Cybersalt Digest Archive

4146

---

Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings everyone!

There is a new Rev. James Snyder devotional on the Cybersalt Site today. James would like some practical help from all the politicians who want to fight for him in Washington. You can read more in "Pleeeease Don’t Say You’ll Go Fight For Me, Mr. Candidate" at:
www.cybersalt.org/gods-penman/pleeeease-don-t-say-you-ll-go-fight-for-me-mr-candidate 

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim

---

Today's CleanLaugh

Karmel Recipe

The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal.

She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces and laid it upon the altar.

And then Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four times.

"Now, said the teacher, "can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?"

A little girl in the back of the room raised her hand with great enthusiasm. "To make the gravy," came her enthusiastic reply.

Image credit: www.coolskies.net/holyland 

---

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

---

Cybersalt News

OOOPS!

For much of yesterday the image was broken on the new "Wedding Photobomb" page. A big "thank you" to Cybersaltine Walter McLauren for bringing that to my attention! If you missed it yesterday, you can still catch it at:
www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/wedding-photo-bomb 

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim

---

Today's CleanLaugh

Seconds First

A young woman wasn't feeling well and asked one her co-workers to recommend a physician.

"I know a great one in the city, but he is very expensive. Five hundred dollars for the first visit, and one hundred dollars for each one after that."

The woman went to the doctor's office and, trying to save a little money, cheerily announced. "I'm back!"

Not fooled for a second, the doctor quickly examined her and said, "Very good, just continue the treatment I prescribed on your last visit."

---

Today's One-liner

One-liner #1086

Children will soon forget your presents; they will always remember your presence.

---

---

Today's Clean Pun

Perkatory

Perkatory: That awful time spent waiting for the first cup of coffee to be ready.

---

Today's Quote

Quote #1534

"Sometimes you have to tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to just sit down and shut up."

- TobyMac #Speak Life

---

Today's Illustration

Innocent Dangers

Green garden grass snakes can be dangerous. Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes.

A couple in Sweetwater, Texas had a lot of potted plants, and during a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing many of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze. It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants and when it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa. She let out a very loud scream.

The husband who was taking a shower ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa. He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it.

About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the leg. He thought the snake had bitten him and he fainted. His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she called an ambulance. The attendants rushed in and loaded him on the stretcher and started carrying him out.

About that time the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his leg and why he is in the hospital.

The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor man. He volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch.

Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief. But in relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa, and the neighbor man, seeing her laying there passed out tried to use CPR to revive her.

The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to the point where it needed stitches. An ambulance was again called and it was determined that the injury required hospitalization.

The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed he had been bitten by the snake. She went to the kitchen, brought back a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat.

By now the police had arrived. They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all when the two women tried to explain how it all happened over a little green snake. They called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife.

Just then the little snake crawled out from under the couch. One of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table that was on one side of the sofa. The table fell over and the lamp on it shattered and as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes.

The other policeman tried to beat out the flames and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog, who startled, jumped up and raced out into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car and set it on fire. Meanwhile, the burning drapes had spread to the walls and the entire house was blazing.

Neighbors had called the fire department and the arriving fire truck had started raising his ladder as they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires and put out the electricity and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area.

Time passed. Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was re-built, the police acquired a new car, and all was right with their world.

About a year later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The husband asked his wife if she thought they should bring in their plants for the night.

She shot him.

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

---

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

---

Cybersalt News

There is a new Funny Wedding Picture on the Cybersalt Site today. It may take a while to see the funny part about this picture, but once you do you won't be able to unsee it. You'll find "Wedding Photo Bomb" at:
www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/wedding-photo-bomb 

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim

---

Today's CleanLaugh

Dressing The Kids

The mother of a large family was explaining why she dresses her children alike, right down to the youngest baby.

"When we had just four children, I dressed them alike so we wouldn't lose any of them."

"Now," she added, looking around at her brood of nine, "I dress them alike so we won't pick up any that don't belong to us."

---

Today's One-liner

One-liner #1085

If people could be paid to die for us, they'd get rich.

---

---

Today's Clean Pun

Escargot Speed

I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him run faster; if anything, it made him more sluggish.

---

Today's Quote

Quote #1533

"Those who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it."

- Chinese Proverb

---

Today's Illustration

Trying to Manipulate God

A businessman who needed millions of dollars to clinch an important deal went to church to pray for the money. By chance, he knelt next to a man who was praying for $100 to pay an urgent debt.

The businessman took out his wallet and pressed $100 into the other man's hand. Overjoyed, the man got up and left the church.

The businessman then closed his eyes and prayed, "And now, Lord, that I have your undivided attention..."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

---

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

---

Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday!

There is a new Funny Car Picture on the Cybersalt Site today and I think it will take many of you back to your childhood - especially if you liked plastic car models! You'll find "Big Model Kit" at:
www.cybersalt.org/funny-car-pictures/big-model-kit 

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim

---

Today's CleanLaugh

Songs For People Over 40

*Top 10 Songs for People Over 40*

10. Let's Get a Physical

9. Ain't No Burrito Mild Enough

8. Johnny B. Olde

7. How Do You Mend a Broken Everything

6. The Lack O' Motion

5. Hair Potion Number Nine

4. Doctor My Eyes (And Ears and Joints and Back and...)

3. To All the Girls I've Disappointed Before

2. A Hard Day's Nap

And the Number One song for people over 40 ...

1. Knock Knock Knockin' on the Bathroom Door

---

Today's One-liner

One-liner #1084

"You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets."

- Nora Ephron

---

---

Today's Clean Pun

Clever Politics

How was the Roman Empire cut in half?

With a pair of Caesars.

---

Today's Quote

Quote #1532

"Often, the problem we have in loving others and in freeing ourselves from bitterness we may have towards them is really a problem of not knowing who God is and trusting Him to be who He says He is."

– David Guzik

---

Today's Illustration

Successful Marriage

A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren.

When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replied, "Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

---

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.