One-liners

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it, or leave it.

- Buddy Hackett

At pilot's training back in the Air Corps they taught us, "Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you make."

Avoid cutting yourself while clumsily slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!

Beware of buying anything when the manuals are bigger than the equipment.

Called my stockbroker this morning and asked him what I should be buying and he said, "Canned goods and ammunition."

Calories are delicious.

Can you get cavities in your dentures if you use too much artificial sweetener?

Cats are smarter than dogs - you can't get eight cats to pull a sled thru snow.

Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.

Christmas is weird- what other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?

Cliches are a dime a dozen.

Cliches are a dime a dozen.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

Correction -- the following typo appeared in our last bulletin: "Lunch will be gin at 12:15 p.m." Please correct to read "12 noon."