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Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings everyone!

When it comes to "discussions" with his wife, Rev. James Snyder wishes time was on his side. You can read "Is Time a Friend or an Enemy?" at:
www.cybersalt.org/gods-penman/is-time-a-friend-or-an-enemy

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

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Today's CleanLaugh

Who Am I?

Years ago, when our daughters were very young, we'd drop them off at our church's children's chapel on Sundays before the eleven o'clock service.

One Sunday, just as I was about to open the door to the small chapel, the minister came rushing up in full vestments. He said he had an emergency and asked if I'd speak to the children at their story time. He said the subject was the Twenty-third Psalm.

But just as I was about to get up from the back row and talk about the good shepherd, the minister burst into the room and signaled to me that he would be able to do the story time after all.

He told the children about sheep, that they weren't smart and needed lots of guidance, and that a shepherd's job was to stay close to the sheep, protect them from wild animals and keep them from wandering off and doing dumb things that would get them hurt or killed.

He pointed to the little children in the room and said that they were the sheep and needed lots of guidance.

Then the minister put his hands out to the side, palms up in a dramatic gesture, and with raised eyebrows said to the children, "If you are the sheep then who is the shepherd?" He was pretty obviously indicating himself.

A silence of a few seconds followed. Then a young visitor said, " Jesus, Jesus is the shepherd."

The young minister, obviously caught by surprise, said to the boy, "Well, then, who am I?"

The little boy frowned thoughtfully and then said with a shrug, "I guess you must be a sheep dog."

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Today's One Liner

One-liner #1358

I keep telling myself that I am a pathological liar, but I am not sure if I believe it.

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Today's Clean Pun

Diet Interview

Conflict Resolution:

Always ask angry vegans what their beef is.

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Today's Quote

Quote #1800

"Wedding vows are not a declaration of present love but a mutually binding promise of future love."

- Tim Keller

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Today's Illustration

X-Ray Innocence

A young girl of 4 was told she needed an X-ray after an accident. Her mother tried to calm her down, but she was still nervous when the time came for the X-Ray. When she came out of the X-ray room, however, she seemed relaxed and just fine.

"They took a picture of my bones," she told her mother.

"Yes, dear," replied the mother. "Did everything go all right?"

"Yeah," said the girl. "It was great! I didn't even have to take my skin off, or anything!"

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

  Issue #4428    

 

   

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Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday!

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim

     

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Today's CleanLaugh

Visiting Friends

Hush-A-Bye Buddy

(Modified from Rock-A-Bye Baby)

Hush-A-Bye Buddy
In our guest room
It's been three weeks now --
Are you leaving us soon?
We'll all miss your snoring
And carrying on,
But please--
Won't you go back
To Boca Raton?

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Today's One Liner

One-liner #1357

I have a twin brother - he's identical, but I am not.

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Today's Clean Pun

Played Down

So, you bought a deck of giant novelty playing cards. Big deal!

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Today's Quote

Quote #1799

"Be much in secret prayer. Converse less with man, and more with God."

- George Whitefield

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Today's Illustration

First Impressions Boss

A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he thinks this is his chance to show everyone he means business!

The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, "And how much money do you make a week?"

Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $200.00 a week. Why?"

The CEO then hands the guy $200 in cash and screams, "Here's a week's pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!"

Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks, "Does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did here?"

With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, "He's the pizza delivery guy."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

     

  Issue #4427    

 

   

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Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings everyone!

Rev. James Snyder thinks the world needs more of his friend Tom. You can read "I Miss My Good Friend, Tom Foolery" at:
www.cybersalt.org/gods-penman/i-miss-my-good-friend-tom-foolery

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

     

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Today's CleanLaugh

Wedding Cake Verse

A couple was arranging for their wedding, and asked the bakery to inscribe the wedding cake with "1 John 4:18" which reads,

"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear."

The bakery evidently lost, smudged or otherwise misread the noted reference, and beautifully inscribed on the cake John 4:18 ...

"For you have had five husbands, and the man you have now is not your husband."

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Today's One Liner

One-liner #1356

I have this nagging fear that everyone is out to make me paranoid.

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Today's Clean Pun

Pulpit Grammar

A little primer for homiletics: I heard you say you speak good. I know you meant well.

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Today's Quote

Quote #1798

"If we don't teach our children to follow Christ, the world will teach them not to."

- Unknown

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Today's Illustration

Aging

Unfortunately, getting a new passport required a new photo. As I handed my ten-year-old passport and the new picture to the clerk, I sighed.

"I like the original better," I told her.

"Trust me," she said. "Ten years from now, you'll like this one."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

     

  Issue #4426    

 

   

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Cybersalt News

Oh look, a very rare Valentine's Chicken Thursday!

I realize Valentine's Day isn't always an easy day. Whether it is for you or not, give Psalm 91 a read today and try to spot the "chickenish" part that is a comfort to all!
www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm+91&version=NIV

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim

     

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Today's CleanLaugh

Tips on Love

Tips on Love ... From Those Who Should Know

(All questions were answered by kids, age 5-10)

What is the proper age to get married?

"Eighty-four, because at that age, you don't have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom."
(Judy, 8)

"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife."
(Tom, 5)

What do most people do on a first date?

"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date."
(Mike, 10)

When is it OK to kiss someone?

"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own DVD player, 'cause she'll want to have a video of the wedding."
(Jim, 10)

"Never kiss in front of other people.  It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you.  But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours."
(Kally, 9)

The great debate:  Is it better to be single or married?

"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them."
(Lynette, 9)

"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble."
(Kenny, 7)

Concerning why love happens between two particular people.

"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell.  That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular."
(Jan, 9)

"I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful." (Harlen, 8)

On what falling in love is like.

"Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life."
(Roger, 9)

"If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it.  It takes too long."
(Leo, 7)

On the role of good looks in love.

"If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your family, it doesn't hurt to be beautiful."
(Jeanne, 8)

"It isn't always just how you look. Look at me. I'm handsome like anything and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet." (Gary, 7)

"Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time."
(Christine, 9)

Concerning why lovers often hold hands.

"They want to make sure their rings don't fall off because they paid good money for them."
(Dave, 8)

Confidential Opinions About Love

"I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when 'The Simpsons' is on television."
(Anita, 6)

"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it.  I have been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me."
(Bobby, 8)

"I'm not rushing into being in love-I'm finding fourth grade hard enough."
(Regina, 10)

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Today's One Liner

One-liner #1355

I am becoming increasingly worried that there isn't enough anxiety in my life.

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Today's Clean Pun

Vaguelybond Heart

Valentine's Day: Have I told you lamely that I love you?

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Today's Quote

Quote #1797

"The Maker of the Stars would rather die for you than live without you. That is a fact."

- Max Lucado

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Today's Illustration

Speaking of Romance

"Do you love me with all your heart and soul?" asked Becky on Valentines Day.

"Mmm hmm," replied Dave.

"Do you think I'm the most beautiful girl in the world?"

"Mmm hmm."

"Do you think my lips are like rose petals?"

"Mmm hmm."

"Oh Dave," gushed Becky, "you say the most beautiful things!"

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.