One-liners

Death to fanatics!

Do you think chickens find a rubber human funny?

Doctors can be frustrating - you wait 6 weeks for an appointment, and he says, "I wish you'd come to me sooner."

Don't bother me; I'm living happily ever after.

Don't fix the blame - fix the problem.

Don't tell God how big your problems are - tell your problems how big your God is.

Don't trust anyone over 30 who used to say 'Don't trust anyone over 30.'

Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.

Don't wear your glasses on a blind date - you'll look better, and your date will too.

Employment application blanks always ask 'Who is to be notified in case of an emergency' and I think you should write, "A Good Doctor!"

Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them?

For others who may not know this: When the preacher says, You may now kiss the bride, he's only speaking to the groom.

- David Gunter

For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.

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Grandchildren are God's reward for you not killing your own children.