"Crime in multi-storey car parks - that is wrong on so many different levels."
- Tim Vine
One-liners
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
The CEO of IKEA was elected Prime Minister in Sweden. He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend.
I like work; it fascinates me ... I can sit and look at it for hours.
- Jerome K. Jerome
Logic is the art of going wrong with confidence.
- Morris Kline
You don't need a parachute to go skydiving; you need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
We have enough youth ... how about a Fountain of Smart?
When men are growing up and reading about Batman, Spiderman, and Superman, these are not fantasies - these are options.
- Jerry Seinfeld
My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are; but I laugh more.
The best revenge is living well.
- Jerry Seinfeld
A fire hydrant has H-2-O on the inside and K-9-P on the outside.
Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.
- Jerry Seinfeld
I've just written a song about tortillas; actually, it's more of a rap.
Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.
- Jerry Seinfeld
I ate a clock yesterday; it was very time consuming.