You know children are growing up when they start asking questions that have answers.
One-liners
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
A dog's life wouldn't be too bad … all a dog has to worry about is the toilet seat falling on it's head.
It's not a sin to be rich … it's a miracle!
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
- Fred Allen
You know it's going to be a bad day when your twin brother forgets your birthday.
Pick a winner; anyone can pick a loser.
I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
- Steven Wright
"If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?"
- Jerry Seinfeld
Rice is great when you're hungry and you want 2,000 of something.
- Mitch Hedberg
The trouble with opportunity is ...
it always looks bigger going than coming.
Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and the father of a large family!
Tell me who admires and loves you, and I will tell you who you are.
- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Self-loathing: I hate intolerant people!
The LORD giveth and the government taketh away.
If your outgo exceeds your income, then your upkeep will be your downfall.