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Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings everyone - and happy September!

Recently, Rev. James Snyder was battling viruses and vermin while he worked on the church computer. You can read "Stuck between a Virus and a Varmint" at:
www.cybersalt.org/gods-penman/stuck-between-a-virus-and-a-varmint

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim

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Today's CleanLaugh

Black Snake

It was the first camping experience for Jed.

As soon as he had pitched his tent, he went for a hike in the woods. In about fifteen minutes he rushed back into camp, bleeding and disheveled.

"What happened?" asked a fellow camper.

"I was chased by a black snake!" cried the frightened Jed.

The camper laughed and retorted, "A black snake isn't deadly."

"Listen," groaned Jed, "If he can make you jump off a fifty-foot cliff, he is!"

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Today's One Liner

One-Liner #1408

Self-Annihilating Descriptions

We're home at the usual time, for a change!

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Today's Clean Pun

Fowl Watchers

People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders.

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Today's Quote

Quote #1849

"Lord, please do us a massive favor. Make sin appear utterly ugly and exceedingly sinful to us."

- Bob Sorge

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Today's Illustration

Offering, Giving, Complaining

A man and his ten-year-old son were on a fishing trip miles from home. At the boy's insistence, they decided to attend the Sunday worship service at a small rural church. The father forgot to bring any cash, so he reached in his pocket and gave his son a dime to drop in the offering plate as it was passed.

As they walked back to their car after the service, the father complained. "The service was too long," he lamented. "The sermon was boring, and the singing was off key."

Finally the boy said, "Daddy, I thought it was pretty good for a dime."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

  Issue #4481    

 

   

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Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday!

Today I'd like to share a new project I just launched for a client. It's the "DeHaan on Fire" YouTube channel where I'll be interviewing world famous fire investigator, Dr. John DeHaan. If you know of anyone in the firefighting world I'd appreciate you sharing it with them. And of course, if you have two minutes to watch and maybe give the video a like that would be great too!
www.youtube.com/channel/UC_tYj8gTWv64WI425yzMiWQ

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim

     

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Today's CleanLaugh

Forgetting Something

A man was on his way home with a new car, which was absorbing all his attention, when it struck him that he had forgotten something.

Twice he stopped, counted his parcels, searched his pockets, but finally decided he had everything with him. Yet the feeling persisted.

When he reached home his daughter ran out, stopped short, and cried:

"Daddy, where's Mommy?"

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Today's One Liner

One-Liner #1407

Self-Annihilating Descriptions

No one goes there anymore; it's too crowded.

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Today's Clean Pun

Code Consumption

After I drink coffee I like to show the empty mug to the IT guy to tell him that I've successfully installed Java.

He hates me.

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Today's Quote

Quote #1848

"If being hurt by church causes you to lose faith in God, then your faith was in people not in God."

- Larry Bluford Jr.

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Today's Illustration

Tips From Cowboys, Everyday Wisdom

~ Never squat with your spurs on!

~ Never kick a fresh cow chip on a hot day.

~ There's two theories to arguin' with a woman....
Neither one works.

~ Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew.
Your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger than you think.

~ If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

~ After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

~ If you find yourself in a hole the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

~ Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco.

~ It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

~ Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.

~ Good judgement comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgement.

~ Always drink upstream from the herd.

~ Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly.

~ If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

~ When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.

~ When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.

~ Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back.

~ Always take a good look at what you're about to eat.
It's not so important to know what it is, but it's critical to know what it was.

~ The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.

~ Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

     

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Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings everyone!

Forty-eight years of marriage has taught Rev. James Snyder when to giggle and when to think of broccoli. You can learn more about how and why by reading "It’s Hard for Me to Conceal a Giggle" at:
www.cybersalt.org/gods-penman/it-s-hard-for-me-to-conceal-a-giggle

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim

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Today's CleanLaugh

Strange Problem

A young man, fresh out of college, went to see his doctor one day.

"Doc, there's something wrong with me. Every time I stand in a baby's high chair and face southwest, and then touch my tongue to a piece of aluminum foil that's wrapped around an acorn, I get a strange tingle in my big toe. Can you tell me what the problem is?"

"Sure!" The doctor said.

"You have way too much time on your hands!"

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Today's One Liner

One-Liner #1406

Self-Annihilating Description

It's the sort of place you wouldn't think twice about passing without a second glance.

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Today's Clean Pun

Get a Second Opinion

Before my surgery my anesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.

It was an ether/oar situation.

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Today's Quote

Quote #1847

 

"This is God's universe, and God does things His way.
You may have a better way, but you don't have a universe."

- Vernon McGee

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Today's Illustration

Fear of Death

A sick man turned to his doctor, as he was preparing to leave the examination room and said, "Doctor, I am afraid to die. Tell me what lies on the other side."

Very quietly, the doctor said, "I don't know."

"You don't know? You, a Christian man, do not know what is on the other side?"

The doctor was holding the handle of the door; on the other side of which came a sound of scratching and whining, and as he opened the door, a dog sprang into the room and leaped on him with an eager show of gladness.

Turning to the patient, the doctor said, "Did you notice my dog? He's never been in this room before. He didn't know what was inside. He knew nothing, except that his master was here, and when the door opened, he sprang in without fear. I know little of what is on the other side. I know my Master Jesus Christ is there, and that is enough."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

  Issue #4479    

 

   

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Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday!

All is quiet around Cybersalt World Headquarters. Summer is about to wind down, it looks like all our wonderful visits from company have happened and taken their place as cherished memories, and grandma Cybersalt are celebration our 33rd anniversary tomorrow.

I am hoping to have some new offerings from the business side of Cybersalt so stay tuned for that in September!

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim

     

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Today's CleanLaugh

Age Question

A college professor asked his class a question.

"If Philadelphia is 100 miles from New York and Chicago is 1000 miles from Philadelphia and Los Angles is 2000 miles from Chicago, how old am I?"

One student in the back of the class raised his hand and when called upon said, "Professor you're 44."

The Professor said, "You're absolutely correct, but tell me, how did you arrive at the answer so quickly?"

The student said, "You see professor, I have a brother; he's 22, and he's only half crazy."

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Today's One Liner

One-Liner #1405

I will now predict an unanticipated result.

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Today's Clean Pun

Pass It Along

The Patron Saint of copying people into emails is St. Francis of a CC.

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Today's Quote

Quote #1846

"The reason the world is not seeing Jesus is that Christian people are not filled with Jesus. They are satisfied with attending meetings weekly, reading the Bible occasionally, and praying sometimes. It is an awful thing for me to see people who profess to be Christians lifeless, powerless, and in a place where their lives are so parallel to unbelievers' lives that it is difficult to tell which place they are in, whether in the flesh or in the Spirit."

- Smith Wigglesworth

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Today's Illustration

Good Company

A married couple checked in at the Korean Air counter to pick up their tickets. As the smiling Korean woman processed their tickets, the wife asked, "Are these good seats?"

"They are very good seats," the airline worker replied. "You will be sitting next to a handsome gentleman, and your companion will be seated beside a beautiful lady."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.