Cybersalt Digest Archive
Cybersalt News
Oh look, Chicken Thursday!
Did you know that if you get together enough men they will eventually cancel out each other's collective wisdom? Today's entry in the FunBlog is a great example. You will find "You bet a hip!" at:
www.cybersalt.org/funblog/you-bet-a-hip
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!
~ Pastor Tim
Today's CleanLaugh
Football Newbie
A guy took his girlfriend to a football game for the first time.
After the game he asked his girlfriend how she liked the game.
Oh, I really liked it," she said, "but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents."
"What on earth do you mean???"
"Well I saw them flip a coin and one team got it and then for the rest of the game all they kept screaming was, "Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!"
Today's One-liner
One-liner #1160
Always keep a book with you at all times in case of an emergency; you know, like social gatherings.
Today's Clean Pun
Taking Advice
When my friends told me to stop impersonating a flamingo I had to put my foot down.
Today's Quote
Quote #1608
"Givers have to set limits because takers rarely do."
- Irma Kurtz
Today's Illustration
Legalism 3
A Rabbi was walking home from the Temple and saw one of his good friends, a pious and learned man who could usually beat the rabbi in religious arguments.
The rabbi started walking faster so that he could catch up to his friend, when he was horrified to see his friend go into a non kosher Chinese restaurant. Standing at the door, he observed his friend talking to a waiter and gesturing at a menu. A short time later, the waiter reappeared carrying a platter full of spare ribs, shrimp in lobster sauce, crab rangoon and other treif that the Rabbi could not bear to think about.
As his friend picked up the chopsticks and began to eat this food, the Rabbi burst into the restaurant and reproached his friend, for he could take it no longer.
"Morris, what is this you are doing? I saw you come into this restaurant, order this filth and now you are eating it in violation of everything we are taught about the dietary laws and with an apparent enjoyment that does not befit your pious reputation!"
Morris replied, "Rabbi, did you see me enter this restaurant?"
The Rabbi nods yes.
"Did you see me order this meal?"
Again he nods yes.
"Did you see the waiter bring me this food?"
Again he nods yes.
"And did you see me eat it?"
The Rabbi nods yes.
"Then, Rabbi, I don't see the problem here. The entire meal was done under Rabbinical supervision."
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.
Cybersalt News
Sunday greetings everyone.
This week Rev. James Snyder has been wondering if the Russians have hacked his thermometer. He has also been thinking about how appearances can be deceiving. You can read "Did Someone Just Hack My Thermometer?" at:
www.cybersalt.org/gods-penman/did-someone-just-hack-my-thermometer
There is also a new devotional by my good friend Dr. Harold McNabb. Technically it`s not new, but he just told me about it over coffee this past Friday so it`s new to me. You can read `The Piano`at:
www.cybersalt.org/dr-harold-mcnabb/the-piano
Also, the Westside Bible Church site has been updated with an audio recording of my most recent message.
You can listen to "Deliver Us From Evil - The Lord's Prayer" at:
www.westsidefamily.org/messages/deliver-us-from-evil-the-lord-s-prayer
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!
~ Pastor Tim
Today's CleanLaugh
Diet Skipping
Mr. Lee was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."
When Mr. Lee returned, he shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"
Mr. Lee nodded. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day."
"From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.
Replied Mr. Lee, "No, from skipping."
Today's One-liner
One-liner #1159
As I watched the dog chasing his tail, I thought, "Dogs are easily amused;" then I realized I was watching the dog chase his tail.
Today's Clean Pun
Praise Pick
Between Pentecostal and Baptist worship styles, I prefer Baptist, hands down.
Today's Quote
Quote #1607
"Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will."
- Suzy Kassem
Today's Illustration
The Deeds Undone
It isn't the thing you do, friend, it's the thing you leave undone,
Which gives you the bitter heartache, at the setting of the sun:
The tender words unspoken, to letter you did not write,
The flowers you might have sent, are your haunting ghosts at night.
The stone you might have lifted, out of a dear friend's way,
The bit of heartsome counsel you were hurried too much to say:
The loving touch of a helping hand, the gentle and winsome tone,
That you had no time or thought for, with troubles enough of your own.
These little acts of kindness, so easily out of mind,
These chances to be angels, which even mortals find.
They come in night and silence, each chill reproachful wraith,
When hope is faint and flagging, and a blight has dropped on faith.
For life is all too short, friend, and sorrow is all to great,
To suffer our slow compassion, that tarries until too late.
So, it's not the things you do, it's the deeds you leave undone,
Which gives you a bitter heartache, at the setting of the sun.
- Bertha A. Lawson
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.
Cybersalt News
Oh look, Chicken Thursday!
Sometimes the way a child behaves gives clues to what they will do later in life. For an example, take today's funny picture on the Cybersalt site "Tank Kid" at:
www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/kid-tank
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!
~ Pastor Tim
Today's CleanLaugh
Battery Life
An angry motorist went back to a garage where he had purchased an expensive battery for his car just six months earlier.
"Listen", the motorist grumbled to the owner of the garage, "when I bought this battery you said it would be the last battery my car would ever need. It died after only six months!"
"Sorry," apologized the garage owner.
"I didn't think your car would last longer than that."
Today's One-liner
One-liner #1158
A giraffe's coffee would be cold by the time it reached the bottom of its throat. Ever think about that? No. You only think about yourself!
Today's Clean Pun
Mary J. Bovine
Why did the cows return to the marijuana field?
It was the pot calling the cattle back.
Today's Quote
Quote #1606
"To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you."
- C.S. Lewis
Today's Illustration
Moments
If God brings you to it,
He will bring you through it.
Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Quiet moments, worship God.
Painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God.
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.