Monthly Archive

I've wanted to change the front door to my home for years.  We put in a double door on our front porch, but have been discussing getting a single door with highlights.  I need the 'light' in... read more..

My teenager was headed to school one morning when I told him that the neck tag on his shirt was hanging out. "I know," he replied. "It's a fad me and some of the guys started."Weeks later, as the st... read more..

Bucharest Hotel Lobby - "The lift is being fixed for the next day.  During that time you will be unbearable."Leipzig elevator - "Do not enter the lift backwards and only when lit u... read more..

My daughter recently worked on a school project and as usual when that is going on, I became aware of the subject. She was using my computer to access information online and then rented a video to tak... read more..

If you MUST speed on the highway, sing these hymns loudly:at 45 mph.... "God Will Take Care of Me"at 55 mph.... "Guide me, O Great Jehovah"at 65 mph.... "Nearer My God to Thee"at 75 mph.... "Neare... read more..

Just in case your boss catches you asleep at your desk, be ready to blurt out one of these excuses.*********************************They told me at the blood bank that this might happen.This is just a... read more..

Old Jacob Johnson, raging hypochondriac, was convinced that the pain on his left side was appendicitis. Mrs. Johnson explained that the appendix is on the right."So, aha! THAT's why it hurts to much... read more..

Luke 18:1-8When I was doing marriage and family counseling I would often have a husband or wife--most often a husband--who would walk in visibly angry at the first visit. I always found that stimulati... read more..

It was the first day of school. As the principal made his rounds, he heard a terrible commotion coming from one of the classrooms. He rushed in and spotted one boy, taller than the others, who seeme... read more..

Nobody can say I didn't warn the Mistress of the Parsonage, for all the good my warning did. And, I'm not one to say, "I told you so," but, "I told you so." I swear, at times I think my wife thinks ... read more..

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?Energizer Bunny arrested -- charged with battery.If you can't convince them, confuse them.Beat the 5 o'clock rush, leave work at noon!I couldn't repa... read more..

After spending all day Sunday watching football on television, a man fell asleep and spent the night in the chair. His wife woke him in the morning."It's twenty to seven," she called."In who's favor?... read more..

(From the Archives back in 1999)1) Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled.  Proceeds will be used to cripple children.2) The outreach committee has enlisted 25 v read more..

"And the angel showed me a pure river with the water of life, clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God."Rev. 22:1 (NLT)Fall, in all its glorious opulence, is what we experienced read more..

A man walks into a shoe store, and tries on a pair of shoes. "How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk."Well they feel a bit tight," replies the man.The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at ... read more..

1.  "Duuuuuude!  Bummer!"2.  In layman's term, we call that the "Hindenburg Effect."3.  "Your problem can be fixed, but you're going to need a butter knife read more..

2 Chronicles 7:14 If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their read more..

*Vacation Term Translation*In case any of you are still thinking about picking a vacation spot, be aware of the following advertising lingo...Old world charm = No bathTropical = RainyMajestic setting read more..

I.  Grasp cat firmly in your arms.  Cradle its head on your elbow, just as if you were giving baby a bottle.  Coo confidently, "That's a nice kitty." Drop pill into its mouth.... read more..

"He/she was born to ........" (fill in the blank with the appropriate words). It might be any number of things ? run, sing, play hockey, write poetry, act on a stage, administer a large comp read more..

While my friend was working as a receptionist for an eye surgeon, a very angry woman stormed up to her desk.. "Someone stole my wig while I was having surgery yesterday," she complained.The doctor cam... read more..

A LEAPING lame man? That doesn't make sense--lame people don't LEAP....and I should know. I'm currently battling an alleged case of bursitis near the left knee--and I don't leap. Limp? I do that well!... read more..

An goober goes for a job interview in an office.  The interviewer starts with the basics.  "So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?"The goober counts carefully on her fingers f... read more..

"Mister, why doesn't this cow have any horns?" asked the young lady from a nearby city on field trip to the country.The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone, "Well, ma'am, read more..

In response to the following joke (Telegram Scare):Schwartz and Feldman, partners in the garment industry, had just suffered through their worst season ever. Eight thousand madras sports coats were ha... read more..

Within the last six weeks, that gusty quartet comprised of Charley, Frances, Ivan and Jeanne has lustily serenaded Florida. A repeat performance is not in the foreseeable forecast - I hope.It is not t... read more..

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Jag XK-8 in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues.  As he got out, a truck came along, too close to the curb, and completely to... read more..

A couple of opposing candidates for county office happened to be sitting next to each other in the local diner...One turned to the other and said, "You know why I'm going to win this election? Becaus... read more..

A South African man surprised nine men robbing his home. Eight of the robbers ran away, but the homeowner managed to shove one into his backyard pool. After realizing the robber couldn't swim, the hom... read more..

Log on: making a wood stove hotterLog off: don't add no more woodMonitor: keeping an eye on the wood stoveDownload: gettin the farwood off the truckMega Hertz: when yer not keerful getting the farwood... read more..