Cybersalt Digest Archive

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Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday!

When you bring your vehicle into a shop, usually you expect it to come out better than going in. Today's funny truck picture on the Cybersalt Site shows one time that was not the case. You will find "Truck Alignment" at:
www.cybersalt.org/funny-car-pictures/truck-alignment

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim

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Today's CleanLaugh

Friendly Pig

A man was on a walking holiday in a foreign country. He became thirsty so decided to ask at a stranger's home for something to drink.

The lady of the house invited him in and served him a bowl of soup by the fire.

There was a wee pig running around the kitchen - running up to the visitor and giving him a great deal of attention.

The visitor commented that he had never seen a pig this friendly.

The housewife replied: "Ummm, he's not that friendly. That's his bowl you're using"

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Today's One-liner

One-liner #1130

The world is full of apathy, but I don't care.

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Today's Clean Pun

Convention Trick

Bought what I thought were a stack of classic Batman comic books from the 50's. Got 'em home and found the covers are Batman, but inside they're all Little Lulus!

I think I've been the victim of some sort of comic-con!

– David Manzi

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Today's Quote

Quote #1578

"God is in the business of growing Abram into a man of great faith, and this requites circumstances where Abram must trust God."

- David Guzik

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Today's Illustration

Simple Prayer

"Simple Prayer"

My son Gilbert was eight years old and had been in Cub Scouts only a short time.  During one of his meetings he was handed a sheet of paper, a block of wood and four tires and told to return home and give all to "dad".

That was not an easy task for Gilbert to do.  Dad was not receptive to doing things with his son.  But Gilbert tried.  Dad read the paper and scoffed at the idea of making a pine wood derby car with his young, eager son.  The block of wood remained untouched as the weeks passed.

Finally, as his mom, I stepped in to see if I could figure this all out.  The project began.  Having no carpentry skills, I decided it would be best if I simply read the directions and let Gilbert do the work.  And he did.  I read aloud the measurements, the rules of what we could do and what we couldn't do.

Within days his block of wood was turning into a pinewood derby car.  A little lopsided, but looking great (at least through the eyes of a mom).  Gilbert had not seen any of the other kids cars and was feeling pretty proud of his "Blue Lightning;" the pride that comes with knowing you did something on your own.

Then the big night came.  With his blue pinewood derby in his hand and pride in his heart we headed to the big race.  Once there my little one's pride turned to humility.  Gilbert's car was obviously the only car made entirely on his own.  All the other cars were a father-son partnership, with cool paint jobs and sleek body styles made for speed.

A few of the boys giggled as they looked at Gilbert's, lopsided, wobbly, unattractive vehicle.  To add to the humility Gilbert was the only boy without a man at his side.  A couple of the boys who were from single parent homes at least had an uncle or grandfather by their side; Gilbert had "mom."

As the race began it was done in elimination fashion.  You kept racing as long as you were the winner.  One by one the cars raced down the finely sanded ramp.  Finally it was between Gilbert and the sleekest, fastest looking car there.

As the last race was about to begin, my wide eyed, shy eight year old ask if they could stop the race for a minute, because he wanted to pray.  The race stopped.

Gilbert hit his knees clutching his funny looking block of wood between his hands.  With a wrinkled brow he set to converse with his Father.  He prayed in earnest for a very long minute and a half.
Then he stood, smile on his face and announced, 'Okay, I am ready."

As the crowd cheered, a other boy named Tommy stood with his father as their car sped down the ramp.  Gilbert stood with his Father within his heart and watched his block of wood wobble down the ramp with surprisingly great speed and rush over the finish line a fraction of a second before Tommy's car.

Gilbert leaped into the air with a loud "Thank you" as the crowd roared in approval.  The Scout Master came up to Gilbert with microphone in hand and asked the obvious question, "So you prayed to win, huh, Gilbert?"

To which my young son answered, "Oh, no sir.  That wouldn't be fair to ask God to help you beat someone else.  I just asked Him to make it so I don't cry when I lose."

Children seem to have a wisdom far beyond us.  Gilbert didn't ask God to win the race, he didn't ask God to fix the out come, Gilbert asked God to give him strength in the outcome.  When Gilbert first saw the other cars he didn't cry out to God, "No fair, they had a fathers help".

No, he went to his Father for strength.  Perhaps we spend too much of our prayer time asking God to rig the race, to make us number one, or too much time asking God to remove us from the struggle, when we should be seeking God's strength to get through the struggle.  I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13

Gilbert's simple prayer spoke volumes to those present that night. He never doubted that God would indeed answer his request.  He didn't pray to win, thus hurt someone else, he prayed that God supply the grace to lose with dignity.  Gilbert, by his stopping the race to speak to his Father also showed the crowd that he wasn't there without a "dad", but His Father was most definitely there with him.

Yes, Gilbert walked away a winner that night, with his Father at his side.

By Peggy Porter

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

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Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings everyone!

There is a new Rev. James Snyder devotional on the Cybersalt Site today. It turns out that James is pretty self-conscious about his breath. The good thing is that he is very aware that it is God who gives it to him. You can read "Bad Breath Ain’t Always That Bad" at:

www.cybersalt.org/gods-penman/bad-breath-ain-t-always-that-bad

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim

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Today's CleanLaugh

Modern Tool Reality

Hammer - In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on one's enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on oneself.

Pliers - A device used to extend your reach the necessary few inches when you drop a one-of-a-kind screw down behind the new wall it took you two weeks to install.

Multi-Pliers - Contain a handy assortment of sharp and dangerous tools. Best left in its leather sheath and worn on a homeowners belt to increase testosterone levels.

Electronic Stud Finder - An annoying device that never goes off when you point it at yourself.

Halogen Light - A work-light that lights up your backyard with the incandescence of a football stadium, causing you to cast a heavy shadow over the area you're working on so that you need to use a flashlight anyway.

Cordless Drill - A device that lessens your chance of electrocution 90% over a standard plug-in tool.

Cell Phone - The handyman's 911.

Chain Saw - Allows you to cut your way out of the shed that you accidentally built completely around yourself.

Vise Grips - A pair of helping hands that doesn't critique the job you're doing or offer advice.

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Today's One-liner

One-liner #1129

If there's one thing I can't stand, it's intolerance.

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Today's Clean Pun

Florida News

Florida News: Now they are using alligators to make belts....

It's amazing what you can get alligators to do.

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Today's Quote

Quote #1577

"You can know you have made God in your own image when He starts hating the same people you do."

– Anonymous

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Today's Illustration

Home Life

A woman was at home with her children when the telephone rang.

In going to answer it, she tripped on a rug, grabbed for something to hold on to and seized the telephone table. It fell over with a crash, jarring the receiver off the hook.

As it fell, it hit the family dog, which leaped up, howling and barking. The woman's three-year-old son, startled by this noise, broke into loud screams.

The woman mumbled some colorful words.

She finally managed to pick up the receiver and lift it to her ear, just in time to hear her husband's voice on the other end say, "Nobody's said hello yet, but it certainly sounds as if I have the right number."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

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Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday!

Yesterday, September 28, 2016, was the 18th anniversary of the Cybersalt Site. Thanks for being a part of the fun!

There is a new funny sign video on the Cybersalt Site today. You will find "Don't Drink Sign" at:
www.cybersalt.org/funny-signs/don-t-drink-sign

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim

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Today's CleanLaugh

Corporate Listening

The company I worked for had an employee suggestion competition, the entire staff was asked to submit entries that would save money for the firm.

The winner was a man who suggested the company save paper by posting corporate memos on bulletin boards, instead of printing 200 individual copies for distribution.

He won a helium balloon with the company logo and one share of stock.

A memo announcing the winner went out to 200 people.

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Today's One-liner

One-liner #1128

I like an escalator because an escalator can never break, it can only become stairs. There would never be an escalator temporarily out of order sign, only an "Escalator temporarily stairs - sorry for the convenience" sign.

- Mitch Hedberg, Comedy Central Presents

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Today's Clean Pun

English Buns

"Ah, synonym rolls . . . just like grammar used to make them."

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Today's Quote

Quote #1576

"Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God's grace. And your best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of God's grace."

Jerry Bridges, The Discipline of Grace

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Today's Illustration

Common Sense

My friend has a lifesaving tool in her car.

It's designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped.

She keeps it in the trunk.

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

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Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings everyone!

My last two sermons (the first two after my 29 week stretch of not preaching) are on the Westside Bible Church web site.
You'll find "Elephant Killing Wisdom" at:
www.westsidefamily.org/messages/elephant-killing-wisdom
You'll find "To Condemn or Not Condemn - There is No Question" at:
www.westsidefamily.org/messages/to-condemn-or-not-condemn-there-is-no-question 

There is also a new Rev. James Snyder devotional on the Cybersalt Site today. James has written his own script for when certain telemarketers call his cell phone.  You can read "Pursuing A Course In Apple-Fritterology" at:
www.cybersalt.org/gods-penman/pursuing-a-course-in-apple-fritterology

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim

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Today's CleanLaugh

Engine Trouble

Many years ago before the days of cell phones and data, a friend, driving home from a fishing trip in northern Michigan with his boat in tow, had engine trouble a few miles inland from Lake Huron. He didn't have a CB radio in his car, so he decided to use his marine radio to get help. Climbing into his boat, he broadcast his call letters and asked for assistance.

A Coast Guard officer responded, "Please give your location."

"I'm on Interstate-75, two miles south of Standish."

The officer paused, "Could you repeat that?"

"I-75, two miles south of Standish."

A longer pause. Then an incredulous voice asked, "How fast were you going when you hit shore?"

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Today's One-liner

One-liner #1127

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

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Today's Clean Pun

Self Static

"I keep shocking myself," said Tom, revolted.

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Today's Quote

Quote #1575

"The eyes of all look to you, LORD,  and you give them their food at the proper time. You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing."

Psalm 145:15-16

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Today's Illustration

Someone Who Understands

Bob Weber, past president of Kiwanis International, told this story. He had spoken to a club in a small town and was spending the night with a farmer on the outskirts of the community. He had just relaxed on the front porch when a newsboy delivered the evening paper. The boy noted the sign "Puppies for Sale". The boy got off his bike and said to the farmer, "How much do you want for the pups, mister?"

"Twenty-five dollars, son."

The boy's face dropped. "Well, sir, could I at least see them anyway?"

The farmer whistled, and in a moment the mother dog came bounding around the corner of the house tagged by four of the cute puppies, wagging their tails and yipping happily. At last, another pup came straggling around the house, dragging one hind leg.

"What's the matter with that puppy, mister?" the boy asked.

"Well, Son, that puppy is crippled. We took her to the vet and the doctor took an X ray. The pup doesn't have a hip joint and that leg will never be right."

To the amazement of both men, the boy dropped the bike, reached for his collection bag and took out a fifty-cent piece. "Please, mister," the boy pleaded, "I want to buy that pup. I'll pay you fifty cents every week until the twenty-five dollars is paid. Honest I will, mister."

The farmer replied, "But, Son, you don't seem to understand. That pup will never, never be able to run or jump. That pup is going to be a cripple forever. Why in the world would you want such a useless pup as that?"

The boy paused for a moment, then reached down and pulled up his pant leg, exposing that all too familiar iron brace and leather knee-strap holding a poor twisted leg. The boy answered, "Mister, that pup is going to need someone who understands him to help him in life!"

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.