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October 2004
Welcome to our Archives page. On this page you will find a total of
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Search
21 Oct
Barb's Mantle
Barbara Sanders
3802
The "Front" Door
I've wanted to change the front door to my home for years. We put in a double door on our front porch, but have been discussing getting a single door with highlights. I need the 'light' in
...
read more..
21 Oct
Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
3008
Tag Fad
My teenager was headed to school one morning when I told him that the neck tag on his shirt was hanging out. "I know," he replied. "It's a fad me and some of the guys started."Weeks later, as the st
...
read more..
20 Oct
Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
4353
Actual Signs
Bucharest Hotel Lobby - "The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time you will be unbearable."Leipzig elevator - "Do not enter the lift backwards and only when lit u
...
read more..
20 Oct
The Spur
Marcia Lee Laycock
3490
Great Accomplishments And a Ticket into Heaven
My daughter recently worked on a school project and as usual when that is going on, I became aware of the subject. She was using my computer to access information online and then rented a video to tak
...
read more..
20 Oct
Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
12818
Speeding Hymns
If you MUST speed on the highway, sing these hymns loudly:at 45 mph.... "God Will Take Care of Me"at 55 mph.... "Guide me, O Great Jehovah"at 65 mph.... "Nearer My God to Thee"at 75 mph.... "Neare
...
read more..
19 Oct
Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
4441
Caught Sleeping
Just in case your boss catches you asleep at your desk, be ready to blurt out one of these excuses.*********************************They told me at the blood bank that this might happen.This is just a
...
read more..
19 Oct
Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
3968
Appendix Worry
Old Jacob Johnson, raging hypochondriac, was convinced that the pain on his left side was appendicitis. Mrs. Johnson explained that the appendix is on the right."So, aha! THAT's why it hurts to much
...
read more..
18 Oct
Dr. Harold McNabb
Dr. Harold McNabb
3288
Persistent in the Pursuit of Justice
Luke 18:1-8When I was doing marriage and family counseling I would often have a husband or wife--most often a husband--who would walk in visibly angry at the first visit. I always found that stimulati
...
read more..
18 Oct
Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
8763
Principal Rounds
It was the first day of school. As the principal made his rounds, he heard a terrible commotion coming from one of the classrooms. He rushed in and spotted one boy, taller than the others, who seeme
...
read more..
17 Oct
God's Penman
Rev. James L. Snyder
7311
Of Course It's Raining, I Just Washed My Car
Nobody can say I didn't warn the Mistress of the Parsonage, for all the good my warning did. And, I'm not one to say, "I told you so," but, "I told you so." I swear, at times I think my wife thinks
...
read more..
17 Oct
Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
4530
More Musings
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?Energizer Bunny arrested -- charged with battery.If you can't convince them, confuse them.Beat the 5 o'clock rush, leave work at noon!I couldn't repa
...
read more..
17 Oct
Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
3147
Football Sleep
After spending all day Sunday watching football on television, a man fell asleep and spent the night in the chair. His wife woke him in the morning."It's twenty to seven," she called."In who's favor?
...
read more..
16 Oct
Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
4558
Actual Church Bulletin Bloopers
(From the Archives back in 1999)1) Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.2) The outreach committee has enlisted 25 v
read more..
16 Oct
Melva's Devotions
Melva Cooper
3839
River Of Life
"And the angel showed me a pure river with the water of life, clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God."Rev. 22:1 (NLT)Fall, in all its glorious opulence, is what we experienced
read more..
16 Oct
Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
3126
Buying Shoes
A man walks into a shoe store, and tries on a pair of shoes. "How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk."Well they feel a bit tight," replies the man.The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at
...
read more..
15 Oct
Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
4141
Five Things You Do Not Want to Hear when Calling Tech Support
1. "Duuuuuude! Bummer!"2. In layman's term, we call that the "Hindenburg Effect."3. "Your problem can be fixed, but you're going to need a butter knife
read more..
15 Oct
Barb's Mantle
Barbara Sanders
3550
The Three Conjunctions of Life - If, And, But
2 Chronicles 7:14 If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their
read more..
15 Oct
Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
2776
Vacation Term Translation
*Vacation Term Translation*In case any of you are still thinking about picking a vacation spot, be aware of the following advertising lingo...Old world charm = No bathTropical = RainyMajestic setting
read more..
14 Oct
Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
11338
How To Give Your Cat A Pill
I. Grasp cat firmly in your arms. Cradle its head on your elbow, just as if you were giving baby a bottle. Coo confidently, "That's a nice kitty." Drop pill into its mouth.
...
read more..
14 Oct
The Spur
Marcia Lee Laycock
3313
Filling In The Blank
"He/she was born to ........" (fill in the blank with the appropriate words). It might be any number of things ? run, sing, play hockey, write poetry, act on a stage, administer a large comp
read more..
14 Oct
Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
3288
Wig Eye Witness
While my friend was working as a receptionist for an eye surgeon, a very angry woman stormed up to her desk.. "Someone stole my wig while I was having surgery yesterday," she complained.The doctor cam
...
read more..
13 Oct
Peggie's Den
Peggie Bohanon
4096
The Leaping Lame Man...and Me!
A LEAPING lame man? That doesn't make sense--lame people don't LEAP....and I should know. I'm currently battling an alleged case of bursitis near the left knee--and I don't leap. Limp? I do that well!
...
read more..
13 Oct
Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
5046
Goober Job Interview
An goober goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer starts with the basics. "So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?"The goober counts carefully on her fingers f
...
read more..
13 Oct
Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
3664
Cow Horns
"Mister, why doesn't this cow have any horns?" asked the young lady from a nearby city on field trip to the country.The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone, "Well, ma'am,
read more..
13 Oct
Ask Pastor Tim
Pastor Tim
7616
Stereotypical Attack On Jews
In response to the following joke (Telegram Scare):Schwartz and Feldman, partners in the garment industry, had just suffered through their worst season ever. Eight thousand madras sports coats were ha
...
read more..
12 Oct
God's Penman
Rev. James L. Snyder
3673
Hurricanes Have Gone But Political Winds Are Blowing"
Within the last six weeks, that gusty quartet comprised of Charley, Frances, Ivan and Jeanne has lustily serenaded Florida. A repeat performance is not in the foreseeable forecast - I hope.It is not t
...
read more..
12 Oct
Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
4740
Materialistic Or What?
A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Jag XK-8 in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck came along, too close to the curb, and completely to
...
read more..
12 Oct
Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
2823
Voting Tips
A couple of opposing candidates for county office happened to be sitting next to each other in the local diner...One turned to the other and said, "You know why I'm going to win this election? Becaus
...
read more..
11 Oct
Dr. Harold McNabb
Dr. Harold McNabb
3154
Thanksgiving Sets Us Free
A South African man surprised nine men robbing his home. Eight of the robbers ran away, but the homeowner managed to shove one into his backyard pool. After realizing the robber couldn't swim, the hom
...
read more..
11 Oct
Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
4575
Technical Terms for the Strictly Amish
Log on: making a wood stove hotterLog off: don't add no more woodMonitor: keeping an eye on the wood stoveDownload: gettin the farwood off the truckMega Hertz: when yer not keerful getting the farwood
...
read more..
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