In Today's Issue

Cybersalt News

Hey look, it's me!  Yes, after a super busy summer I'm trying to get into the swing of sending out mailings again.  I have so many things to catch up on.

First of all, when I do make new pages on the Cybersalt Site (or find great links to share) I put them out on social media.  If you care to do so, you can follow Cybersalt on these channels:

Twitter - @cybersalt
Facebook - www.facebook.com/cybersaltsite
Google+ - Cybersalt on Google Plus

Secondly, while Grandma Cybersalt and I were walking around Victoria BC's inner harbour on our 28th anniversary, I found a guy making really cool wooden pendants out of old postage stamps.  I was so impressed with them I told him I was going to tell you about them.  Head on over to check them out at:
www.etsy.com/ca/shop/woodbeedesign

Speaking of Grandma Cybersalt, she and I have a second grandchild - our first granddaughter! Eleanor Susanna was born to our son and daughter-in-law, Clayton and Rebecca, on June 23rd.  Neither of us is desperate to actually look as old as all this makes us sound.

Also speaking of Grandma Cybersalt - she did the ALS Icebucket Challenge the other day.  You may get a kick out of hearing her screaming in this video:
youtu.be/GNXU_cdEe6M

Finally, even though school is not back in my province of British Columbia (due to an ongoing bitter and protracted labour dispute) it is back in most places - and not too soon as you can see in this funny picture on the Cybersalt site:
www.cybersalt.org/993

That's all the news for now. Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

Beginning School

Tommy had reached school age. His mother managed with a blast of propaganda to make him enthusiastic about the idea. She bought him lots of new clothes, told him of the new friends he'd meet and so on.

Came the first day, he eagerly went off and came back home with a lot of glowing reports about school.

Next morning when she woke him up, he asked "What for?" She told him it was time to get ready for school.

"What? Again?" he asked.

One-liner #0957

If you have to tell me what the rules are, at least use proper grammar....Thems the rules.

Ego

There is no "i" in "ego."

Quote #1405

"If they are wrong they need your prayers all the more; and if they are your enemies, then you are under orders to pray for them."
- C. S. Lewis

Prayer In School

Being interviewed by the school administration, the eager teaching prospect said: "Let me see if I've got this right.

You want me to go into that room with all those kids, and fill their every waking moment with a love for learning. And I'm supposed to instil a sense of pride in their ethnicity, modify their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse and even censor their T-shirt messages and dress habits.

You want me to wage a war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, check their backpacks for weapons of mass destruction, and raise their self-esteem.

[gbwl]You want me to teach them patriotism, good citizenship, sportsmanship, fair play, how to register to vote, how to balance a checkbook, and how to apply for a job.

I am to check their heads for lice, maintain a safe environment, recognize signs of anti-social behavior, make sure all students pass the mandatory state exams, even those who don't come to school regularly or complete any of their assignments.

Plus, I am to make sure that all of the students with handicaps get an equal education regardless of the extent of their mental or physical handicap. And I am to communicate regularly with the parents by letter, telephone, newsletter and report card.

All of this I am to do with just a piece of chalk, a computer, a few books, a bulletin board, a big smile AND on a starting salary that qualifies my family for food stamps!

You want me to do all of this and yet, you expect me..... NOT TO PRAY?"

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

 In Today's Issue

Cybersalt News

A couple of you mentioned that you found it hard to read the Cybersalt News section of mailings when it's presented in white text on orange background. As you can see, I have changed the formatting to make it more legible.

A couple of weeks ago, Mrs. Cybersalt and I saw the movie "Million Dollar Arm."  We really enjoyed that true story of the search for untapped baseball pitching talent in India.

Yesterday, a well know rapper threw out the first pitch at a New York Mets game.  If I were going to give a title to the video of that pitch I would call it "50 Cent Arm."  You'll see what I mean if you go to:
www.independentsportsnews.com/uywa

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

Does It Hurt?

When I was a mother's helper, the mom of the family I worked for sat with her three oldest children and watched a PBS special showing the birth of a baby. The mom thought it would be a good starting point for answering questions about the facts of life.

As her five-year-old studied the baby coming out of the birth canal, he asked, "Mom, does that hurt?"

"Oh, yes, it does," she said, remembering her difficult deliveries.

"Wow," he continued in awe, "does it hurt the mother too?"

One-liner #0956

Look Bruce, just because you call it the "Batcave" doesn't change the fact that you still live in your parents basement.

Lumberjack Travels

"Be a lumberjack: Saw the world."

Quote #1404

“Thin religion is religiosity reduced to a single symbolic gesture. And once you reduce religion to that . . . you can project everything that you want onto that . . . thin religion isn't textured. It doesn't have depth. It doesn't have relief. It doesn't rely on a long history of that religion with all the varieties of reflections that have gone on in the religion.”
- Miroslav Volf

Discipleship

As a new Ensign, I was assigned duty at the Naval Observatory in Washington, DC, and carpooled to work with a veteran Marine sergeant. One afternoon, I showed him a pair of brown shoes I had purchased to go with my khaki uniform. He examined the leather carefully. "Let me take these home," he said, "and I'll show you a real Marine Corps shine."

The next day I wore my old shoes, expecting to switch them with the ones the sergeant was polishing. From a grocery bag, Sarge pulled out the right shoe, shining like glass. "This is the way a Marine shines a shoe," he said. "Now all you have to do is polish the left one to look like it."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

 In Today's Issue

Cybersalt News

I'm super excited to announce the beginning of some re-design on the Cybersalt Site! Over the next while you will notice that different areas have a much more user friendly way to be exposed to other and related content on the Cybersalt site.

For instance, if you go to view the latest funny cat picture "Presbyterian Wishes" (www.cybersalt.org/3r44) you will notice a column with other images randomly gathered from the Funny Cat Pictures and other Funny picture galleries. I think it makes the page look better and it's already making it easer for visitors to experience more of the over 13,000 pages on the site.

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

How To Speak English Properly

*How to speak English Properly*

1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
14. One should NEVER generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
17. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
18. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
19. The passive voice is to be ignored.
20. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
21. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
22. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
23. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas.
24. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
25. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
26. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
27. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
28. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
29. Who needs rhetorical questions?
30. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
    And the last one...
31. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

One-liner #0955

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus so I could slap 8 people at a time.

Burnt Out Starter

Finding a burnt out starter motor is a moment of wreck ignition.

Quote #1403

"What messes our life up most is the expectation of what our life is supposed to look like."
- Ann Voskamp

Decisions

A group of junior-level executives were participating in a management training program. The seminar leader pounded home his point about the need to make decisions and take action on these decisions.

"For instance," he said, "if you had five frogs on a log and three of them decided to jump, how many frogs would you have left on the log?"

The answers from the group were unanimous: "Two."

"Wrong," replied the speaker, "there would still be five because there is a difference between deciding to jump and jumping."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

 In Today's Issue

Cybersalt News

There is a new funny picture on the Cybersalt site today.  You'll find "Towing Fail" at:
www.cybersalt.org/3rdf

And if your are looking for a new game to play with your friends, why not try the "Spoons Game."  You'll see how to play on the ISN site at:
www.independentsportsnews.com/3pxk

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

AMAP

The interviewer examined the job application then turned to the prospective employee.

"I see you have put ASAP down for the date you are available to start, meaning as soon as possible, of course. However, I see you've put AMAP down for required salary. I don't believe I've ever seen that before, what does it mean?"

The applicant replied, "As Much as Possible!"

One-liner #0954

What do you get when you mix a rhetorical question and a joke?

Chip Apology

Sorry I ate all the chips: It was a snaccident.

Quote #1402

"Smiling has always been easier than explaining why you're sad."

Parenting Challenges

As a member of the organization that installs computer systems aboard Navy ships, I am mindful of how important the off-ship e-mail capabilities are to sailor morale, especially when some vessels are deployed for up to six months.

One day while shopping at the base commissary, I noticed another crucial aspect of my job. I was trailing a frazzled mother with two active children, and I watched as she stalked over to where her young son had perched himself on the rail of the freezer case.

"If you don't get off there right now," she commanded, "I'm going to e-mail your father!"

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.