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Cybersalt News

Oh look, Turkey Thursday! Yes it's Thanksgiving Day in the USA so Cybersalt is giving you the bird so many of you will be eating today!

Accordingly, here are some links to content that will stuff you full with great Thanksgiving content: 

Thanksgiving Jokes and Humor:
www.cybersalt.org/tag/thanksgiving-jokes

Thanksgiving Inspiration
www.cybersalt.org/tag/thanksgiving-illustrations

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim

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Today's CleanLaugh

All Pro Turkey

The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field.

While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout.  Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line.

When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, "You're terrific!!!  Sign up for the season, and I'll see to it that you get a huge bonus."

"Forget the bonus," the turkey said, "All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?"

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Today's One Liner

One-liner #1332

I have something to say, but I don't know what.

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Today's Clean Pun

Chirping Off

I don't care how much you love turkey, we don't allow that kind of fowl language at the table.

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Today's Quote

Quote #1774

"Be brave. Do not pray for the hard thing to go away. But pray for a Bravery to come that's bigger than the hard thing."

- Ann Voskamp

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Today's Illustration

Real Thanksgiving

Thank You, GOD for everything
I've experienced here on earth.
Thank You for protecting me
from the moment of my birth.

And Thank You for the beauty
around me everywhere,
The gentle rain and glistening dew,
the sunshine and the air.

The joyous gift of "feeling"
the soul's soft, whispering voice
That speaks to me from deep within
and makes my heart rejoice.

Oh, GOD, no words are great enough
to thank You for just living,
And that is why every day
is a day for real THANKSGIVING.

- Helen Steiner Rice

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

  Issue #4403    

 

   

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Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings everyone!

You wouldn't think Rev. James Snyder's caring for a cat would cause trouble to hop into his wife's life, but it did!  You can read "Kitty On The Outside Or A Tree Frog On The Inside" at:
www.cybersalt.org/gods-penman/kitty-on-the-outside-or-a-tree-frog-on-the-inside

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim

     

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Today's CleanLaugh

The Perfect Man

The finalist has been named in the worldwide search for the perfect man.

After careful consideration and endless debate, The Perfect Man has been named:

MR. POTATO HEAD

- He’s tan.

- He’s cute.

- He knows the importance of accessorizing.

- And if he looks at another girl, you can rearrange his face.

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Today's One Liner

One-liner #1331

Whenever I look for something, it's always in the last place I look.

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Today's Clean Pun

Directional Problem

"My steering wheel won't turn," said Tom straight-forwardly.

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Today's Quote

Quote #1773

"Great marriages don't happen by luck or by accident. They are the result of a consistent investment of time, thoughtfulness, forgiveness, affection, prayer, mutual respect and a rock-solid commitment between a husband and wife."

- Dave Willis

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Today's Illustration

Before and After Thankfulness

When I was younger, I remember receiving the inevitable homework assignment to write an essay on "something I am thankful for." Then I'd spend a lot of time sitting in my room trying to figure out just what in the world that could possibly be; and I'd end up writing down everything I could think of from God to environmental consciousness. But after having children, my priorities have clearly changed:

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful to have been born the USA, the most powerful free democracy in the world.

AFTER CHILDREN: I am thankful for Velcro tennis shoes. As well as saving valuable time, now I can hear the sound of my son taking off his shoes -- which gives me three extra seconds to activate the safety locks on the back seat windows right before he hurls them out of the car and onto the freeway.

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for the recycling program which will preserve our natural resources and prevent the overloading of landfills.

AFTER CHILDREN: I am thankful for swim diapers because every time my son wanders into water in plain disposables, he ends up wearing a blimp the size of, say, New Jersey, on his bottom.

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for fresh, organic vegetables.

AFTER CHILDREN: I am thankful for microwaveable macaroni and cheese -- without which my children would be surviving on about three bites of cereal and their own spit.

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for the opportunity to obtain a college education and have a higher quality of life than my ancestors.

AFTER CHILDREN: I am thankful to finish a complete thought without being interrupted.

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for holistic medicine and natural herbs.

AFTER CHILDREN: I am thankful for pediatric cough syrup guaranteed to "cause drowsiness" in young children.

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for all of the teachers who had taught, encouraged and nurtured me throughout my formative years.

AFTER CHILDREN: I am thankful for all of the people at Weight Watcher who let me strip down to pantyhose and a strategically placed scarf before getting on the scale each week.

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for the opportunity to vacation in exotic foreign countries so I could experience a different way of life in a new culture.

AFTER CHILDREN: I am thankful to have time to make it all the way down the driveway to get the mail.

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for the Moosewood Vegetarian cookbook.

AFTER CHILDREN: I am thankful for the Butterball turkey hotline.

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for a warm, cozy home to share with my loved ones.

AFTER CHILDREN: I am thankful for the lock on the bathroom door.

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for material objects like custom furniture, a nice car, and trendy clothes.

AFTER CHILDREN: I am thankful when the baby spits up and misses my good shoes.

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

     

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Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday!

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim

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Today's CleanLaugh

Wilderness Guide

"We pass this way but once," we have heard it said. But my wife has learned that, unless I've studied a map, that isn't necessarily true.

So I understand the fix a local hunting guide got himself into.

His party became hopelessly lost in the mountains and they blamed him for leading them astray. "You told us you were the best guide in Colorado!" they asserted.

"I am," he said, "but I think we're in Wyoming now."

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Today's One Liner

One-liner #1330

What keeps me going is my inertia.

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Today's Clean Pun

Silent Results

We're rerunning this pun because of some delightful and terrible comments shared about it!

I've decided to join a mime troupe. No telling what will happen.

Note: Subscriber Casey shared this pun on a FaceBook forum called THE PUNITENTIARY. Thanks, Casey, for sending us a bunch of the comments that were made!

~No comment. Oops!

~Promises to be a quiet night.

~No!!! The actions of those groups are unspeakable.

~(subtle sounds of white gloves and berets..)

~I predict that you will be acting up rather than acting out.

~Let us know how it goes .. but then again .. we'll probably never hear from you again!! :/

~It's a mute point.

~Remember to think outside the box.

~I witnessed one of the greatest mime troupes ever! They performed musicals and concerts - you haven't lived until you see 50 mimes signing "The Sound of Silence" by S & G and "The Flesh Failures/Let the Sunshine In" from Hair - magnificent!

~There are simply no words.....

~gestures will suffice. you will have to work it out for your selves

~Say no more!

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Today's Quote

Quote #1772

"While it looks like things are out of control, behind the scenes there is a God who hasn't surrendered His authority."

- A. W. Tozer

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Today's Illustration

Grace for Grandpa

Our son had only heard his grandfather pray at Thanksgiving, Easter, and other special occasions; when he typically said a long prayer over the food.

One night, after a fun camp-out and fishing trip, grandfather (to our son's surprise) asked a very brief blessing on the food. With a gleam in his eye, our son grinned at his Grandfather and said,

"You don't pray so long when you're hungry, do you, Grandpa?"

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

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Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings everyone!

Exactly 100 years ago today, World War One ended.

God help our world in the mess it is still in.

~ Pastor Tim

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Today's CleanLaugh

Board Meeting

After a long, dry sermon, the minister announced that he wished to meet with the church board following the close of the service.

The first man to arrive and greet the minister was a total stranger.

"You misunderstood my announcement. This is a meeting of the board members," explained the minister.

"I know," said the man, "but if there is anyone here more bored than I am, then I'd like to meet him."

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Today's One Liner

One-liner #1327

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

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Today's Clean Pun

Don't Park Here

Sign seen beside a quiet pond:

Frog Parking Only - all others will be toad!

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Today's Quote

Quote #1768

"Holding a grudge doesn't make you strong; it makes you bitter. Forgiving doesn't make you weak; it sets you free."

- Dave Willis

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Today's Illustration

God Will Never

The will of God will never take you,
Where the grace of God cannot keep you,
Where the arms of God cannot support you,
Where the riches of God cannot supply your needs,
Where the power of God cannot endow you.

The will of God will never take you,
Where the spirit of God cannot work through you,
Where the wisdom of God cannot teach you,
Where the army of God cannot protect you,
Where the hands of God cannot mold you.

The will of God will never take you,
Where the love of God cannot enfold you,
Where the mercies of God cannot sustain you,
Where the peace of God cannot calm your fears,
Where the authority of God cannot overrule for you.

The will of God will never take you,
Where the comfort of God cannot dry your tears,
Where the Word of God cannot feed you,
Where the miracles of God cannot be done for you,
Where the omnipresence of God cannot find you.

--Author Unknown

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.