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Monthly Archive

2004

Welcome to our Archives page. On this page you will find a total of 579 of our articles broken down into Months and Years.
Guest Authors
Pastor Tim
3795

Better Than The Ballot

Let's not overlook a power greater than politics as we seek to change America America's simmering pot of politics is set to boil over.  From now until election day, we'll hear a lot about "p... read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
2899

Grandfather Putt

Playing golf with his buddies, my grandfather had to make a slick 45-foot, downhill putt. As he lined it up, he announced, "I have a dollar bill that says I can make this putt. Does anyone want to bet... read more..

Melva's Devotions
Melva Cooper
3463

Palm Branches

"?a huge crowd of Passover visitors took palm branches and went down the road tomeet Him. They shouted, "Praise God! Bless the one who comes in the nameof the Lord! Hail to the King of Israe read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
16403

New Phonetic Alphabet

The same old standard phonetic alphabet (which you would use to describe spelling "Wilson" as "Whiskey, India, Lima, Sierra, Oscar, November") has been used by aircraft pilots, police, and many others... read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
2561

Quarter Rush

On a busy Friday night at the restaurant where I'd recently started waiting tables, the owner suddenly emerged from the kitchen and handed me money."We're in trouble!" He said. "We're out of quarters... read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
5537

Stolen Goat

The following is a quote from a director of sports information in the Navy, regarding the theft of some mascots from the Naval Academy by Army rivals:"We knew Army cadets were involved because th... read more..

Barb's Mantle
Barbara Sanders
3440

The "Front" Door

I've wanted to change the front door to my home for years.  We put in a double door on our front porch, but have been discussing getting a single door with highlights.  I need the 'light' in... read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
2650

Tag Fad

My teenager was headed to school one morning when I told him that the neck tag on his shirt was hanging out. "I know," he replied. "It's a fad me and some of the guys started."Weeks later, as the st... read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
3967

Actual Signs

Bucharest Hotel Lobby - "The lift is being fixed for the next day.  During that time you will be unbearable."Leipzig elevator - "Do not enter the lift backwards and only when lit u... read more..

The Spur
Marcia Lee Laycock
3143

Great Accomplishments And a Ticket into Heaven

My daughter recently worked on a school project and as usual when that is going on, I became aware of the subject. She was using my computer to access information online and then rented a video to tak... read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
11273

Speeding Hymns

If you MUST speed on the highway, sing these hymns loudly:at 45 mph.... "God Will Take Care of Me"at 55 mph.... "Guide me, O Great Jehovah"at 65 mph.... "Nearer My God to Thee"at 75 mph.... "Neare... read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
3948

Caught Sleeping

Just in case your boss catches you asleep at your desk, be ready to blurt out one of these excuses.*********************************They told me at the blood bank that this might happen.This is just a... read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
3532

Appendix Worry

Old Jacob Johnson, raging hypochondriac, was convinced that the pain on his left side was appendicitis. Mrs. Johnson explained that the appendix is on the right."So, aha! THAT's why it hurts to much... read more..

Dr. Harold McNabb
Dr. Harold McNabb
2865

Persistent in the Pursuit of Justice

Luke 18:1-8When I was doing marriage and family counseling I would often have a husband or wife--most often a husband--who would walk in visibly angry at the first visit. I always found that stimulati... read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
8367

Principal Rounds

It was the first day of school. As the principal made his rounds, he heard a terrible commotion coming from one of the classrooms. He rushed in and spotted one boy, taller than the others, who seeme... read more..

God's Penman
Rev. James L. Snyder
6914

Of Course It's Raining, I Just Washed My Car

Nobody can say I didn't warn the Mistress of the Parsonage, for all the good my warning did. And, I'm not one to say, "I told you so," but, "I told you so." I swear, at times I think my wife thinks ... read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
4169

More Musings

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?Energizer Bunny arrested -- charged with battery.If you can't convince them, confuse them.Beat the 5 o'clock rush, leave work at noon!I couldn't repa... read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
2729

Football Sleep

After spending all day Sunday watching football on television, a man fell asleep and spent the night in the chair. His wife woke him in the morning."It's twenty to seven," she called."In who's favor?... read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
4163

Actual Church Bulletin Bloopers

(From the Archives back in 1999)1) Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled.  Proceeds will be used to cripple children.2) The outreach committee has enlisted 25 v read more..

Melva's Devotions
Melva Cooper
3422

River Of Life

"And the angel showed me a pure river with the water of life, clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God."Rev. 22:1 (NLT)Fall, in all its glorious opulence, is what we experienced read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
2773

Buying Shoes

A man walks into a shoe store, and tries on a pair of shoes. "How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk."Well they feel a bit tight," replies the man.The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at ... read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
3813

Five Things You Do Not Want to Hear when Calling Tech Support

1.  "Duuuuuude!  Bummer!"2.  In layman's term, we call that the "Hindenburg Effect."3.  "Your problem can be fixed, but you're going to need a butter knife read more..

Barb's Mantle
Barbara Sanders
3197

The Three Conjunctions of Life - If, And, But

2 Chronicles 7:14 If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
2415

Vacation Term Translation

*Vacation Term Translation*In case any of you are still thinking about picking a vacation spot, be aware of the following advertising lingo...Old world charm = No bathTropical = RainyMajestic setting read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
10775

How To Give Your Cat A Pill

I.  Grasp cat firmly in your arms.  Cradle its head on your elbow, just as if you were giving baby a bottle.  Coo confidently, "That's a nice kitty." Drop pill into its mouth.... read more..

The Spur
Marcia Lee Laycock
2994

Filling In The Blank

"He/she was born to ........" (fill in the blank with the appropriate words). It might be any number of things ? run, sing, play hockey, write poetry, act on a stage, administer a large comp read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
2914

Wig Eye Witness

While my friend was working as a receptionist for an eye surgeon, a very angry woman stormed up to her desk.. "Someone stole my wig while I was having surgery yesterday," she complained.The doctor cam... read more..

Peggie's Den
Peggie Bohanon
3683

The Leaping Lame Man...and Me!

A LEAPING lame man? That doesn't make sense--lame people don't LEAP....and I should know. I'm currently battling an alleged case of bursitis near the left knee--and I don't leap. Limp? I do that well!... read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
4639

Goober Job Interview

An goober goes for a job interview in an office.  The interviewer starts with the basics.  "So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?"The goober counts carefully on her fingers f... read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
3255

Cow Horns

"Mister, why doesn't this cow have any horns?" asked the young lady from a nearby city on field trip to the country.The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone, "Well, ma'am, read more..

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