Issue #4414    

 

   

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Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday!

Help yourself and support the Cybersalt Site at the same time! If you don't have a backup of your photos and/or data, pick up an external hard drive and copy your files to a device you can store offline, away from hacking and ransomware.
amzn.to/2rVYCD1

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim

     

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Today's CleanLaugh

Web Addiction Holiday Sing Along

(Sung to the tune of "Winter Wonderland")

Doorbell rings, I'm not list'nin',
From my mouth, drool is glist'nin',
I'm happy -- although
My boss let me go --
Happily addicted to the Web.

All night long, I sit clicking,
Unaware time is ticking,
There's beard on my cheek,
Same clothes for a week,
Happily addicted to the Web!

Friends come by; they shake me, Saying, "Yo, man!
Don't you know tonight's the senior prom?"
With a listless shrug, I mutter; "No, man;
I just discovered laugh-a-lot-dot-com!"

I don't phone, don't send faxes,
Don't go out, don't pay taxes,
Who cares if someday
They drag me away?
I'm happily addicted to the Web!

Happ-ilyyyyy, ad-dict-eeeed to the Weeeeeb!!! (Yeah!)

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Today's One Liner

One-liner #1342

"I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph."

- Shirley Temple Black

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Today's Clean Pun

Arbor Formula

Chemistree

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Today's Quote

Quote #1784

"If you want to know who God is, look at Jesus.
If you want to know what it means to be human, look at Jesus.
If you want to know what love is, look at Jesus.
If you want to know what grief is, look at Jesus.
And keep looking until you're no longer a spectator but part of His grand story."

- N. T. Wright

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Today's Illustration

Christmas 1914, War at Peace

Christmas 1914

The war in Europe was only four months old, yet it had already reached a savagery unknown until that time. After the initial success of the German army, the war became a desperate trench struggle with a very high casualty count. The promise of early success seemed like a faraway dream. The snow and the cold of 1914 made things even worse, but as the darkness fell on Christmas Eve something happened that would never occur again.

Sir Edward Hulse, a 25-year-old lieutenant, wrote in his diary about this strange occurrence.

"A scout named F. Marker went out and met a German Patrol and was given a glass of whiskey and some cigars, and a message was sent back, saying that if we didn't fire at them they would not fire at us." That night, where the fighting only five days earlier had been fierce, suddenly just stopped.

The following morning, Christmas day, German soldiers walked towards the British lines while the British came out to greet their enemy. They exchanged souvenirs with each other and the British gave the German soldiers plum pudding as a Christmas greeting. Soon arrangements were made to bury the dead British soldiers whose bodies were lying in no man's land. The Germans brought the bodies over and prayers were exchanged.

The spirit of Christmas overcame the horror of war as peace broke out across the front. The Germans, who previously were viewed as demonized beasts by the British and French, almost always initiated it. This contact was followed by song. The Germans sang 'Die Wacht Am Rhein' and the British soldiers sang 'Christians Wake.' It was in many ways a miracle. Sapper J. Davey, a British soldier, wrote this in his diary. "Most peculiar Christmas I've ever spent and ever likely to. One could hardly believe the happenings." Hate, for a moment, disappeared along the Western front.

Another British soldier, Second Lt. Dougan Chater wrote, "About 10 o'clock this morning I was peeping over the parapet when I saw a German, waving his arms, and presently two of them got out of their trenches and came towards ours. We were just going to fire on them when we saw that they had no rifles so one of our men went out to meet them and in about two minutes the ground between the two lines of trenches was swarming with men and officers of both sides, shaking hands and wishing each other a happy Christmas." This continued for nearly an hour before their superiors ordered the men back to their trenches.

The powers to be objected to this display of humanity by the common soldier. For a brief moment, their gesture ended a war that the leaders of both sides would continue to fight for nearly four more years. Millions more would die, indeed many of the men who greeted each other would perish, but their spirits live on in history as an example to all of us.

We have much more in common with each other than the differences that divide us.

Peace is better than war.

Understanding is more important than division.

Love can overcome hate.

Sources: The First World War, Martin Gilbert

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

     

  Issue #4413    

 

   

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Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings everyone!

As this is the last Cybersalt Digest to go out before Christmas Day, on behalf of Grandma Cybersalt and myself I wish you a blessed and peace filled Christmas!

I am mindful of the reality that this newsletter goes out to people in all stages of life and all seasons of life. Christmas, like other things that do not change from year to year, makes us keenly aware of those different stages and seasons. Often, but not always, sadness and sorrow are stirred as a result.

Such is the case for part of our hearts this season. We are missing a dear family friend who recently passed away a few weeks short of his 50th birthday. He was a father-in-law to our daughter and grandfather to one of our granddaughters. In the past we celebrated many joys with him, his wife and their 8 children. Now we share in the heartache of his absence.

When things that do not change stir up emotions because of what has changed, I find comfort in the hope and promise of Jesus whom the Bible describes as "the same yesterday, today, and forever." (Hebrews 13:8) At Christmastime that reality brings me back to ground zero of why Jesus was born in Bethlehem. As Roy Lessin put it:

"If our greatest need had been information,God would have sent us an educator.
If our greatest need had been technology,God would have sent us a scientist.
If our greatest need had been money,God would have sent us an economist.
If our greatest need had been pleasure,God would have sent us an entertainer.
But our greatest need was forgiveness,so God sent us a Saviour."

Regardless of stage or season, Christmas reminds us that in Jesus we can find satisfaction for our greatest need: forgiveness and a restored relationship with our Creator.

So again, from our hearts to yours, may the blessings and peace of Christ rest upon and within you.

~ Pastor Tim

 P.S.

Rev. James Snyder recently got some unexpected help with his to-do list and that helped him remember some important things about wisdom. You can read "Oh Wisdom, Wherefore Art Thou?" at:
www.cybersalt.org/gods-penman/oh-wisdom-wherefore-art-thou

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

     

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Today's CleanLaugh

Parents' Night Before Christmas

The REAL Night Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas
when all through the house
I searched for the tools
to hand to my spouse.

Instructions were studied
and we were inspired,
in hopes we could manage
"Some Assembly Required."

The children were quiet (not asleep) in their beds,
while Dad and I faced the evening with dread:
a kitchen, two bikes, Barbie's town-house to boot!
And now, thanks to Grandpa, a train with a toot!

We opened the boxes,
my heart skipped a beat -
let no parts be missing
or parts incomplete!

Too late for last-minute returns or replacement;
if we can't get it right, it goes straight to the basement!
When what to my worrying eyes should appear
but 50 sheets of directions, concise, but not clear,

With each part numbered and every slot named,
so if we failed, only we could be blamed.
More rapid than eagles the parts then fell out,
all over the carpet, they were scattered about.

"Now bolt it! Now twist it! Attach it right there!
Slide on the seats, and staple the stair!
Hammer the shelves, and nail to the stand."
"Honey," said hubby, "you just glued my hand."

And then in a twinkling, I knew for a fact
that all the toy dealers had indeed made a pact
to keep parents busy all Christmas Eve night
with "assembly required" till morning's first light.

We spoke not a word, but kept bent at our work,
till our eyes, they went blurry; our fingers all hurt.
The coffee went cold and the night, it wore thin
before we attached the last rod and last pin.

Then laying the tools away in the chest,
we fell into bed for a well-deserved rest.
But I said to my husband just before I passed out,
"This will be the best Christmas, without any doubt.

Tomorrow we'll cheer, let the holiday ring,
and not run to the store for one single thing!
We did it! We did it! The toys are all set
for the perfect, most magical, Christmas, I bet!"

Then off to dreamland and sweet repose
I gratefully went, though I suppose
there's something to say for those self-deluded ...
I'd forgotten that BATTERIES are never included!

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Today's One Liner

One-liner #1341

It's almost time to switch from my everyday anxiety to my fancy Christmas anxiety!

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Today's Clean Pun

Carol Pie

How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizza?

Deep pan, crisp and even.

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Today's Quote

Quote #1783

 

"Christians believe in the virgin birth of Jesus.
Materialists believe in the virgin birth of the cosmos.
Choose your miracle."

- Glen Scrivener

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Today's Illustration

I Heard the Bells

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow was filled with sorrow at the tragic death of his wife in a fire in 1861. The Civil War broke out that same year, and it seemed this was an additional punishment. Two years later, Longfellow was again saddened to hear his own son had been seriously wounded as a lieutenant in the Army of the Potomac.

Sitting down to his desk, one Christmas Day, he heard the church bells ringing, and ringing. It was in this setting he wrote:

I heard the bells on Christmas Day
Their old familiar carols play
And wild and sweet the words repeat
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

And in despair, I bowed my head
There is no peace on earth I said
For hate is strong and mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep,
God is not dead, nor doth he sleep.
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail
With peace on earth, good will to men.

At this Christmas time whether you are in sorrow or in joy you can know that God is not dead, nor doth He sleep. He knows your every need and longs to comfort you and be that special One you need. Seek Him this year instead of the outward manifestations of the season. He will give life real meaning and your heart real peace - the peace that passes all understanding.

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

     

  Issue #4412    

 

   

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Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday!

A windstorm and power outage prevented me from adding Rev. James Snyder's latest commentary to the Cybersalt site last Sunday. I'm happy to report it's on there now, though it may stir up a bit of different storm for some. It seems James has been offending people recently so if does that's just in keeping with how his December is going. You can read"My Little Dear, It’s Not Warm Outside!" at:
www.cybersalt.org/gods-penman/my-little-dear-it-s-not-warm-outside

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim

     

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Today's CleanLaugh

Wrapping Presents With A Cat

1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.

2. Go to wardrobe and collect bag in which present is contained, and close door.

3. Open door and remove cat from wardrobe.

4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.

5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.

6. Go to drawer and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc.

7. Lay out present and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.

8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit, and collect string.

9. Remove present from bag.

10. Remove cat from bag.

11. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.

12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.

13. Cut the paper to size, trying to keep the cutting line straight.

14. Throw away first sheet because cat tried to chase the scissors and tore paper.

15. Cut second sheet of paper to size by putting cat in the bag the present came out of.

16. Place present on cut-to-size paper.

17. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present, wonder why edges now don't reach, and find cat between present and paper. Remove cat and retry.

18. Place object on paper, to hold in place, while cutting transparent sticky tape.

19. Spend next 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape from cat with pair of nail scissors.

20. Seal paper down with transparent sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible.

21. Look for roll of ribbon; chase cat down hall and retrieve ribbon.

22. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.

23. Re-roll up ribbon and remove paper that is now torn, due to cat's enthusiasm in chasing ribbon end.

24. Repeat steps 12-22 until down to last sheet of paper.

25. Decide to skip steps 12-16 in order to save time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that you know is right size for sheet of paper.

26. Put present in box, and tie down with string.

27. Remove string, open box and remove cat.

28. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for lockable room.

29. Once inside room, lock door and start to re-lay out packing materials.

30. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close door and re-lock.

31. Lay out last sheet of paper. (Admittedly this is difficult in the small area of the toilet, but try your best!)

32. Seal box, wrap with paper and start repairs by very carefully sealing down tears with transparent sticky tape. Now tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst affected areas.

33. Label, then sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulating yourself on making good of a bad job.

34. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat.

35. Spend next 15 minutes looking for cat, before coming to obvious conclusion.

36. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.

37. Retrieve all discarded sheets of wrapping paper, feed cat and retire to lockable room for last attempt, making certain you are alone and the door is locked.

38. At time of handing over present, smile sweetly at receiver's face, as they try and hide their contempt at being handed such a badly wrapped present.

39. Vow to yourself that next year, you will get the store to wrap the thing for you.

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Today's One Liner

One-liners #1340

Precision is a fuzzy concept.

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Today's Clean Pun

Nog So Sure

Not sure if you like eggnog or not?

Eggnogstic!

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Today's Quote

Quote #1782

 

"What kind of plan ever goes this far?
What kind of mercy puts itself at ours?
What kind of maker walks the earth he made
From a cradle to a cross
And leaves an empty grave?
What kind of love?

- Carolyn Arends

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Today's Illustration

Christmas To-Do List

1. Buy Presents  Be Present

2. Wrap Gifts  Someone in a Hug

3. Send Gifts Peace

4. Shop for Food - Donate Food

5. Make Cookies  Love

6. See the lights Be the light

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

     

  Issue #4411    

 

   

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Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings everyone!

A strong windstorm at Cybersalt World Headquarters has knocked the power out for me and a few thousand of my closest neighbours. Grandma Cybersalt already had the material ligned up for this edition, but I have been thwarted from adding a new Rev. James Snyder article.

Thankfully, my cell phone, a data package, and some squinting in the dark (#leah) allows me to type out this news, merge the mailing, and send it out.That's all I can do, but more power to you!

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim

     

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Today's CleanLaugh

The Four Stages of Man

The 4 stages of man:

He believes in Santa Claus.

He doesn't believe in Santa Claus.

He is Santa Claus.

He looks like Santa Claus.

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Today's One Liner

One-liner #1339

The answer is maybe, and that's final!

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Today's Clean Pun

Christmas Rental

For lease Navidad!

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Today's Quote

Quote #1781

"In a daring and beautiful creative reversal, God takes the worst we can do to Him and turns it into the very best he can do for us."

- Malcolm Guite

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Today's Illustration

Meaning of Christmas

A few years ago, several churches in my town decided to celebrate the birth of Christ by putting on an interactive reenactment of Joseph and Mary's Journey to Bethlehem in one of our local parks.

With three of my children, then ages 7, 5, and 3, I joined a small group of modern day visitors who were escorted through the park by costumed locals playing first century Jews. I knew my oldest two children were familiar with the story of Jesus' birth, but I wasn't sure how much Christopher, my three-year-old, understood. He has PDD-NOS, a form of autism, and his language skills were significantly delayed.

We were in one family's tent when a Roman soldier told us that we must all go to our home cities to be counted. Michael, my 5-year-old, was very frightened, but Christopher, my three-year-old, grabbed my arm and said, 'It's okay, Mommy.'

We quickly left for Bethlehem with our Jewish hosts, and along the way, we met shepherds and angels who told us the Nativity story. We eventually arrived at the manger, marveling at Mary, Joseph, and the newborn Jesus surrounded by cows, sheep, and other barnyard animals. After a local pastor led us in some Christmas carols, we reflected on the scene before us with reverential awe. I was amazed that even Christopher seemed to grasp the meaning of the display.

Then, just before the pastor issued an altar call, my darling 3-year-old chose to sing a song of his own:

'Old Macdonald had a farm . . .'

- Kathy Bennett

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.