Monthly Archive

2004

Welcome to our Archives page. On this page you will find a total of 517 of our articles broken down into Months and Years.
Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
5856

Stolen Goat

The following is a quote from a director of sports information in the Navy, regarding the theft of some mascots from the Naval Academy by Army rivals:"We knew Army cadets were involved because th... read more..

Barb's Mantle
Barbara Sanders
3616

The "Front" Door

I've wanted to change the front door to my home for years.  We put in a double door on our front porch, but have been discussing getting a single door with highlights.  I need the 'light' in... read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
2856

Tag Fad

My teenager was headed to school one morning when I told him that the neck tag on his shirt was hanging out. "I know," he replied. "It's a fad me and some of the guys started."Weeks later, as the st... read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
4186

Actual Signs

Bucharest Hotel Lobby - "The lift is being fixed for the next day.  During that time you will be unbearable."Leipzig elevator - "Do not enter the lift backwards and only when lit u... read more..

The Spur
Marcia Lee Laycock
3312

Great Accomplishments And a Ticket into Heaven

My daughter recently worked on a school project and as usual when that is going on, I became aware of the subject. She was using my computer to access information online and then rented a video to tak... read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
12330

Speeding Hymns

If you MUST speed on the highway, sing these hymns loudly:at 45 mph.... "God Will Take Care of Me"at 55 mph.... "Guide me, O Great Jehovah"at 65 mph.... "Nearer My God to Thee"at 75 mph.... "Neare... read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
4263

Caught Sleeping

Just in case your boss catches you asleep at your desk, be ready to blurt out one of these excuses.*********************************They told me at the blood bank that this might happen.This is just a... read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
3781

Appendix Worry

Old Jacob Johnson, raging hypochondriac, was convinced that the pain on his left side was appendicitis. Mrs. Johnson explained that the appendix is on the right."So, aha! THAT's why it hurts to much... read more..

Dr. Harold McNabb
Dr. Harold McNabb
3096

Persistent in the Pursuit of Justice

Luke 18:1-8When I was doing marriage and family counseling I would often have a husband or wife--most often a husband--who would walk in visibly angry at the first visit. I always found that stimulati... read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
8594

Principal Rounds

It was the first day of school. As the principal made his rounds, he heard a terrible commotion coming from one of the classrooms. He rushed in and spotted one boy, taller than the others, who seeme... read more..

God's Penman
Rev. James L. Snyder
7114

Of Course It's Raining, I Just Washed My Car

Nobody can say I didn't warn the Mistress of the Parsonage, for all the good my warning did. And, I'm not one to say, "I told you so," but, "I told you so." I swear, at times I think my wife thinks ... read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
4369

More Musings

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?Energizer Bunny arrested -- charged with battery.If you can't convince them, confuse them.Beat the 5 o'clock rush, leave work at noon!I couldn't repa... read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
2985

Football Sleep

After spending all day Sunday watching football on television, a man fell asleep and spent the night in the chair. His wife woke him in the morning."It's twenty to seven," she called."In who's favor?... read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
4384

Actual Church Bulletin Bloopers

(From the Archives back in 1999)1) Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled.  Proceeds will be used to cripple children.2) The outreach committee has enlisted 25 v read more..

Melva's Devotions
Melva Cooper
3645

River Of Life

"And the angel showed me a pure river with the water of life, clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God."Rev. 22:1 (NLT)Fall, in all its glorious opulence, is what we experienced read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
2972

Buying Shoes

A man walks into a shoe store, and tries on a pair of shoes. "How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk."Well they feel a bit tight," replies the man.The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at ... read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
4003

Five Things You Do Not Want to Hear when Calling Tech Support

1.  "Duuuuuude!  Bummer!"2.  In layman's term, we call that the "Hindenburg Effect."3.  "Your problem can be fixed, but you're going to need a butter knife read more..

Barb's Mantle
Barbara Sanders
3373

The Three Conjunctions of Life - If, And, But

2 Chronicles 7:14 If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
2634

Vacation Term Translation

*Vacation Term Translation*In case any of you are still thinking about picking a vacation spot, be aware of the following advertising lingo...Old world charm = No bathTropical = RainyMajestic setting read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
11108

How To Give Your Cat A Pill

I.  Grasp cat firmly in your arms.  Cradle its head on your elbow, just as if you were giving baby a bottle.  Coo confidently, "That's a nice kitty." Drop pill into its mouth.... read more..

The Spur
Marcia Lee Laycock
3168

Filling In The Blank

"He/she was born to ........" (fill in the blank with the appropriate words). It might be any number of things ? run, sing, play hockey, write poetry, act on a stage, administer a large comp read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
3126

Wig Eye Witness

While my friend was working as a receptionist for an eye surgeon, a very angry woman stormed up to her desk.. "Someone stole my wig while I was having surgery yesterday," she complained.The doctor cam... read more..

Peggie's Den
Peggie Bohanon
3927

The Leaping Lame Man...and Me!

A LEAPING lame man? That doesn't make sense--lame people don't LEAP....and I should know. I'm currently battling an alleged case of bursitis near the left knee--and I don't leap. Limp? I do that well!... read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
4872

Goober Job Interview

An goober goes for a job interview in an office.  The interviewer starts with the basics.  "So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?"The goober counts carefully on her fingers f... read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
3498

Cow Horns

"Mister, why doesn't this cow have any horns?" asked the young lady from a nearby city on field trip to the country.The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone, "Well, ma'am, read more..

Ask Pastor Tim
Pastor Tim
7431

Stereotypical Attack On Jews

In response to the following joke (Telegram Scare):Schwartz and Feldman, partners in the garment industry, had just suffered through their worst season ever. Eight thousand madras sports coats were ha... read more..

God's Penman
Rev. James L. Snyder
3446

Hurricanes Have Gone But Political Winds Are Blowing"

Within the last six weeks, that gusty quartet comprised of Charley, Frances, Ivan and Jeanne has lustily serenaded Florida. A repeat performance is not in the foreseeable forecast - I hope.It is not t... read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
4580

Materialistic Or What?

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Jag XK-8 in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues.  As he got out, a truck came along, too close to the curb, and completely to... read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
2671

Voting Tips

A couple of opposing candidates for county office happened to be sitting next to each other in the local diner...One turned to the other and said, "You know why I'm going to win this election? Becaus... read more..

Dr. Harold McNabb
Dr. Harold McNabb
2978

Thanksgiving Sets Us Free

A South African man surprised nine men robbing his home. Eight of the robbers ran away, but the homeowner managed to shove one into his backyard pool. After realizing the robber couldn't swim, the hom... read more..