Issue #4548    

 

   

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Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday!

One of the new (to me) quotes from the last couple of weeks is "We're not all in the same boat, we're all in the same storm." I was reminded of this today when I received a call from a refugee who was obviously having a very low moment. He, his wife and 4 children live in a 10 foot by 20 foot single room apartment. They face a huge fine if they are caught taking their children outside during their current quarantine. Their children have been inside for 6 weeks straight.

This is a blessed family because they do have a church who wants to sponsor them to come to Canada, but they still face a hard road because when refugee interviews (conducted by the Canadian government) are able to resume, there may still be a 2 year wait for their interview, and during that time they will be in danger of being arrested and sent back to their persecutors. In this storm we're all in, let's be grateful for what we have and also pray for and be practical towards those with smaller boats than ours.

Wash your hands, keep safe and enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim

     

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Today's CleanLaugh

Work Phrases Explained

Advanced Design:

Beyond the comprehension of the ad agency's copywriters.

All New:

Parts not interchangeable with existing models.

Approved:

Needs revising

Automatic:

That which you cannot repair yourself.

Clarify:

To fill in the background with so many details that the foreground goes underground.

Conference:

A place where conversation is substituted for the loneliness of thought and the dreariness of labor.

Confidential Memo:

No time to send to the whole office.

Consultant:

Someone who borrows your watch to tell you what time it is and then walks away with the watch.

Forwarded For Your Consideration:

You hold the bag for a while.

FYI:

Found yesterday. Interested?

In Conference:

Nobody can find him/her.

Let's Get Together On This:

I'm assuming you're as confused as I.

Note & Initial:

I'm not taking the fall for this myself.

Policy:

We can hide behind this.

Please See Me:

Come down to my office. I'm lonely.

Top Priority:

It may be stupid but the boss wants it.

We Are Taking A Survey:

We need more time to think of an answer or we can't find anyone willing to be responsible for this.

Will Advise In Due Course:

If we figure it out, we'll let you know.

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Today's One Liner

One-Liner #1474

I would give up chocolate, but I'm not a quitter!

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Today's Clean Pun

On Ice

Since hockey has been cancelled, no one has seen the Zamboni driver.

But I'm sure he will resurface eventually.

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Today's Quote

Quote #1912

 

"When he called his society together, Jesus gave its members a new way of life to live.
He gave them a new way to deal with offenders - by forgiving them;
He gave them a new way to deal with violence - by suffering;
He gave them a new way to deal with money - by sharing it;
He gave them a new way to deal with problems of leadership - by drawing upon the gift of every member, even the most humble;
He gave them a new way to deal with a corrupt society - by building a new order, not smashing the old;
He gave them a new pattern of relationship between man and woman, between parent and child, between master and slave, in which was made concrete a radical new vision of what it means to be a human person."

- Stanley Hauerwas

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Today's Illustration

Missteps

I recall a time when my son was about 18 months old. I had him strapped into a backpack and was rushing to catch the bus. Apparently I missed my step and fell down an entire flight of stairs (13 to be exact). I was bruised and bleeding and had torn my jeans ... but my main concern was, naturally, for my child.

My fears were alleviated, though, when from behind me I heard a gleeful giggle followed by, "Again!"

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

     

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Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings everyone!

Today is Mother's Day and with the worldwide pandemic it will be a very different one for most of us. Today, let's also remember that Mother's day was already difficult for many and, if that is true of you today,  I pray that your hearts will feel the love and comfort of Jesus who sees you.

With these thoughts in mind I am sharing this video with you. "His Eye Is On the Sparrow" is a favourite of mine and this rendition by Whitney Houston is a great one, not only because the singing is great, but also for the same reason many of you are thinking, "But Pastor Tim, Whitney Houston [insert comment here]!"

I am well aware of the story of Whitney Houston's life, but that doesn't change the fact that Jesus eye is on even the sparrow (Luke 12:6). The Bible is not true only when perfect people preach it or sing it - or those pretending to be perfect do the same thing. It is true because it is true and all of us, especially when our lives are hot messes, need to remember that so we can sing them and even cling to them in our hardest days.

Rev. James Snyder and his wife have been sheltering in place together, and their place is definitely benefiting from it. You can read "There’s Always Tomorrow" at:
www.cybersalt.org/gods-penman/there-s-always-tomorrow

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim

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Today's CleanLaugh

Tired Mom

I had put in an 18-hour day at work and was upset to find my four-year-old Zack asleep in bed with my husband when I got home. Zack squirms so much it is impossible to get a decent night's sleep when he is with us. Exhausted, I collapsed into his bed instead, where I slept better than I had in years.

The next morning, I asked my husband, "Why was Zack in bed with you?"

"Oh," he replied, shrugging, "he wet his bed, and I was too tired to change his sheets."

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Today's One Liner

One-Liner #1473

Mother: She never quite leaves her children at home, even when she doesn’t take them along.

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Today's Clean Pun

My Mother the Car

At the Museum of Television:

"The first episode of 'My Mother the Car' marks the very first airing of an auto-pilot."

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Today's Quote

Quote #1911

"Mothers hold their children's hands for a short while, but their hearts forever."

- unknown

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Today's Illustration

Mother's Day, Kind Gestures, Good Intentions

Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day morning. As she lay there looking forward to being brought breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen.

Finally, the children called her to come downstairs. She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs.

"As a surprise for Mother's Day," one explained, "we decided to cook our own breakfast."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

  Issue #4546    

 

   

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Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday!

Down through my life many people have wished I would cover my face when going out in public. Wish granted!

Grandma Cybersalt and I are very thankful to a friend of ours who sewed these masks for us. It seems odd to think about going out in public wearing them (our provincial medical doctor is still asking us to wait two more weeks before "doubling our bubble") but not as weird as risking the lives of others or ourselves.

Speaking of weird, I've noticed a very strange new type of person on my TV. People who claim to be pro-life while at the same time arguing for the sacrifice of the elderly and weaker members of society for their own gain and comfortable standard of living. Just imagine the thoughts of those who sacrificed their own lives in WW2, so their children could live long lives in peace, if you were to tell them a future generation would sacrifice those same children as seniors for a haircut and a hamburger.

Wash your hands, keep safe and enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim

     

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Today's CleanLaugh

Big Date

A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?

His mother had an idea: "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your place for a home-cooked meal?"

He thought this was a great strategy and arranged a date for a week later. His mother called the day after the big date to see how things had gone.

"The evening was a disaster," he moaned.

"Why? Didn't she come over?" asked his mother.

"Oh, she came over, but she refused to cook..."

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Today's One Liner

One-Liner #1472

Better living through denial!

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Today's Clean Pun

Goal Limbo

Did you hear about the perfectionist who walked into a bar?

It was too low.

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Today's Quote

Quote #1910

"We are not all in the same boat, but we are in the same storm."

- unknown

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Today's Illustration

Mothers' Maintenance Manual

Many of us take better care of our cars then we do our mothers and yet we only expect our cars to last 5 or 6 years but we expect our mothers to last for a lifetime. Maybe we need a maintenance manual for mothers so we would know how to take care of them at least as well as we do our automobiles. Here are some items that might be included in such a manual.

Engine: A mother's engine is one of the most dependable kinds you can find. She can reach top speed from a prone position at a single cry from a sleeping child. But regular breaks are needed to keep up that peak performance.

Mothers need a hot bath and a nap every 100 miles, a baby-sitter and a night out every 1,000 miles, and a live-in baby-sitter with a one week vacation every 10,000 miles.

Battery: Mother's batteries should be recharged regularly. Handmade items, notes, unexpected hugs and kisses, and frequent "I love you's" will do very well! for a recharge.

Carburetor: When a mother's carburetor floods it should be treated immediately with Kleenex and a soft shoulder.

Brakes: See that she uses her brakes to slow down often and come to a full stop occasionally. (A squeaking sound indicates a need for a rest).

Fuel: Most mothers can run indefinitely on coffee, leftovers and salads, but an occasional dinner for two at a nice restaurant will really add to her efficiency.

Chassis: Mothers run best when their bodies are properly maintained. Regular exercise should be encouraged and provided for as necessary. A change in hairdo or makeup in spring and fall are also helpful. If you notice the chassis begins to sag, immediately start a program of walking, jogging, swimming, or bike riding. These are most effective when done with fathers.

Tune-ups: Mothers need regular tune-ups. Compliments are both the cheapest and most effective way to keep a mother purring contentedly.

Oh yes, and let's not forget to speak to mother lovingly and respectfully, especially when she reminds you to drive carefully and have a good time.

If these instructions are followed consistently, this fantastic creation and gift from God, whom we call "MOTHER", should last a lifetime and give good service and constant love to those who need her most.

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

     

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Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings everyone!

The other night I was in the kitchen with Mrs. Cybersalt when I realized the next day was Saturday, which meant it was Friday night and that meant  . . . . .  actually I could not think of anything that meant. Another isolation Saturday would be just like all the others. I'm still OK with that because these days are a necessary season that will pass too. Days running into days, running into days, put me in mind of this hymn written in 1865 by Lina Sandell several years after she had witnessed the tragic drowning death of her father.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Day_by_Day_(hymn)

The truths sung in this old hymn hold true whether it is one day or a thousand that sets us on our heels:

Rev. James Snyder is celebrating his role in the purchase of the new van in his driveway after a year of searching. You can read "Old Deals, New Wheels" at:
www.cybersalt.org/gods-penman/old-deals-new-wheels

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim

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Today's CleanLaugh

Impressions

A man commissioned Picasso to paint a portrait of his wife. Startled by the nonrepresentational image on the canvas, the woman's husband complained, "It isn't how she really looks."

When asked by the painter how she really looked, the man produced a photograph from his wallet.

Returning the photograph Pablo observed, "Small, isn't she?"

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Today's One Liner

One-Liner #1471

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

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Today's Clean Pun

Posterior Planning

"I wish I had asked for a seat in advance," Tom said reservedly.

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Today's Quote

Quote #1909

"I had to surrender my 'if only' to Jesus."

- Corrie ten Boom

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Today's Illustration

No Hidden Sins

A speeding motorist was caught by radar from a police helicopter in the sky.

An officer pulled him over and began to issue a traffic ticket. "How did you know I was speeding?" the frustrated driver asked.

The police officer pointed somberly toward the sky.

"You mean," asked the motorist, "that even He is against me?"

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.