In Today's Issue
Cybersalt News
Last month I scored 24 out of 31 in my resolve to send out the Cybersalt Digest every day. I'm pretty happy with that because 77 percent is way higher than I usually got when I was in school: but please don't tell my church that because they still hope I am going to get smarter.
There is a new funny cat picture on the Cybersalt Site today. You will find "Cat Habits" at:
www.cybersalt.org/funny-cat-pictures/cat-habits
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.
Today's CleanLaugh
How To Lose Your First Case
A young lawyer, just out of Law School, was pleading his first case in South Carolina.
A train had killed twenty-four pigs, and the young attorney was trying to impress the jury with the magnitude of the injury.
"Yes, Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, twenty-four pigs. Imagine, twenty-four pigs. Twice the number there are in the jury box."
Today's One-liner
One-liner #0979
When you interview for a position as a ninja, don't show up: you'll be a shoe-in for the job.
Today's Clean Pun
Bored
"If you are bored, put on a cape, then you can be Super Bored!"
Today's Quote
Quote #1427
"There seems to be a need in human beings to see evil and combat it outside oneself, in order not to see it inside oneself. But the struggle is inside of each person and inside each community; it is against all the powers of pride, elitism, hate and depression that are there and which hurt and crush others, and which cause division and war of all sorts. The enemy is inside, not outside.”
- Jean Vanier
Today's Illustration
Relativism
An older woman recently returned from her home town in North Carolina and told a friend they'd spruced up the churchyard cemetery since her last visit several years past. "Lots of new greenery," she said. "And families are together now."
"All together?" her friend asked, puzzled.
"Well," the first replied, "years ago they never much worried where they buried someone because everyone was a neighbor anyhow. They'd just dig a grave wherever it seemed to balance things. But they've redone it so people are with their children and grandchildren, instead of scattered."
The friend was still puzzled. "You mean they exhumed all those people and reburied them?"
"Oh my, no," was the reply. "We just shifted the headstones. Everyone agrees it looks ever so much nicer."
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.
I overheard two children discussing their selection in the video area of a store.
"If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side."
My brother's a cop: Thought I'd buy him a pullover sweater for Christmas.
"We can’t expect the nation to operate by Christian principles… but we can expect this of the church."
I've long maintained that the distinction between "professionals" and "amateurs" is often very slight, often amounting to little more than that the former are paid and the latter are not. This is in no small measure because professional arrogance has been known to become intolerable if left unchecked.
Here is an explanation of the school homework policy:
Once you lick the frosting off a cupcake it becomes a muffin and muffins are healthy; You’re welcome.
If you see me wearing an ephod, I'm just doing it to be Aaronic.
"It’s easy to love and serve a sexy church. But to love and serve a struggling one, that’s another level of Christ-likeness."
I've got 3 TVs, cable and a satellite dish. I have 3 phone lines in the house, a cell phone and one in the car.
Jack Benny and George Burns became friends when both were young performers working their way up through the vaudeville circuit, and they remained friends until Benny died. One day, they were lunching at a Hollywood restaurant, and Benny was wrestling with the problem of whether or not to butter his bread.
A yawn is just a silent scream for coffee.
The yogurt aisle is so confusing now: It's all Greek to me.
Don't let success go to your head: Don't let failure go to your heart.
Approaching eighty-five years of age, Mrs. Lipkowitz finally decided it was time to give up her apartment in New York and move to Miami. She was given the name of a Florida realtor, who enthusiastically drove her all over Miami, extolling the virtues of every apartment they looked at.
A new hair salon opened up for business right across the street from the old established hair cutters' place.