Issue #4385
Cybersalt News
Suddenly September, Sunday greetings!
Rev. James Snyder and his wife disagree about vegetables, but they are staying together just the same. "How to Live with a Veggie-Holic" at:
www.cybersalt.org/gods-penman/how-to-live-with-a-veggie-holic
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!
~ Pastor Tim
Today's CleanLaugh
Yale Educated
(Wondering what a goober is? You can see one here.)
The bank manager noticed the new clerk was a goober at counting money and adding up figures.
"Where did you get your financial education?" he asked.
"Yale," replied the lad.
"And what's your name?" barked the manager.
"Yim Yohnston," he replied.
Today's One Liner
One-liner #1314
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous!
Today's Clean Pun
Self Medic
Near the end of my operation, I suddenly woke up and demanded the right to close my incision.
Reluctantly, the surgeon handed me the needle and said,
"Suture self."
Today's Quote
Quote #1755
"Texting is a brilliant way to miscommunicate how you feel, and misinterpret what other people mean."
- Unknown
Today's Illustration
Procrastinator's Creed
You may wish to delay reading this until you have more free time.
1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.
2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.
3. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.
4. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them.
5. I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.
6. I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given.
7. If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year.
8. I shall always decide not to decide unless of course, I decide to change my mind.
9. I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it.
10. I will never put off until tomorrow, what I can forget about forever.
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
What doctors say, and what they're really thinking:
He doesn't have much of a reputation, or so I've heard.
The meaning of opaque is unclear.
A few years ago we were desperately trying to sell our house, which was situated on a busy thoroughfare. Our real estate agent decided to have an open-house nearly every day to promote the sale. We instructed the children not to talk to anyone about the house.
An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a sarcophagus containing a mummy.
Cooperation can only be reached if we work together.
I had a dream last night that I knighted an electric fish...
A member of a certain church, who previously had been attending services regularly, suddenly stopped coming to church. After a few weeks, the Pastor went to visit. The Pastor found the man at home alone, sitting before a blazing fire.
A young man was a very slow worker and subsequently found it difficult to hold down a job.
Quantum mechanics: the dreams stuff is made of.
"I'll have to telegraph him again," Tom said remorsefully.
A tourist on his way to Tuscaloosa came to a fork in the road and stopped. There was no sign indicating which route went where.
Early one evening a gentleman scuttled out to his garage and pulled the lawn furniture out onto the driveway. Shortly after followed the lawnmower, a few gardening tools and a bicycle.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
"I must make the fire hotter!" Tom bellowed.
Little Johnny had been misbehaving and was sent to his room. After a while, he emerged and informed his mother that he had thought it over and then said a prayer.