Cybersalt News
There is a new Funny Sign Picture on the Cybersalt Site today. You'll find "Ketchup Muster" at:
www.cybersalt.org/funny-signs/ketchup-muster
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!
~ Pastor Tim
Today's CleanLaugh
Phone Calls
Caller: I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff, please.
Operator: I'm sorry, there's no such listing. Are you sure you have the spelling correct?
Caller : Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the B fell off.
Caller: I'd like the number of the Scottish knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: I can't find a town called 'Woven'? Are you sure?
Caller: Yes. That's what it says on the label - Woven in Scotland.
Caller: I'd like the RSPCA, please.
Operator: Where are you calling from?
Caller: The living room.
Caller: The water board, please.
Operator: Which department?
Caller: Tap water
Operator: How are you spelling that?
Caller: With letters.
Caller: I'd like the number for a Reverend in Cardiff, please.
Operator: Do you have his name?
Caller: No, but he has a dog named Ben.
Caller: The Union of Shopkeepers and Alligators, please.
Operator: You mean the Amalgamated Union of Shopkeepers?
Caller: Er, yes.
Today's One-liner
One-liner #1083
You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can never fool mom.
Today's Clean Pun
Vapor After-Life
R.I.P. boiled water; you will be mist.
Today's Quote
Quote #1531
"History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again."
- Maya Angelou
Today's Illustration
Give Tech Support a Break
Our tech company uses satellite communications to send and receive messages from tugboats moving barges up and down major rivers. Each day, by 2pm, the tugboats send data on the day's activities to the company's traffic department.
At least that's how it is supposed to work.
"I got a call from our traffic department saying they only received data from about half the boats, and would I check on it?" the technician Don says.
He calls the satellite company, but the satellite technician there says there's no problem on his end.
Meanwhile, the traffic department calls again - they're still not getting messages from the missing boats.
"So I called the boats and got them to re-send the messages, and they came through," says Don. "The problem apparently cleared itself up."
But he isn't quite satisfied. "I called the satellite company back to see what happened, and what we could do if the problem recurred."
The satellite company's technician didn't know what happened and didn't have any way of finding out. "In order to track the messages, we would need an identification number from the message," he tells us.
"We could find out those numbers eventually," Don figures.
"Also, the identification numbers are recycled every half hour," tech continues.
"So I need to get you the identification number within that time?" Don asks.
"Right," says the satellite tech.
"So to summarize," says our tech Don glumly, "we need to give you the identification numbers of the messages we haven't received, within half an hour of not receiving them?"
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.
Realizing at the last minute that it was his father's birthday, a teenage boy rushed to the corner store to grab a card.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
Becoming a vegetarian is a huge "missed steak."
One of the funniest memories I have of the trials and tribulations of making the journey from childhood to adulthood was our annual summer vacation trek from Chicago to a cabin usually someplace on a lake in Wisconsin or Michigan.
Cassie was a really good mom. When her children were growing up, her one son gave her more "stop and count to 10" periods than any of the others.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
WARNING!! There is an email going around offering processed pork, gelatin and salt in a can.
In the traffic court of a large Midwestern city, a young woman was brought before the judge to answer for a ticket she received for driving through a red light.
*Top Ten Signs You are At a Bad Baptismal Service*
The following are notices that homeowners can place in a few strategic locations to keep burglars away.
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges?
If attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler.
A nurse took the tired, anxious serviceman to the bedside. "Your son is here," she said to the old man.