Cybersalt Digest Archive

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Cybersalt News

Today's newest Funny Picture on the Cybersalt Site introduces us to the "Chair of the Math Department" at:
www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/chair-of-the-math-department 

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing! ~ Pastor Tim

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Today's CleanLaugh

First Date

A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?

His mother had an idea: "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home-cooked meal?"

He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later, the woman came to dinner. His mother called the next day to see how things had gone.

"I was totally humiliated," he moaned. "She insisted on washing the dishes."

"What's wrong with that?" asked his mother.

"We hadn't started eating yet."

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Today's One-liner

One-liner #1065

Shopping with your husband is like hunting with the game warden.

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Today's Clean Pun

Unintended Pounds

I didn't mean to gain weight; it happened by snaccident.

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Today's Quote

Quote #1513

"Instead of saying, 'This too shall pass.....' to a mom who is clearly losing it, maybe we could make her dinner, babysit her kids, or clean her house?"

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Today's Illustration

Gifts that Don't Cost a Cent

*Gifts that Don't Cost a Cent*

1 THE GIFT OF LISTENING - But you must REALLY listen. No interrupting, no daydreaming, no planning your response. Just listening.

2 THE GIFT OF AFFECTION - Be generous with appropriate hugs, kisses, pats on the back and handholds. Let these small actions demonstrate the love you have for family and friends.

3 THE GIFT OF LAUGHTER - Clip cartoons. Share articles and funny stories. Your gift will say, "I love to laugh with you."

4 THE GIFT OF A WRITTEN NOTE - It can be a simple "Thanks for the help" note or a full sonnet. A brief, handwritten note may be remembered for a lifetime, and may even change a life.

5 THE GIFT OF A COMPLIMENT - A simple and sincere, "You look great in red," "You did a super job" or "That was a wonderful meal" can make someone's day.

6 THE GIFT OF A FAVOR - Every day, go out of your way to do something kind.

7 THE GIFT OF SOLITUDE - There are times when we want nothing better than to be left alone. Be sensitive to those times and give the gift of solitude to others.

8 THE GIFT OF A CHEERFUL DISPOSITION - The easiest way to feel good is to extend a kind word to someone; really it's not that hard to say, "Hello" or "Thank You."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

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Cybersalt News

Today's newest Funny Picture on the Cybersalt Site is a reminder to wear appropriate headgear at a protest.  You'll find "Melon Protest" at:
www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/melon-protest 

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing! ~ Pastor Tim

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Today's CleanLaugh

Suck It In

I noticed my husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his ample stomach.

Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver, I quipped, "I don't think that is going to help much, hon."

"Sure it does," he said.

"How else can I see the numbers?"

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Today's One-liner

One-liner #1064

My exercise program consists of having a lot of stairs in my home and forgetting things.

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Today's Clean Pun

Transit Rescue

Just take the bus: walk behind a car and you'll get exhausted; walk in front of a car and you'll get tired.

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Today's Quote

Quote #1512

Pope Francis revealed recently he daily prays a meditation from St. Thomas More that includes the line:

“Grant me, O Lord, a sense of good humor. Allow me the grace to be able to take a joke.”

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Today's Illustration

Job Impressions

I had always talked about my job a lot at home, and my young daughter had always expressed great interest. So I thought it would be a treat for her to spend the day with me at the office. Since I wanted it to be a surprise, I didn't tell her where we were going, just that it would be fun.

Although usually a bit shy, she seemed excited to meet each colleague I introduced. On the way home, however, she seemed somewhat down.

"Didn't you have a nice time?" I asked.

"Well, it was okay," she responded, "but I thought it would be more like a circus."

Confused, I asked, "Whatever do you mean?"

She said, "Well, you said you work with a bunch of clowns, and I never got to see them!"

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

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Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday!

The latest Funny Sign Picture to be added to the Cybersalt Site is actually a note (close enough in my books.)  It illustrates how to clean a bathroom royalty. You'll find "Bathroom Fit for the Queen" at:
www.cybersalt.org/funny-signs/bathroom-fit-for-the-queen

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing! ~ Pastor Tim

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Today's CleanLaugh

Jury Age

Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, our friend received a jury-duty notice.

She called to remind the people at the clerk's office that she was exempt because of her age.

"You need to come in and fill out the exemption forms," they said.

"I've already done that," she replied. "I did it last year."

"You have to do it every year," she was told.

"Why?" came the response. "Do you think I'm going to get younger?"

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Today's One-liner

One-liner #1063

Gonna stop making arbitrary deadlines: starting today.

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Today's Clean Pun

Redneck Movie

Have you guys seen the new documentary about Rednecks?

I only saw the trailer.

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Today's Quote

Quote #1511

"The Christian shoemaker does his duty not by putting little crosses on the shoes, but by making good shoes."

- Martin Luther

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Today's Illustration

Clear Communication

In a software design meeting, we were using typical technical jargon to discuss a data exchange interface with a vendor.

One co-worker said the programming we had ordered was delayed because the vendor was suffering from a "severe non-linear waterfowl issue."

Curious, the team leader raised his eyebrows and asked, "What exactly is that?"

The programmer replied, "They don't have all their ducks in a row."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Today's mailing is arriving late due to an error between Pastor Tim's keyboard and seat!

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Cybersalt News

Don't you just hate it when you are camping and lions start licking your tent? Well, these people seemed to handle it quite well. Check out "Lion Camping" at:
www.cybersalt.org/funny-cat-pictures/lion-camping 

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing! ~ Pastor Tim

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Today's CleanLaugh

Permitted To Learn

As an instructor in driver education at the local area High School, I've learned that even the brightest students can become flustered behind the wheel.

One day I had three beginners in the car, each scheduled to drive for 30 minutes.

When the first student had completed her time, I asked her to change places with one of the others.

Gripping the wheel tightly and staring straight ahead, she asked in a shaky voice, "Should I stop the car first?"

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Today's One-liner

One-liner #1062

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

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Today's Clean Pun

Fashion Film

Watching a documentary on how they attach those little metal things onto jeans: It's riveting.

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Today's Quote

Quote #1510

"There are many moments when I wake at night, watch my husband and son as they sleep, and think about the women I’ve met over the yeas who want nothing more than this: to be still in the dark, free from the piercing staccato of automatic gunfire, and to not be afraid."

- Dr. Samantha Nutt

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Today's Illustration

Nerves of Steel

My friend, an ex-Marine Aviator wanted to show off his new twin-engine plane. I was riding along as he put it through its paces.

Suddenly, we were caught in a violent thunderstorm, with lightning crashing all around us.

Next, we lost the radio and most of the instruments.

As we were being tossed around in the sky, George said, "Uh-oh!" Fearing the worst, I asked, "What's wrong now?"

George replied, "I got the hiccups. Do something to scare me."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.