Cybersalt News
Sunday Greetings everyone.
Here is a server-change update: If you have an AOL, Yahoo, Verizon, or Rogers email address, last Sunday's newsletter arrived very, very late. In fact, 10% of subscribers received it 3 days late. It will be this way for you for a little while until those companies' artificial intelligence learn my IP has changed and get used to the rate of sending on it or if you switch to subscribing with a Gmail address ;-)
Last Thursday's email did not go out due to a glitch in the newsletter software I use. I think it is solved. If you are reading this it is!
And now for our regular Sunday programming. On a recent trip to the doctor's office, Rev. James Snyder realized he's not as old as he thought. You can read "I Didn’t Know How Young I Really Was" at:
www.cybersalt.org/gods-penman/i-didn-t-know-how-young-i-really-was
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.
~ Pastor Tim
Today's CleanLaugh
Sign Fun
On a California freeway:
Fine for Littering
In the window of an Atlanta clothing store:
Sid's Pants is Open
On the wall of a British Columbia cleaning service:
Able to Do the Worst Possible Job
From a septic tank cleaning service:
We're the #1 company for the #2 business!
In a New York jewelry store:
Genuine Fauz Pearls
In a Kansas City oculist's office:
Broken Lenses Duplicated Here
In a Boston fast-food parking lot:
Parking for Drive-Through Customers Only
Billboard on Florida highway:
If You Can't Read, We Can Help
On the Triborough Bridge in New York:
In Event of Air Attack Drive Off Bridge
On a Lockhart, Texas, gas station and mini-mart:
We're out of Rolaids, but we've got gas.
At the basketball court in a Gastonton, North Carolina, YMCA:
Anyone caught hanging from the rim will be suspended
On the door of an Ellsworth, Maine, restaurant:
The Indian Trading Post will be closed for Yom Kippur
In a Grand Rapids restaurant:
Half baked chicken
In a Dayton barbershop:
During vacation of owner, a competent hair stylist will be here
On a Jacksonville, Florida, bookstore:
Rare, out-of-print, and nonexistent books
On a library in Marlboro, New Hampshire, honoring Robert Frost:
Frost Free Library
Today's One Liner
One-Liner #1419
Self-Annihilating Sentence
I have become more optimistic and now believe that things could get worse.
Today's Clean Pun
Mostly Englishmen
I've been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants ...
Feefiphobia
Today's Quote
Quote #1860
"Your duty in service and ministry is to see that there is nothing between Jesus and yourself."
- Oswald Chambers
Today's Illustration
Answering Questions
A salesman was going door to door trying to sell his wares. As he walked up to the next house, he noticed a small boy sitting on the front steps.
"Is your mother home?" the salesman asked the small boy.
"Yeah, she's home," the boy said, scooting over to let him past.
The salesman rang the doorbell, got no response, knocked once, then again. Still no one came to the door. Turning to the boy, the fellow said, "I thought you said your mother was home!?"
The kid replied, "She is; but this isn't where I live."
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
A minister was planning a wedding at the close of the Sunday morning service.
The main trouble with impossibility is that it is never total.
Often people say to me "You just won't understand."
An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.
Self-Annihilating Sentence
What do you call a French guy wearing sandals?
Since he runs a pawnshop, I decided to ask a friend of mine to appraise my grandfather's violin. "Old fiddles aren't worth much, I'm afraid," he explained.
Sunday greetings everyone!
As a young preacher, my small church had limited facilities, so we held baptisms in a creek. With alligators in the area, however, that was less than ideal.
Self-Annihilating Sentence
Hip replacement? More like a pelvis impersonator!
Six year old Brandon decided one Saturday morning to fix his parents pancakes. He found a big bowl and spoon, pulled a chair to the counter, opened the cupboard, and pulled out the heavy flour canister, spilling it on the floor. He scooped some of the flour into the bowl with his hands, mixed in most of a cup of milk and added some sugar, leaving a floury trail on the floor which by now had a few tracks left by his kitten.
Oh look, Chicken Thursday and welcome to autumn or spring depending on the hemisphere you live in!
A knight and his men return to their castle after a long hard day of fighting.
Self-Annihilating Sentence
Where did Captain Hook buy his hook ... ?
I believe my young daughter wants a pair of glasses. I don't know why she does. Perhaps glasses are now "cool" to have in school? But though she sees just fine, she still says she needs glasses.