Cybersalt News
Oh look, Chicken Thursday!
There is a new Funny Cat Picture on the Cybersalt site today. You'll find "Cat Cup" at:
www.cybersalt.org/funny-cat-pictures/cat-cup
Also, for those of you who have web sites that run on Joomla, there are 5 new Basic Joomla Tutorials on the site at:
www.cybersalt.org/blogs/totally-tim/joomla
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!
Today's CleanLaugh
Chocolate Laughs
Over the years, people have come up with a number of great reasons to eat chocolate. The following 11 reasons are all viable options for yourself or a friend to eat chocolate with a clear conscience. ENJOY!
*Chocolate is derived from cacao beans. Bean = vegetable. Sugar is derived from either sugar CANE or sugar BEETS. Both are plants, which places them in the vegetable category. Thus, chocolate is a vegetable. To go one step further, chocolate candy bars also contain milk, which is dairy. So candy bars are a health food.
*Chocolate-covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
*If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.
*The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.
*Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite, and you'll eat less.
*If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other?
*Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger. Therefore, you need to eat more chocolate.
*Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.
*A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Now, isn't that handy?
*If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?
*If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated. You can't let that happen, can you?
Today's One-liner
One-liner #1027
Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?
Today's Clean Pun
Glass Skipper
Glass Dolphin: clarity of porpoise.
Today's Quote
Quote #1475
"God is looking for people through whom He can do the impossible. What a pity we plan to do only the things that we can do by ourselves."
- A.W. Tozer
Today's Illustration
Empathy
A Sunday school teacher was telling her youngsters about Daniel and the Lion's Den. To illustrate the lesson she had a picture of Daniel standing, brave and confident, with a group of lions around him. Suddenly, one little girl started to cry.
The teacher said, "Don't cry. The lions are not going to eat Daniel."
Holding back sobs and tears the girl said, "That's not what I'm crying about. That little lion, over in the corner, isn't going to get anything to eat."
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.
A gentleman goes to an estate sale and notices that one of the items for sale is a large parrot.
"I smoke cigars because at my age if I don't have something to hang on to, I might fall down."
Just bought a universal remote control.
I recently overheard a boss talking to one of his employees at a restaurant recently.
Did you hear about the banker who was recently arrested for embezzling $100,000 to pay for his daughter's college education?
If a tin whistle is made out of tin (and it is), then what, exactly, is fog horn made out of?
The Massachusetts Department of Transport found over 200 dead crows on Boston area highways recently and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu.
They say that prayer changes things, but does it REALLY change anything?
A young man, fresh out of college, went to see his doctor one day.
I wish some of my co-workers weren't allowed in the break room ... because that's who I usually need a break from.
Rotating earth: You made my day.
A person belonging to an ethnic group whose members are commonly considered to have certain stereotypical mannerisms met another person belonging to a different ethnic group with a different set of imputed stereotypical mannerisms.
*Children's Attempts at Singing Well Known Hymns*