Your Source of Cyber Salt for the Cyber World

sign up for free cybersalt today button

  • Home
  • Blogs
    • Archives
    • Ask Juan
    • God's Penman
    • Guest Authors
    • Moving With God
    • Shirley Choat
    • Simply Susan
    • Suneel Barkat
    • Susan Page
    • Totally Tim
  • Entertainment
    • Cartoons
    • Clean Jokes
    • Clean Puns
    • Fun Blog
    • Funny Pictures
    • One-liners
    • Games
    • Pearly Gates Jokes
    • Daily Cartoon
    • Random Jokes
    • Cybersalt Digest Archive
    • Your Turn to Be Funny
  • Inspiration
    • Body of Christ Connection
    • Illustrations
    • Quotes
    • Random Quotes
    • Truth and Reconciliation
    • Videos
  • News
    • Cybersalt News
    • News Feeds
    • Letters
    • Better Computing
  • Support
    • Web Hosting Packages
    • Domain Registration
    • Web Design
    • Login
    • FaceBook Modules
    • Contact Support
    • Our Mission
  • Archive

Cybersalt Digest Archive

The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3765 - October 14, 2011


Issue #3765


Cybersalt News

Thanks to everyone who let me know that you could not access Cybersalt pages on iPhones and Android phones (if you have a Blackberry that was a whole other issue - but you know about that!)  I looked into the problem and discovered it was a caching problem.

I've turned off the site's cache feature and am looking for a permanent fix.  It's just too bad that so many of life's problems come down to cache.

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.


Here is today's CleanLaugh

Visiting Oxford

An guy was visiting Oxford University for the first time. He stopped a passing Oxford don and asked, "Excuse me, can you tell me if that's Trinity College I'm looking at?"

The don sneered, "You are probably unaware that you have just ended your sentence with a preposition. You may wish to rephrase your question."

The guy thought for a moment and said,

"Can you tell me if that's Trinity College I'm looking at, YOU JERK!"

 

Be A
Cybersalt Fan
on
facebook_199x74


Latest Funny Pictures

  • When Fish Dream

  • Water on Road When Raining

  • SUV Outhouse

  • A Very Mooving Protest

  • Switch Babysitters


Want to share this edition of the Cybersalt Digest with your friends?


{forward}Forward via e-mail{/forward}


Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0738

"I'm a light eater - as soon as it's light, I start to eat."
- Art Donovan


Here is today's CleanPun

Getting Dirt

"My wife gets more dirt out of a phone than she can out of a vacuum cleaner!"
(Curly David)

 


Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1191

"Vote for the man who promises the least. He will be the least disappointing."
- Bernard Baruch


Here is today's Illustration

Ugly the Tomcat

"Ugly The Tomcat"

Everyone in the apartment complex I lived in knew who Ugly was. Ugly was the resident tomcat. Ugly loved three things in this world: fighting, eating garbage, and, shall we say, love.

The combination of these things combined with a life spent outside had their effect on Ugly. To start with, he had only one eye and where the other should have been was a hole. He was also missing his ear on the same side, his left foot appeared to have been badly broken at one time, and had healed at an unnatural angle, making him look like he was always turning the corner.

Ugly would have been a dark gray tabby, striped type, except for the sores covering his head, neck, and even his shoulders.

Every time someone saw Ugly there was the same reaction. "That's one UGLY cat!!!"

All the children were warned not to touch him, the adults threw rocks at him, hosed him down, and squirted him when he tried to come in their homes, or shut his paws in the door when he would not leave. Ugly always had the same reaction.

If you turned the hose on him, he would stand there, getting soaked until you gave up and quit. If you threw things at him, he would curl his lanky body around your feet in forgiveness.

Whenever he spied children, he would come running, meowing frantically and bump his head against their hands, begging for their love.

If you ever picked him up he would immediately begin suckling on your shirt, earrings, whatever he could find.

One day Ugly shared his love with the neighbor's dogs. They did not respond kindly, and Ugly was badly mauled. I tried to rush to his aid. By the time I got to where he was laying, it was apparent Ugly's sad life was almost at an end.

As I picked him up and tried to carry him home, I could hear him wheezing and gasping, and could feel him struggling. It must be hurting him terribly, I thought.

Then I felt a familiar tugging, sucking sensation on my ear. Ugly, in so much pain, suffering and obviously dying, was trying to suckle my ear. I pulled him closer to me, and he bumped the palm of my hand with his head, then he turned his one golden eye towards me, and I could hear the distinct sound of purring.

Even in the greatest pain, that ugly battled scarred cat was asking only for a little affection, perhaps some compassion.

At that moment I thought Ugly was the most beautiful, loving creature I had ever seen. Never once did he try to bite or scratch me, try to get away from me, or struggle in any way. Ugly just looked up at me completely trusting in me to relieve his pain.

Ugly died in my arms before I could get inside, but I sat and held him for a long time afterwards, thinking about how one scarred, deformed little stray could so alter my opinion about what it means to have true pureness of spirit, to love so totally and truly.

Ugly taught me more about giving and compassion than a thousand books, lectures, or talk show specials ever could, and for that I will always be thankful.

He had been scarred on the outside, but I was scarred on the inside, and it was time for me to move on and learn to love truly and deeply. To give my total to those I cared for.

Many people want to be richer, more successful, well liked, beautiful, but for me. . . I will always try to be Ugly.

Author Unknown


The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

End of Newsletter

{modify}To Modify your Subscription Click Here{/modify}

The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3764 - October 13, 2011


Issue #3764


Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday!

Enjoy today's mailing.


Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1190

"The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they make the best of everything."


Here is today's Illustration

Slow Down Therapy

"Slow Down Therapy"

1. Slow down; God is still in heaven. You are not responsible for doing it all yourself, right now.

2. Remember a happy, peaceful time in your past. Rest there. Each moment has richness that takes a lifetime to savor.

3. Set your own pace. When someone is pushing you, it's OK to tell them they're pushing.

4. Take nothing for granted: watch water flow, the corn grow, the leaves blow, your neighbor mow.

5. Taste your food. God gives it to delight as well as to nourish.

6. Notice the sun and the moon as they rise and set. They are remarkable for their steady pattern of movement, not their speed.

7. Quit planning how you're going to use what you know, learn, or possess. God's gifts just are; be grateful and their purpose will be clear.

8. When you talk with someone, don't think about what you'll say next. Thoughts will spring up naturally if you let them.

9. Talk and play with children. It will bring out the unhurried little person inside you.

10. Create a place in your home...at your work...in your heart...where you can go for quiet and recollection. You deserve it.

11. Allow yourself time to be lazy and unproductive. Rest isn't luxury; it's a necessity.

12. Listen to the wind blow. It carries a message of yesterday and tomorrow-and now. NOW counts.

13. Rest on your laurels. They bring comfort whatever their size, age, or condition.

14. Talk slower. Talk less. Don't talk. Communication isn't measured by words.

15. Give yourself permission to be late sometimes. Life is for living, not scheduling.

16. Listen to the song of a bird; the complete song. Music and nature are gifts, but only if you are willing to receive them.

17. Take time just to think. Action is good and necessary, but it's fruitful only if we muse, ponder, and mull.

18. Make time for play at the things you like to do. Whatever your age, your inner child needs re-creation.

19. Watch and listen to the night sky. It speaks.

20. Listen to the words you speak, especially in prayer.

21. Learn to stand back and let others take their turn as leaders. There will always be new opportunities for you to step out in front again.

22. Divide big jobs into little jobs. If God took six days to create the universe, can you hope to do any better?

23. When you find yourself rushing and anxious, stop. Ask yourself "WHY?" you are rushing and anxious. The reasons may improve your self-understanding.

24. Take time to read the Bible. Thoughtful reading is enriching reading.

25. Direct your life with purposeful choices, not with speed and efficiency. The best musician is one who plays with expression and meaning, not the one who finishes first.

26. Take a day off alone; make a retreat. You can learn from monks and hermits without becoming one.

27. Pet a furry friend. You will give and get the gift of now.

28. Work with your hands. It frees the mind.

29. Take time to wonder. Without wonder, life is merely existence.

30. Sit in the dark. It will teach you to see and hear, taste and smell.

31. Once in a while, turn down the lights, the volume, the throttle, the invitations. Less really can be more.

32. Let go. Nothing is usually the hardest thing to do - but often it is the best.

33. Take a walk-but don't go anywhere. If you walk just to get somewhere, you sacrifice the walking.

34. Count your friends. If you have one, you are lucky. If you have more, you are blessed. Bless them in return.

35. Count your blessings - one at a time and slowly

- author unknown


The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

End of Newsletter

{modify}To Modify your Subscription Click Here{/modify}

The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3763 - October 12, 2011


Issue #3763


Cybersalt News

I hope you enjoy today's mailing!


Here is today's CleanLaugh

Manager's Project Buzzword Tool

Are you a manager and behind in your team's project?  Here is a handy tool for helping you to report to your superiors.

COLUMN I

0. integrated
1. heuristic
2. systematized
3. parallel
4. functional
5. responsive
6. optional
7. synchronized
8. compatible
9. futuristic

COLUMN I

0. management
1. organizational
2. monitored
3. reciprocal
4. digital
5. logistical
6. transitional
7. incremental
8. third-generation
9. policy

COLUMN III

0. options
1. flexibility
2. capability
3. mobility
4. programming
5. scenarios
6. time-phase
7. projection
8. hardware
9. contingency

The procedure is simple.  Think of any three-digit number, and then select the corresponding buzzword from each column.

For instance, number 257  produces "systematized logistical projection," a phrase that can be dropped into virtually any report with a sincere ring of decisive, knowledgeable authority.

No one will have the remotest idea of what you're talking about, but the important thing is that THEY ARE NOT ABOUT TO ADMIT IT!

Be A
Cybersalt Fan
on
facebook_199x74


Latest Funny Pictures

  • Boat Motor ATV

  • Computer Solution

  • Father's Day Revenge

  • Penguins and Duck Egg

  • Monday Morning Cement Truck


Want to share this edition of the Cybersalt Digest with your friends?


{forward}Forward via e-mail{/forward}


Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0736

"Some people are motivated by carrots, others by sticks, but nobody is motivated by carrot sticks."


Here is today's CleanPun

Homework

"My homework is like a juicy steak -- rarely done."


Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1189

"Science is truth - don't be misled by facts."


Here is today's Illustration

Adolescent Changes

Seeing my 11-year-old son perusing a website filled with photos of Britney Spears, I commented, "She certainly is pretty. Which picture do you like best?"

"I don't know," he mumbled, embarrassed by his newfound interest in girls. "I'm just reading about her."

I came closer and peered at the screen. "Oh, really?" I said. "So when did you learn to read Spanish?

 


The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

End of Newsletter

{modify}To Modify your Subscription Click Here{/modify}

The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3762 - October 11, 2011


Issue #3762


Cybersalt News

There are 11 funny pages transferred to the New Cybersalt Site today.  That's more than are displayed in the sidebar of today's mailing, so if you want to see them all start at "Donkey Lift" and then keep clicking the "next" button on each page.
www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/donkey-lift

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.


Here is today's CleanLaugh

Rules for Laboratory Workers

Rules for Laboratory Workers

1. When you don't know what you're doing, do it neatly.

2. First draw your curves, then plot the data.

3. Experience is directly proportional to the equipment ruined.

4. Experiments must be reproducible. They should all fail the same way.

5. A record of data is essential. It indicates you have been working.

6. In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.

7. Do not believe in miracles. Rely on them.

8. Teamwork is essential in the lab. It allows you to blame someone else.

9. Always leave room to add an explanation when it doesn't work.

Be A
Cybersalt Fan
on
facebook_199x74


Latest Funny Pictures

  • Sharp Edges

  • Donkey Lift

  • Dad and Look Alike Kids

  • Hot and Cold Water Tanks

  • Van Dip


Want to share this edition of the Cybersalt Digest with your friends?


{forward}Forward via e-mail{/forward}


Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0735

"There's too much blood in my caffeine system."


Here is today's CleanPun

Police Dogs

"Police dogs are often the scenter of a drug arrest."


Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1188

"The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes."


Here is today's Illustration

Enormously Gorgeous

My Dad says I am Enormously Gorgeous. I wonder if I really am?

To be Enormously Gorgeous...Sarah says you need to have beautiful long curly hair like she has. I don't.

To be Enormously Gorgeous...Justin says you must have perfectly straight white teeth like he has. I don't.

To be Enormously Gorgeous...Jessica says you can't have any of those little brown dots on your face called freckles. I do.

To be Enormously Gorgeous...Mark says you have to be the smartest kid in the seventh grade class. I'm not.

To be Enormously Gorgeous...Stephen says you have to be able to tell the funniest jokes in the school. I don't.

To be Enormously Gorgeous...Lauren says you need to live in the nicest neighborhood in town and in the prettiest house. I don't.

To be Enormously Gorgeous...Matthew says you can only wear the coolest clothes and the most popular shoes. I don't.

To be Enormously Gorgeous...Samantha says you need to come from a perfect family. I don't.

But every night at bedtime my dad gives me a big hug and says, "You are Enormously Gorgeous, and I love you."

My dad must know something my friends don't.

- Carla O'Brien.

 


The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

End of Newsletter

{modify}To Modify your Subscription Click Here{/modify}

The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3761 - October 10, 2011


Issue #3761


Cybersalt News

There is a new Rev. James Snyder devotional on the Cybersalt Site today.  You can read "My Grandfather and that New Contraption... The Telephone" at:
www.cybersalt.org/gods-penman/my-grandfather-and-that-new-contraption-the-telephone

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.


Here is today's CleanLaugh

Little Johnny's Bike

Little Johnny was one of those holy terrors.  His dad was surprised when Johnny's mom suggested that they buy him a bike for his birthday.

"Do you really believe that'll help improve his behavior ?" he said.

"Well, no," she admitted, "But it will spread it over a wider area."

 

Be A
Cybersalt Fan
on
facebook_199x74


Latest Funny Pictures

  • Thanksgiving Turkey Lamp

  • Street Office

  • Polar Bear Happy Place

  • Baby with Ventriloquist Dummy

  • TV Elephant


Want to share this edition of the Cybersalt Digest with your friends?


{forward}Forward via e-mail{/forward}


Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0734

"The hardest part about going to Hypochondriacs Anonymous is admitting that you don't have a problem."


Here is today's CleanPun

Environmental Abominations

Hoover's machines are environmental abominations?

Nature abhors a vacuum.

- Lars Hanson


Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1187

"Google before you tweet is the new think before you speak."


Here is today's Illustration

How Many People It Took To Make You!

How Many People It Took To Make You!


1)............1 YOU
2)............2 parents
3)............4 grandparents
4)............8 great grandparents
5)...........16 gg grandparents
6)...........32 ggg grandparents
7)...........64 gggg grandparents
8)..........128 ggggg grandparents
9)..........256 gggggg grandparents
10..........512 ggggggg grandparents
11).......1,024 gggggggg grandparents
12).......2,048 ggggggggg grandparents
13).......4,096 gggggggggg grandparents
14).......8,192 ggggggggggg grandparents
15)......16,184 gggggggggggg grandparents
16)......32,768 ggggggggggggg grandparents
17)......65,536 gggggggggggggg grandparents
18).....131,072 ggggggggggggggg grandparents
19).....262,144 gggggggggggggggg grandparents
20).....524,288 ggggggggggggggggg grandparents
21)...1,048,576 gggggggggggggggggg grandparents
22)...2,097,152 ggggggggggggggggggg grandparents


The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

End of Newsletter

{modify}To Modify your Subscription Click Here{/modify}

  1. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3760 - October 9, 2011
  2. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3759 - October 8, 2011
  3. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3758 - October 7, 2011
  4. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3757 - October 6, 2011

Page 269 of 315

  • 264
  • 265
  • 266
  • 267
  • 268
  • 269
  • 270
  • 271
  • 272
  • 273

Cybersalt

Salt in the cyber world.

Clean humour and real encouragement you can share with anyone — your mother, your pastor, your inbox. Collected here for more than twenty years.

Laughs

  • Clean Jokes
  • Funny Pictures
  • Cartoons — The Back Pew
  • One-Liners
  • Pearly Gates Jokes
  • Games

Encouragement

  • Inspiration
  • Quotes
  • Videos
  • Illustrations
  • Blogs
  • Cybersalt News

The Cybersalt Digest

Clean humour and encouragement delivered free to your inbox.

Subscribe free →

Over 5,100 issues. Unsubscribe anytime.

  • Read the archive
  • Send us something funny

© 1996–2026 Cybersalt Consulting Ltd.

Contact Article Archive Privacy Policy Anti-Spam Policy Subscribe