Cybersalt News
There is a new Funny Picture on the Cybersalt Site today; it's a sign your city works crew is for the birds. You'll find "Pothole Goose" at:
www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/pothole-goose
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!
Today's CleanLaugh
Animal Race Stats
Some racehorses are staying in a stable.
One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 16 races, I've won 8 of them!"
Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 20!!"
"Oh that's good, but in the last 37 races, I've won 29!" says another, flicking his tail.
At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening.
"I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but in my last 91 races, I've won 89!"
The horses are clearly amazed.
"Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence.
"A talking dog."
Today's One-liner
One-liner #1023
"Wow! That butterfly's gonna be HUGE!" said the first person to find a mummy.
Today's Clean Pun
Riveting Documentary
I'm watching a documentary on how they attach those little metal things onto jeans.
It's riveting.
Today's Quote
Quote #1471
"The only person who dares wake up a king at 3:00am for a glass of water is a child. We have that kind of access."
- Timothy Keller
Today's Illustration
Credit Requests
An elderly fisherman wrote the following to a catalog company: "Please send me one of those gasoline engines for my boat you show on page 438, and if it's any good, I'll send you a check."
In a short time he received the following reply: "Please send check. If it's any good, we'll send the engine."
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.
The Pentagon recently unveiled its new super computer to the top brass. This fantastic device, capable of making bazillions of decisions in split nanoseconds, is designed to solve all military problems with the greatest of ease.
I finally found a diet plan that works; it's called "The Cost of Food."
Farmer Josh killed a pig and hung it up for the night, intending to butcher it in the morning, but the next day it was gone. He didn't tell a soul about it, and nothing happened for more than two months.
A college senior took his new girlfriend to a football game.
If you love something, let it go: unless it's balloons.
Caesar once ruled Rome, a vast domain.
No use in arguing with those who have no clue, or trying to make them understand your point of view.
A goober walks up to the return counter at Walmart and says to the clerk, "I'd like to return this thermos."
If I was a mortician I'd tie the shoe laces of dead people together, so if there ever was a zombie apocalypse it would be hilarious.
"My dad is a doctor. I can get sick for nothing," bragged one little boy.
Walking through a park, I passed a massive oak tree. A vine had grown up along its trunk. The vine started small - nothing to bother about. But over the years the vine had gotten taller and taller. By the time I passed, the entire lower half of the tree was covered by the vine's creepers. The mass of tiny feelers was so thick that the tree looked as though it had innumerable birds' nests in it.
- It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.
My exercise program consists of having a lot of stairs in my home and forgetting things.
Know why I went off on a tangent? Cos.
Common, Everyday Fibs