Cybersalt News
Oh look, Chicken Thursday!
We're thanking and praising God and grateful to all the Cybersaltines who made it possible to support all three of our BOCC families this month! The last month or so has been a very difficult time for them as they tried to remain as hidden as possible. Not having to risk getting illegal work is a huge blessing for them.
https://www.cybersalt.org/body-of-christ-connection/
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!
~ Pastor Tim
Today's CleanLaugh
If Airlines Sold Paint
Customer: Hi. How much is your paint?
Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things.
Customer: Can you give me a guess? Is there an average price?
Clerk: Our lowest price is $12 a gallon, and we have 60 different prices up to $200 a gallon.
Customer: What's the difference in the paint?
Clerk: Oh, there isn't any difference; it's all the same paint.
Customer: Well, then I'd like some of that $12 paint.
Clerk: When do you intend to use the paint?
Customer: I want to paint tomorrow. It's my day off.
Clerk: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is the $200 paint.
Customer: When would I have to paint to get the $12 paint?
Clerk: You would have to start very late at night in about 3 weeks. But you will have to agree to start painting before Friday of that week and continue painting until at least Sunday.
Customer: You've got to be kidding!
Clerk: I'll check and see if we have any paint available.
Customer: You have shelves FULL of paint! I can see it!
Clerk: But it doesn't mean that we have paint available. We sell only a certain number of gallons on any given weekend. Oh, and by the way, the price per gallon just went to $16. We don't have any more $12 paint.
Customer: The price went up as we were talking?
Clerk: Yes, sir. We change the prices and rules hundreds of times a day, and since you haven't actually walked out of the store with your paint yet, we just decided to change. I suggest you purchase your paint as soon as possible. How many gallons do you want?
Customer: Well, maybe five gallons. Make that six, so I'll have enough.
Clerk: Oh no, sir, you can't do that. If you buy paint and don't use it, there are penalties and possible confiscation of the paint you already have.
Customer: WHAT?
Clerk: We can sell enough paint to do your kitchen, bathroom, hall and north bedroom, but if you stop painting before you do the bedroom, you will lose your remaining gallons of paint.
Customer: What does it matter whether I use all the paint? I already paid you for it!
Clerk: We make plans based upon the idea that all our paint is used, every drop. If you don't, it causes us all sorts of problems.
Customer: This is crazy!! I suppose something terrible happens if I don't keep painting until after Saturday night!
Clerk: Oh yes! Every gallon you bought automatically becomes the $200 paint.
Customer: But what are all these, "Paint on sale from $10 a liter" signs?
Clerk: Well that's for our budget paint. It only comes in half-gallons. One $5 half-gallon will do half a room. The second half-gallon to complete the room is $20. None of the cans have labels, some are empty and there are no refunds, even on the empty cans.
Customer: Forget this! I'll buy what I need somewhere else!
Clerk: I don't think so, sir. You may be able to buy paint for your bathroom and bedrooms, and your kitchen and dining room from someone else, but you won't be able to paint your connecting hall and stairway from anyone but us. And I should point out, sir, that if you paint in only one direction, it will be $300 a gallon.
Customer: I thought your most expensive paint was $200!
Clerk: That's if you paint around the room to the point at which you started. A hallway is different.
Customer: And if I buy $200 paint for the hall, but only paint in one direction, you'll confiscate the remaining paint.
Clerk: No, we'll charge you an extra use fee plus the difference on your next gallon of paint. But I believe you're getting it now, sir.
Customer: You're insane!
Clerk: Thanks for painting with United.
Today's One Liner
One-liner #1326
The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's still on the list.
Today's Clean Pun
Silent Results
I've decided to join a mime troupe. No telling what will happen.
Today's Quote
Quote #1767
"Do not have your concert first, and then tune your instrument afterwards. Begin the day with the Word of God and prayer, and get first of all into harmony with Him."
- Hudson Taylor
Today's Illustration
Legacy
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit."
"And why not, darling?"
"You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
As the manager of our hospital's softball team, I was responsible for returning equipment to the proper owners at the end of the season.
PLOT TWIST: Maybe eating a doughnut wasn't cheating on my diet; maybe going on a diet was cheating on my doughnuts.
The cashiers around here are always checking me out!
It was a full auditorium. Halfway through the author's talk, she began to feel sick. In a calm voice, she announced that she had left a few pages of her speech offstage, in her bag.
One day a man went to an auction.
How to parallel park:
Crushing pop cans is soda pressing.
Ernest Shackleton's recruiting advertisement for his 1912 Imperial Trans-Antarctic Expedition:
Sunday greetings everyone!
1. Eventually, you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
I just invented a new dish. I've combined a laxative and alphabet soup.
I have worked for many years with the hearing impaired and on a visit to the library, I happened to notice a man and a woman, both deaf, signing with intense gestures, apparently in a heated debate.
Oh look, Chicken Thursday!
A first-time prisoner is placed in his cell with a cellmate. Before long it is time for "lights out" and the cell-block becomes dark nearly silent.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing!
My seven-year-old son, Nick, received a snap-together electronic kit for his birthday. He learned that if you put a resistor in line with the speaker, it lowers the volume from the speaker.