Issue #4375
Cybersalt News
Sunday greetings everyone!
Thanks to all the new "billionaires" who donated to the "Be a Billionaire" fund raiser. You learn more and still donate to help persecuted Christians and receive worthless, now novelty Zimbabwean billion dollar bills in return at:
www.cybersalt.org/inspiration/be-a-billionaire-fund-raiser
Rev. James Snyder likes rain enough, but only when there is enough rain. You can read "Now I Know How Noah Must Have Felt":
www.cybersalt.org/gods-penman/now-i-know-how-noah-must-have-felt
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!
~ Pastor Tim
Today's CleanLaugh
Fly Catch
My wife had never been to a baseball game, so I took her to see the Los Angeles Dodgers one night.
Our seats were right behind the third-base line. At the top of the first inning, the batter hit a foul ball.
Miraculously, I managed to catch it on the fly.
As I sat down, breathless with excitement, my wife turned to me and said, "That was nice. How many of those do you get a game?"
Today's One Liner
One-liner #1304
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
Today's Clean Pun
Complaint Box
On my tombstone, please write:
"Not appreciating my puns was a grave mistake."
Today's Quote
Quote #1745
"Religion says: God will love us if we change.
The Gospel says: God's love changes us."
- Unknown
Today's Illustration
Moms, Child rights, Parent Rights
My son came home from school one day,
with a smirk upon his face.
He'd decided he was smart enough,
to put me in my place.
"Guess what I learned in Civics Two,
that's taught by Mr. Wright?
It's all about the laws today,
The 'Children's Bill of Rights.'
"It says I need not clean my room,
don't have to cut my hair.
No one can tell me what to think,
or speak, or what to wear.
"I have freedom from religion,
and regardless what you say,
I don't have to bow my head,
and I sure don't have to pray.
"I can wear earrings if I want,
and pierce my tongue & nose.
I can read & watch just what I like,
and get tattoos from head to toes.
"And if you ever spank me,
I'll charge you with the crime.
I'll back up all my charges,
with the marks on my behind.
"Don't you ever touch me,
my body's only for my use,
not for your hugs and kisses,
that's just more child abuse.
"Don't preach about your morals,
like your mama did to you.
That's nothing more than mind control,
And it's illegal too!
"Mom, I have these children's rights,
so you can't influence me,
or I'll call Children's Services Division,
better known as C.S.D."
Of course my first instinct was
to toss him out the door.
But the chance to teach a lesson
made me think a little more.
I mulled it over carefully,
I couldn't let this go.
A smile crept upon my face,
he's messing with a pro.
The next day I took him shopping
to the local Good Will store.
I told him, "Pick out all you want,
there's shirts & pants galore.
I've called and checked with C.S.D.,
who said they didn't care
if I bought you K-Mart shoes
instead of those Nike Airs.
And I've canceled that appointment
to take your driver's test.
The C.S.D. is unconcerned
so I'll decide what's best."
I said "No time to stop and eat,
or pick up stuff to munch.
And tomorrow you can start to learn
to make your own sack lunch.
"Just save that raging appetite,
and wait 'til dinner time.
We're having liver and onions,
a favorite dish of mine."
He asked, "Can I please rent a movie,
To watch on my VCR?"
"Sorry, but I sold your TV,
for new tires on my car.
"I also rented out your room,
you'll take the couch instead.
The C.S.D. requires
just a roof above your head.
"Your clothing won't be trendy now,
and I'll choose what we eat.
That allowance that you used to get,
will buy me something neat.
"I'm selling off your jet ski,
dirt-bike & roller blades.
Check out the 'Parent's Bill of Rights',
It's in effect today!
"Hey hot shot, are you crying,
and why are you on your knees?
Are you asking God to help you out,
instead of C.S.D.?"
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
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Caller: I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff, please.
99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
The inventor of throat lozenges has died.
As the three ladies picked up a menu, each put on a pair of glasses.
1st customer: I'll have tea.
I told my parents they're famous now. I asked my dad who should play him in the movie and his answer did not disappoint: 
Adam & Eve: the first people to not read the Apple terms and conditions.
A friend of mine was having a bit of marital-tension in his household and was trying to figure out just what to do about it.
A newscaster interrupted scheduled programming to announce the outcome of a political election.
My wife just stopped and said, "You weren't even listening were you?"
I swallowed a dictionary. It gave me thesaurus throat I've ever had.
At the company water cooler, I bragged about my children's world travels: one son was teaching in Bolivia, another was working in southern Italy, and my daughter was completing a year-long research project in India.
The Wednesday-night church service coincided with the last day of hunting season.
Be nice to your hairstylist because what's stopping them from plucking one of your hairs and putting it at a crime scene? Nothing.
Baby Vaccination Jokes: pretty innocuous.
Unfortunately, getting a new passport required a new photo. As I handed my ten-year-old passport and the new picture to the clerk, I sighed. "I like the original better," I told her.