Cybersalt News
Sunday Greetings everyone.
Rev. James Snyder was very excited about a coupon for a free donut until he had to argue about the taxonomy of what is and isn't a donut. Free doesn't matter if you can't get what you want. You can read more about that in "What's in a name, anyway?" at:
www.cybersalt.org/gods-penman/what-s-in-a-name-anyway
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.
~ Pastor Tim
Today's CleanLaugh
Finest Equipment
Morris had been playing golf for years, and he had the finest equipment, but his technique never improved a bit.
As his friend watched, he teed up at the first hole and promptly drove a brand-new ball into the woods. On the second hole, he drove another new ball into a lake. On the third, he lost a new ball in another part of the woods.
"Why don't you use an old ball?" his friend Sam asked.
"I've never had an old ball," Morris said.
Today's One Liner
One-Liner #1429
Only variables remain constant.
Today's Clean Pun
Winter Geometry
Today I made a snow angle.
Today's Quote
Quote #1867
"A woman's family is held together by her wisdom, but it can be destroyed by her foolishness."
- Proverbs 19:14
Today's Illustration
Mysterious Ways, Signs, God Talking
A pastor was working late on a Saturday night at the Almighty God Tabernacle. Around 10:00 PM he decided to call his wife before he left for home.
Although the pastor let the phone ring several times, his wife didn't answer. A few moments later he tried again and she answered right away. He asked her why she hadn't answered before, and she said that the phone hadn't rung.
The following Monday, the pastor received a call at the church office. The caller wanted to know why the pastor had called him Saturday night. The pastor was confused.
The caller said, "It rang and rang, but I didn't answer."
The pastor remembered the incident and apologized for disturbing him, explaining that he'd intended to call his wife and must have dialed the wrong number.
The man said, "That's okay. Let me tell you my story.
You see, I was planning to commit suicide that night, but before I did, I prayed, 'God if you're there, and you don't want me to do this, give me a sign now.'
At that point my phone started to ring. I looked at the Caller ID, and it said, 'Almighty God.' I was just too afraid to answer!"
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
Oh look, Chicken Thursday!
Memo from Director General to Manager:
Self-Annihilating Sentence: Attitudes
He who is without oil shall throw the first rod.
During the eight years he served as Eisenhower's vice president, Richard Nixon had many reminders of the esteem accorded to people in his position. Once, the Nixons were staying at a hotel in Chicago when a fire alarm went off in the middle of the night. Hundreds of guests, including Dick and Pat Nixon, were herded into the lobby.
Officers at a military installation were being lectured about a new computer. The training officer said the computer was able to withstand nuclear and chemical attacks.
Self-Annihilating One-Liners: The Way of the World
First day as a police officer ...
The men convalescing at a veterans' hospital during World War II were encouraged to use a nearby golf course.
Oh look, Chicken Thursday!
~ Genealogy: Tracing yourself back to better people.
Self-Annihilating Sentences: Commands
People in Athens hate getting up early ... because Dawn is tough on Greece.
Congratulating a friend after her son and daughter got married within a month of each other, a woman asked, "What kind of boy did your daughter marry?"
Your bedroom isn't cluttered; it's "passage-restrictive."
Self-Annihilating Sentences
The only thing that flat-earthers fear ...
I took my granddaughter to church camp for the first time last weekend. Behind the sanctuary is a restroom facility that is separate from other buildings. A common topic of conversation was a problem that was occurring this year - bugs and crickets seem to seek refuge in the restroom.