Issue #4441
Cybersalt News
Sunday greetings everyone!
Rev. James Snyder isn't naive about why he is called naive, nor is he worried about being naive. You can read "I’m Really Enjoying My Naivety" at:
www.cybersalt.org/gods-penman/i-m-really-enjoying-my-naivety
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!
Today's CleanLaugh
New Home No Hears
Top ten things you don't want to hear from your real estate agent when you go to settlement on your new home:
1. "I think unexplained crop circles add a unique flair to any home's garden."
2. "Actually, it's only the rear portion of the yard that overlaps the ancient Indian burial ground."
3. "Yes, the last owner did donate the house to the Hell's Angels, but I'm told that the judge has ordered them not to come within 50 feet of it."
4. "One bleeding mirror doesn't necessarily mean it's haunted."
5. "Your neighbor has assured me that, technically, they're not 'killer' bees."
6. "Even if there was a full-scale mudslide, it's unlikely that it would reach as far back as your property."
7. "It's quite common for roaches to grow that big even when not in the presence of radioactivity."
8. "Did you know that the punk band "Grave Robber" holds their practice sessions right next door?"
9. "It's true that they died in the house, but the prosecutor was never actually able to prove it was murder."
10. "You can barely hear the sheet metal factory at night."
Today's One Liner
One-liner #1369
Self-Annihilating Sentence: Advice
If you want to think independently, you must imitate me.
Today's Clean Pun
Twinkletoes
I have LED shoestrings, so yeah ... pretty light on my feet.
Today's Quote
Quote #1811
"Practice the Pause. When in doubt, pause. When angry, pause. When tired, pause. When stressed, pause.
And when you pause ... pray."
- Unknown
Today's Illustration
Imagination
I was making Play-doh animals with my four-year-old niece, Chris, and her three-year-old brother, Neil. While Chris was clearly molding a crude but recognizable dog, figuring what Neil was making was a bit more challenging.
"It's a cat," he told me, "but a truck ran over it."
Sometime later, Chris had made another simple animal shape, but Neil had a rather flat slab of dough on the table in front of him.
"What happened to this one?" I asked.
Neil shrugged and said simply, "Same truck."
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
A woman was taking her time browsing through everything at a friend's yard sale, and said to her, "My husband is going to be very angry I stopped at a yard sale."
Self-Annihilating Sentence
Writer's block is serious business; you can't make this stuff up!
In a very exclusive private school near California's Silicon Valley, a third-grade teacher was lecturing her upper high-class students about the less fortunate. She asked them each to write an essay about a poor family in the area.
There's a man trying to cross the street.
"I am myself, and I'm going to continue to play that role!"
Go ahead and give your pastor a bonus based on church growth... it will bring a new meaning to the words Great Commission.
One of the busiest times for a meat-department manager in a supermarket occurs when there is a sale on particular cuts.
~ I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. Okay?
I used to think that marriage was a 50 - 50 proposition ... until I realized that I knew nothing about women or fractions.
I've been to a lot of places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone, you have to be in Cahoots with someone.
Dave took Mary out for a romantic dinner where the conversation turned to the subject of marriage. Dave had been saving for an engagement ring, but he was in graduate school and in dire need of a new computer.
About 90 fifth-graders piled into the airliner I was flying, on their way home from a school trip.
Even though I don't say so, I think you stink!
Tree puns: always poplar!
Because of a shortage of maids, the minister's wife advertised for a manservant. The next morning a nicely dressed young man came to the front door. "Can you start the breakfast by seven o'clock?" asked the minister.