you mean, nice?" the inmate said. "That's part of the punishment."

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Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0935

question mark"Indescribable" sure has a lot of words.

Here is today's CleanPun

Concert Seats

picture of a theatreIronically, I went to an Usher concert and could not find a seat.

Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1383

Parents, the African Proverb is right . . . when elephants fight ants get hurt.picture of arguing

Here is today's Illustration

Expert Testimony

arthur c clarkeArthur C. Clarke, who wrote the science fiction novel 2001: A Space Odyssey, was also a scientist.

He received a telegram from newspaper publisher William Randolph Hearst demanding, "Is there life on Mars? Cable one thousand words."

Clarke wired back: "Nobody knows. Repeat five hundred times."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

 
  1. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3971 - October 16, 2013
  2. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3970 - October 10, 2013
  3. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3969 - October 8, 2013
  4. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3968 - September 30, 2013

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