Cronacoaster: noun; the ups and downs of a pandemic. One day you're loving your bubble, doing work outs, baking banana bread and going for long walks and the next you're crying, drinking gin for breakfast, and missing people you don't even like.
One-liners
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Marriage Counselor: Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is that true?
Him: To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.
I love approaching 80 - I learn something new every day and forget five other things!
Life is like a helicopter ... I don't know how to operate a helicopter.
It's weird being the same age as old people.
I dream of a world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned!
Ring your doorbell on your way to bed; this will clear the dogs off of the bed just long enough for you to get comfortable.
To everyone that received a book from me for Christmas, they're due back at the library next Friday.
So if a cow doesn't produce milk, is it a milk dud or an udder failure?
Chocolate is God's way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.
"I may not be that funny or athletic or good-looking or smart or talented ... I forgot where I was going with this..."
I think I'll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
Don't be worried about your smartphone or TV spying on you ... your vacuum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for years.
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave the house.
If 2021 was a math word problem:
If you're going down a river at 2 mph and your canoe loses a wheel, how much pancake mix would you need to re-shingle your roof?