Cybersalt Digest Archive

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Cybersalt News

Sunday Greetings and Happy Mother's day - for those whom Mother's Day is a celebration.

Mother's Day is very painful for many mothers and children alike for a number of reasons. One particularly painful reason is rejection by, or estrangement from, a mother. If this describes you or someone you know, real life shepherd, Ray Carman, shares a message of hope in the latest inspirational video on they Cybersalt Site.  You'll find "Rejected by a Parent?" at:
www.cybersalt.org/videos/rejected-by-a-parent

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing! ~ Pastor Tim

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Today's CleanLaugh

Save Me a Seat

A friend of mine, and her husband, were on vacation.

They visited a church on Sunday.

My friend likes to sit close to the front.

So they entered a pew in the second row.

Shortly after settling into the pew, an usher came up to them, tapped lightly on bench, and said, "This pew is saved."

Her husband replied, "So are WE!"

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

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Cybersalt News

Cybersalt's Mother's Day Jokes collection page has been spruced up. You'll find a collection of jokes for tomorrow's special day at:
www.cybersalt.org/tag/13-mother-s-day-jokes

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing! ~ Pastor Tim

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Today's CleanLaugh

Geraniums

A man walked into a flower shop and after looking around for several minutes, asked the clerk if there were any potted geraniums he could buy.

"I'm sorry," said the clerk in flower shop,

"We don't have potted geraniums. Could you use African violets instead?"

Replied the customer sadly,

"No, it was geraniums my wife told me to water while she was gone."

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Today's One-liner

One-liner #1047

I hate it when people use big words just to make themselves sound perspicacious.

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Today's Clean Pun

Jedi Utensils

Luke Skywalker and Obi Wan Kenobe walk into a Chinese Restaurant.

Ten minutes into the meal, Luke is still having trouble with the chopsticks, dropping food everywhere.

Obi-Wan finally tells him, “Use the forks, Luke." 

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Today's Quote

Quote #1495

"Lord, enlighten what's dark in me, strengthen what's weak in me, mend what's broken in me, bind what's bruised in me, heal what's sick in me, and lastly, revive whatever peace and love has died in me."

- Anonymous

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Today's Illustration

Raising Children and Bamboo

Did you know that there is a certain type of bamboo in Japan that only flowers once every 120 years?

It's certainly puzzling how this plant can keep track of time, but everything 119 years before it germinates will determine how much the bamboo will bloom. And that's a long time to wait to see the results.

In the same way, children don't always blossom on your timetable. The love, discipline and instruction you pour into their lives cannot be immediately seen. Your job as a parent is to prune and nourish your children in anticipation of their blooming. And once they do, you'll see them grow rapidly into patient, loving and consistent people.

The latest bloomers often have the most striking and beautiful flowers.

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

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Cybersalt News

Mother's Day is this Sunday, so if you are going to buy your mom a present leave some time for shopping. After all, as the newest picture on the Cybersalt Site reminds us, she certainly spent a lot of time shopping for you! Check out "Enough Shopping" at:
www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/enough-shopping

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing! ~ Pastor Tim

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Today's CleanLaugh

Pray Loud

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents.

At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs, "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE. I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO. I PRAY FOR A NEW PVR..."

His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."

To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"

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Today's One-liner

One-liner #1046

I hate it when people use big words just to make themselves sound perspicacious.

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Today's Clean Pun

Massachusetts Shorts

Khakis (n.): what you need to start the car in Boston.

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Today's Quote

Quote #1494

 To my children: Never make fun of having to help me with computer stuff. I taught you how to use a spoon.

- Sue Fitzmaurice

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Today's Illustration

Eyes of Love

My mother's friend joined Weight Watchers, and the other day when she was getting ready to go to the weekly meeting her little grandson asked her where she was going. She said she was going to her fat club.

When she got back home her grandson said, "Well Grandma, are you fat yet?"

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

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Cybersalt News

Oh Look, Chicken Thursday!

Also, happy Cinco de Mayo, which co-incidentally fell on May 5 this year!

There is a new funny picture on the Cybersalt Site today. You'll find "Rhino Breeding" at:
www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/rhino-breeding 

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing! ~ Pastor Tim

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Today's CleanLaugh

Bathroom Sign

Thanks to Norma K. Appel for sending today's CleanLaugh. 

Dear Pastor Tim, this is a true story.

It was Thanksgiving day and my friend's hall bathroom was not working.

She had another bathroom off the master bedroom so she asked her pre-teen daughter to put a sign on the hall bathroom door and then close it.

Due to all the busyness of preparations for the big event (she has a very large family to prepare for) she never got the opportunity to stop, even to go to the bathroom, until all her guests had left that day.

When she walked down the hall toward her bedroom, she glanced over and saw the sign her young daughter had written on the hall bathroom door.

It read: "Out of odor."

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Today's One-liner

One-liner #1045

George Burns has some of the best one-liners!

George: Gracie, did the nurse ever happen to drop you on your head when you were a baby?

Gracie: Oh no! We couldn't afford a nurse, my mother had to do it herself.

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Today's Clean Pun

Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps

I used to be indecisive. But now I am not so sure.

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Today's Quote

Quote #1493

 "When the dead hand of rationalism holds Christianity in its stony grip, all energy and vitality is drained out of it, not to mention miracle and mystery."

 - Leonard Sweet

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Today's Illustration

Brotherly Advice

Charlie was playing with his little brother Mickey when the little boy asked whether he could fly like Superman.

"Sure you can, Mickey," Charlie said. "Just flap your arms really hard."

So Mickey climbed up on the windowsill, started flapping like mad, jumped, then smashed into the ground just a few inches below.

Horrified, their mother came screaming into the room and said, "What happened?"

Charlie said, "I was just teaching Mickey not to believe everything he's told."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.