Cybersalt Digest Archive

Cybersalt News

Yes, there were no mailings on the weekend and Monday. Since my sabbatical ended I've been *trying* to maintain healthier hours. That and a change in my sermon preparation habits combined to bump those mailings. Like tight rope walkers and bank accounts, it's good to keep a healthy balance in life.

There is a new Rev. James Snyder devotional on the Cybersalt Site today. It seems that James isn't bilingual when it comes to political correctness. You can read "Pardon My French, S'il Vous Plaît" at:
www.cybersalt.org/gods-penman/pardon-my-french-s-il-vous-plait 

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim

Today's CleanLaugh

Combination Faith

The temporary Sunday School teacher was struggling to open a combination lock on the supply cabinet.

She had been told the combination, but couldn't quite remember it. Finally she went to the pastor's study and asked for help.

The pastor came into the room and began to turn the dial. After the first two numbers he paused and stared blankly for a moment. Finally he looked serenely heavenward and his lips moved silently.

Then he looked back at the lock, and quickly turned to the final number, and opened the lock.

The teacher was amazed. "I'm in awe at your faith, pastor," she said.

"It's really nothing," he answered.

"The number is on a piece of tape on the ceiling."

Today's One-liner

One-liner #1121

I am always going the extra mile: because I never stop for directions.

Today's Clean Pun

Say Cheese

If prisons let prisoners take their own mugshots, would they be called cellfies?

Today's Quote

Quote #1569

"Thou hast formed us for Thyself, and our hearts are restless till they find rest in Thee."

- Augustine

Self Image, Discipline, Dieting

A middle-aged man wasn't feeling well, so he went to the doctor for a check up.

After a thorough examination, the doctor said, "Well, based on my examination, the best thing for you is to cut out all sweets and fatty foods, give up alcohol, and stop smoking."

The man said, "Well, to be honest with you Doc, I don't deserve the best. What's the second best?"

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Cybersalt News

I enjoy people who enjoy their jobs, so I enjoy the people in today's FunBlog entry. You'll find "Knocking Big Rocks Down" at:
www.cybersalt.org/funblog/knocking-big-rocks-down

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim

Today's CleanLaugh

Senior "Favorite Things"

There are recent rumors that Julie Andrews did a concert for AARP (The American Association of Retired Persons). Ms. Andrews sang a favorite from the Sound of Music, "Favorite Things". There were a few changes to the words, to fit in with the AARP theme.

Here are the new words to this tune:

Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Cadillacs and cataracts and hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the pipes leak,
When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets, and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heat pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Back pains, confused brains, and no fear of sinning,
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinning,
And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things.

When the joints ache, when the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
I simply remember the great life I've had,
And then I don't feel so bad.

Today's One-liner

One-liner #1120

I need to get in shape; if I was murdered right now my chalk outline would be a circle.

Today's Clean Pun

Diet Anticipation

I just want to be as thin as my patience.

Today's Quote

Quote #1568

"Chains do not hold a marriage together.  It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years."  

- Simone Signoret

Harvesting, Frustration

Two farmers were comparing notes on the poor harvest.

"Jeb, I'm telling you the wheat was so poor I had to harvest it with scissors."

"That's nothing, Grady. I had to lather my field and shave it."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday!

There is a new Funny Picture on the Cybersalt site. Do you know someone who always likes to go bigger in a race? This guy looks like one of those types. Check out "Rubber Duck Race" at:
www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/rubber-duck-race

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim

Today's CleanLaugh

Do You Understand?

At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded yes.

"Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?" The little boy nodded yes.

"So," the coach continued, "when a strike is called, or you are out at first, you don't argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand all that?" Again, the boy nodded yes.

"Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain it to your mother."

Today's One-liner

One-liner #1119

My goal was to lose 10 pounds this year: only 15 to go!

Today's Clean Pun

Which Way Shouldn't I Go?

Askhole: A person who constantly asks for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them.

Today's Quote

Quote #1567

"Somewhere, someone else is happy with less than you have."

Brighten Your Corner

We cannot all be famous 
or be listed in "Who's Who",
But every person, great or small,
has important work to do.

For seldom do we realize
the importance of small deeds,
Or to what degree of greatness
unnoticed kindness leads.

For it's not the big celebrity
in a world of fame and praise,
But it's doing unpretentiously
in an undistinguished way

The work that God assigned to us,
unimportant as it seems,
That makes our task outstanding,
and brings reality to dreams.

So do not sit and idly wish
for wider, new dimensions
where you can put into practice
your many good intentions.

But at the spot God placed you
begin at once to do,
Little things to brighten up
the lives surrounding you.

If everybody brightened up
the spot where they're standing,
By being more considerate,
and a little less demanding,

This dark old world would very soon
eclipse the evening star,
If everybody brightened up
the corner where they are!

- Helen Steiner Rice

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Cybersalt News

First impressions, though often wrong, are still very powerful - as Alice found out with her E-Harmony profile. You will find "E-Harmony Profile" at:
www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/e-harmony-profile

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim

Today's CleanLaugh

Punishment

An irritated father complained to his golf buddy.

"When I was a kid, my parents sent me to my room without supper if I misbehaved. But my son has his own color TV, telephone, computer, every computer game and CD player in his room!"

"So how do you handle it?" his friend asked.

"I send him to MY room!"

Today's One-liner

One-liner #1118

On one hand, I'm indecisive, but on the other, I'm not.

Today's Clean Pun

Player Deficit

"We don't have a home-run hitter."

- Tom, ruthlessly

Today's Quote

Quote #1566

"If I were called upon to state in a few words the essence of everything I was trying to say both as a novelist and as a preacher, it would be something like this: Listen to your life. See it for the fathomless mystery it is. In the boredom and pain of it no less than in the excitement and gladness: touch, taste, smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it because in the last analysis all moments are key moments, and life itself is grace."

- Frederick Buechner

Faith and Suffering

I was listening to a lady who called a radio pastor. The pastor was a wise, grandfatherly gentleman who has that calm reassuring voice that can melt all fear. The lady, who was obviously crying, said, "Pastor, I was born blind, and I've been blind all my life. I don't mind being blind but I have some well meaning friends who tell me that if I had more faith I could be healed."

The pastor asked her, "Tell me, do you carry one of those white canes?"

"Yes I do," she replied.

"Then the next time someone says that hit them over the head with the cane," he said. "Then tell them, 'If you had more faith that wouldn't hurt!'"

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.