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Cybersalt Digest Archive

The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #4016 - January 24, 2015

  The Cybersalt Digest

 

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 In Today's Issue

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Cybersalt News

There is a new Funny Sign Picture on the Cybersalt site today.  You'll find "Time to Change Bakeries" at:
www.cybersalt.org/a4h6

I have also added new pages to some other sites that I have a role in. Here are links to those as well - I think you'll enjoy them:

NFL 2015 Bad Lip Reading:
www.independentsportsnews.com/kddf9

Police Helicopter Tracks Down Laser Pen Guy:
wristbunkle.com/3q3 

Erupción Volcánica
www.contentdrivestraffic.com/h6

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

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Today's CleanLaugh

20 Like You

factoryA factory owner said to a store owner, "Thank you, Mr. Smith, for your patronage. I wish I had twenty customers like you."

"Wow, it's nice to hear that, but I'm kind of surprised," admitted Smith. "You know that I argue every bill and always pay late."

The factory owner said, "I'd still like twenty customers like you. The problem is, I have two hundred."


Today's One-liner

One-liner #0975

weight scaleThe only way I'm going to drop ten pounds is if I go shopping in England.



Today's Clean Pun

Class Drop

Karl MarxI dropped out of communism class: lousy Marx.


Today's Quote

Quote #1423

Tozer"Secularism, materialism, and the intrusive presence of things have put out the light in our souls and turned us into a generation of zombies."
- A.W. Tozer



Today's Illustration

God's Power

storm cloudsA boy was helping his mother bring the clothes in off the line as a storm threatened.

As they brought in the last armload and closed the door, the boy waved his hand at the heavens and said, "Okay God! Let'er go!"

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.


The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

 

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The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #4014 - January 22, 2015

  The Cybersalt Digest

 

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 In Today's Issue

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Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday! There is even a new chicken themed funny car picture on the Cybersalt site today.  You will find "Coop Car" at:
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-car-pictures/coop-car

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

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Today's CleanLaugh

Things You Would Never Know Without the Movies

movie seats*Things You Would Never Know Without the Movies*

- It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.

- A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

- If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

- Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.

- It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

- When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

- No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.

- Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

- When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other. If they're villains, they will probably speak with an English accent.

- You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

- Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

- An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.

- Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.


Today's One-liner

One-liner #0973

weight scale 2I'm allergic to food – I break out in fat.



Today's Clean Pun

Cookie Cutter House

gingerbread family"I just don't want to live in a cookie cutter house."
- Gingerbread family


Today's Quote

Quote #1421

grass2"The grass isn't greener on the other side. It's greener where you water it."
- @freesermons



Today's Illustration

Inheritances

money stackJack has died. His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out Jack's Last Will and Testament.

"To my dear wife Esther, I leave the house, 50 acres of land, and 1 million dollars."

"To my son Barry, I leave my Big Lexus and the Jaguar."

"To my daughter Suzy, I leave my yacht and $250,000."

"And to my brother-in-law Jeff, who always insisted that health is better than wealth, I leave my sun lamp."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.


The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

 

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The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #4015 - January 22, 2015

  The Cybersalt Digest

 

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 In Today's Issue

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Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday! There is even a new chicken themed funny car picture on the Cybersalt site today.  You will find "Coop Car" at:
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-car-pictures/coop-car

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

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Today's CleanLaugh

Johnny's F

school houseLittle Johnny stared at his test paper.

The big read "F" stared back at him.

Freddie looked at his glum friend and asked, "Why did you get such a low grade on that test?"

"Because of an absence," Johnny answered.

"You mean you were absent on the day of the test?" he questioned.

Little Johnny replied, "No, but the kid who sits next to me was."


Today's One-liner

One-liner #0974

ceiling fanIf ceiling fans could hold your weight, you'd never be bored again.



Today's Clean Pun

Flower Order

daisiesBy the time the wedding planner finally bothered to order the flowers there were none left.  

The service ended up being quite lackadaisical.


Today's Quote

Quote #1422

road copy"For every mile of road there's two miles of ditch."



Today's Illustration

Motivation

cowboy tackThe cowboy walked into the tack shop. "How much for a pair of spurs?" he asked the sales clerk.

"Forty dollars."

The cowboy looked in his wallet, thought for a moment, then pulled out a twenty. "I'll take one spur."

"What'll you do with just one?" the clerk asked.

The cowboy replied, "I figger if I can get one side of the horse movin', the other side'll go too."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.


The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

 

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The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #4013 - January 21, 2015

  The Cybersalt Digest

 

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 In Today's Issue

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Cybersalt News

There is a new funny picture on the Cybersalt Site today.  You'll find "Peppercide" at:
www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/peppercide

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

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Today's CleanLaugh

Recruiting Crisis

F 15 fighter jetThe chief of staff of the Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in a recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. So he directed that a nearby Air Force base be opened and that all eligible young men and women be invited. As he and his staff were standing near a brand new F-15 Fighter, a pair of twin brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a Marine Corps recruiting poster walked up to them.

The chief of staff walked up to them, stuck out his hand and introduced himself. He looked at the first young man and asked, "Son, what skills can you bring to the Air Force?"

The young man looks at him and says, "I'm a pilot!"

The general turns to his aide and says, "Sign him up -- all the paper work done, everything, do it today!" The aide hustles the young man off.

The general looks at the second young man and asked, "What skills can you bring to the Air Force?"

The young man says, "I chop wood!"

"Son," the general replies, "we don't need woodchoppers in the Air Force. What else do you know how to do?"

"I chop wood!"

[gbwl]"Young man," huffs the general, "you are not listening to me. We don't need woodchoppers; this is the 21st century!"

"Well," the young man says, "you hired my brother!"

"Of course we did," says the general, "But he's a pilot!"

The young man rolls his eyes and says, "I HAVE to chop it before he can pile it!"


Today's One-liner

One-liner #0972

walletI wish my wallet came with free refills.



Today's Clean Pun

Rhythm Reunion

drummerAfter the rhythm section got back together there were repercussions.


Today's Quote

Quote #1420

jim elliot"When it comes time to die, make sure all you have to do is die."
- Jim Elliot



Today's Illustration

Courtesy

shopping cartIt was a Saturday afternoon, and Ray had rushed down to the local supermarket to hurriedly pick up some hamburger rolls, chips and a few condiments. The big game was going to be on, so he was having a few friends over to watch it.

The store was loaded with shoppers and as he headed for the six item express lane, the only one that didn't have a long line, a woman completely ignoring the overhead sign slipped into the check-out line just in front of him pushing a cart piled high with groceries.

Ray was quietly fuming at the anticipated delay. But the elderly cashier beckoned the woman to come forward, looked into the cart and asked ever so sweetly, "So Dearie, which six items would you like to buy?"

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.


The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

 

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The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #4012 - January 20, 2015

  The Cybersalt Digest

 

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 In Today's Issue

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Cybersalt News

There is a new inspirational and mind boggling video on the Cybersalt site today.  You will find "The Heavens Declare" at:
www.cybersalt.org/videos/the-heavens-declare

After watching that video, enjoy the rest of today's puny, insignificant mailing.

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Today's CleanLaugh

Car Alarms

car theftI was with a friend in a cafe' when a noisy car alarm interrupted our conversation.

"What good are car alarms when no one pays any attention to them?" I wondered aloud.

"Some are quite effective," my friend corrected me.

"Last summer, my teenager spent a lot of time at the neighbors'.

Whenever I wanted him home, I'd go out to the driveway and jostle his car."


Today's One-liner

One-liner #0971

credit cardsAt the store today, when the cashier said, "Strip down facing me" apparently she was referring to my credit card!



Today's Clean Pun

Transmission Guy

gear shifterThat guy from the transmission shop looks kinda shifty.


Today's Quote

Quote #1419

c s lewis"We all want progress, but if you're on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; in that case, the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive."
- C.S. Lewis



Today's Illustration

The Good Old Days

running feetIt was the finish line of the Boston marathon. A first time runner is hobbling away, having just finished.

A grizzled old marathoner looks at him and says "You'll feel a lot worse tomorrow." He pauses and then says, "But the really bad news is that in about 3 days, you're going to think you had fun today."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.


The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

 

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  1. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #4011 - January 19, 2015
  2. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #4010 - January 18, 2015
  3. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #4009 - January 16, 2015
  4. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #4008 - January 15, 2015

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